Fanpic FanFic Kings-Ducks 2.4.16, A Portrait of Pain
Thursday night’s game against the Ducks was, well, uninspiring at best, distressing at worst.
Had you been trolling the Twitter-waves you likely noticed very little commentary from Team TRH, or anyone else for that matter. It was just one of those games.
We’ll always have this though:
I do not like Kesler when he wins
I do not like him when he grins
I do not like Kesler spring or fall
I do not like him much at all— All The Kings Men (@KingsMenPodcast) February 5, 2016
Mr. Jesse Cohen, Poet Laureate of TRH
Don’t worry, I have zero intention of detailing how bad it was…with words anyway. As TRH’s resident Hockey Fan Aficionado, I’ve done below what bloggers have been doing for millenia: rely on pictures to do the talking for me.
For those of you, like me, who are APPathetic toward the latest cellphone app technology, a company heralding out of San Diego has developed an in-arena photographing system that snaps pictures of fans during events. It’s APPtly titled, Fanpics. You download the app, select the event you attended, enter your section, row and seat number, and within seconds you have access to pictures of yourself at the game (OR YOUR EX BOYFRIEND WHO IS SITTING IN SECTION 306 I SEE YOU BRIAN YOU’LL NEVER BE RID OF ME).
I figure since I had the displeasure of attending Thursday night’s game, I’d use a picture of the section I was rotting in when Quick got pulled and Lucic took another dumb penalty.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Section 216:
Fanpics commentary linked to this photo: “Lindholm Goal. Hampus Lindholm threads in the one-timer past a heavily blocked Enroth! (P2 10:03) LA 1 – ANA 4”
“Heavily blocked Enroth!” Shut up, Fanpics.
There’s a lot going on in this photo. But before we dive in, here’s a little context for you.
For two periods, Section 216 sits directly behind the opposing goalie. But during the second period, it has a perfect view of Enroth’s backside and any shots the visiting team may take.
The timing of this is important too. There we were, halfway through the second period and the score was a somewhat depressing 3-1. The Ducks had been laying the pressure on thick in the Kings zone (they ended up controlling the puck for like, 12 minutes straight or something #analysis), racking up shots on goal, and cashing in on the perpetual cluster that permeated the space in front of the LA net.
So let us explore the micro of this photo and check in with the folks who experienced the trauma first hand.
Here I am with my friend Jake. No, we’re not flirting and ignoring the game. We’re laughing despondently because no more than 3 seconds before Lindholm scored (and before Fanpics invaded my privacy) I’d declared, “Well, at least we’re on the side of the arena where all the action is.” BANG. Lindholm goal. Kings are now trailing by a disparate 4-1.
*Scrunches eyebrows* “Get me out of here NOW, Jake.”
I wish there was a way to visually capture how Kings fans feel when their team is down 4-1 to the Ducks with All Star goalie John Gibson in net:
This moment brought to you by Fanpics!
Molly flew into town from Minnesota to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Beverly Hills and can’t believe these Kings are first in the division:
“What a disgrace. I would have been better off staying home and watching the Wild lose to the Rangers.”
Unfortunately for Robert, his Fan-by-Marriage, Helen, chose to root for the rival team and he’s embarrassed to be seen with her. He’s also worried that the fans around him won’t take too kindly to her demonstrative cheering.
#WeAllHateHelen
Steven had a great game. He even attempted to stay culturally relevant with his [mis]interpretation of the clapback:
“Clap back, we gon’ clap back. We gon’ clap back, we gon’ clap back” – Ja Rule and Steven
I be like:
Maturity is knowing you could clap back and shatter someone's entire existence with your words if you wanted to-but choosing not to ☺️
— La Bronze James (@jackieaina) January 31, 2016
…instead choosing to be as passive aggressive as possible:
I'm literally going blind. pic.twitter.com/WoVeV2cDS8
— Shawnze Kopitar (@shawnzekopitar) February 5, 2016
Stuart just wanted a great game:
Sad fatalist….or realist at this point.
I guess this is a sort of depressing post. However, I’d like to end on a high note. It’s nice to see that Staples Center is sensitive to the infant simulator parenting assignments at local high schools and junior colleges. Janet hasn’t been able to go anywhere without her Wild Wing doll. If she doesn’t feed it and change its diaper regularly, she fails the course.
Baby, think it over
Don’t worry guys, I’ll never post anything again.
