DOOM-SDAY

I had myself convinced that a few days off would assuage the hurt from the first two Kings games of this season. Like you, I had expectations for those games, expectations that not only went unfulfilled but seemed to be ignored altogether by the hockey gods. Imagine my [lack of] surprise then, when I found myself at Staples Center on Tuesday for #TRHSuiteNight caring more about Kershaw and the Dodgers than how Lucic would do on the second line.

In response to whatever bastardized version of hockey the Kings played last night, and seeing as how Halloween ghouls and goblins are making their way onto porches throughout your neighborhood, now is as good a time as ever to share a story with you.

When I was 13 years old, my recently graduated uncle left for college and bequeathed my family his case of prized CD-ROMs (I know, LOL). It was 1999 and the world was changing. He no longer had need of the scratched PC games that defined his early 90s pubescence. Having just purchased our first family computer however (DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE I’M SIGNING ONTO AOL), they fell into eager, if not novice hands. Being the curious treasure hunting oldest child, I trolled through that case, hoping to find a rose among thorns.

And sure enough, I did:

Doom II CD

While other girls my age painted their nails and wrote notes to boys they had crushes on, I taught myself how to play DOOM II.

At first I was horrified at what this game entailed. I neither understood the plot (are aliens and demons really what’s awaiting us in Hell?) or how Doomguy could carry around so much ammunition and artillery and still run at rapid speeds. It took several months for my fingers to move fluidly between the arrow keys and the Control/Alt/Shift key, not to mention the space bar….the SPACE BAR, you guys! I played the same level over and over again until I could claim victory and move further into the boscages of this pixelated Hell. The sheer mass of death, violence and casual carnage elicited equal parts shame and intrigue (mostly the former today), and I never told a soul that for one year of my life, I played it regularly.

That year of DOOM was a dark one for me. Having never played DOOM I, I didn’t have the luxury of familiarity with the game’s more basic tenets which would have helped me assimilate to DOOM II much faster. But even with a longer assimilation period, I still beat the whole game.

Aziz Anasari

What does this have to do with the Kings, you ask?

Well firstly, I’d like to introduce you to the many faces of Kyle Clifford:

Doomguy Clifford

“Yeah, I don’t think we got off to the best start.” – 13

Secondly, I’m here to tell you that while it certainly feels like the Kings are DOOMED, they aren’t. I recently heard a good man mention that there is nothing impressive about being cynical. Skepticism is easy. Optimism is hard. With that, we have a responsibility to step back from that ledge, my friends and handle ourselves with dignity and poise.

We've totally got this.

We’ve totally got this.

Had the Kings won their first three games, we wouldn’t be congratulating ourselves on winning the 2016 Stanley Cup (yes we would). So it’s frustrating that the opposite is also true: we are tempted to put the proverbial nail in the coffin of the Kings 2015-16 season after three brutal loses.

But I am here to plead with you to not lose hope. Historical precedence be damned, I can think of two times the Kings have overcome the odds in the past (Hey @KingTufficult, where you at with your latest inspirational piece for the ages, bro?). All members of the Kings organization are professionals…

…and they’re wired to produce a winning product. If they implode early, like they seem to be doing right now, we’ll have an entire season to gird up our loins and climb back to the top. Adjustments will be made, lines will be mixed, Ducks fans will fly orange flags from their cars. Let’s commit our support to this semi-brand new locker room (and undoubtedly exhausted front office) and give them a little time to adjust to whatever it is that’s plaguing them.

Besides, look on the bright side… the LA Kings are not the only winless team in Southern California right now.


If we want the NHL to take the Los Angeles fanbase seriously, we have to prove ourselves in tough times. You don’t jump ship when the storm begins to rage, you cleave to the mast. Stay in the boat, people. We’ve got this. LA Kings hockey is back in full swing!

After hearing a female Kings fan shriek, “C’mon Kopi, make a goal!” in 2010, Shawnze rolled up her sleeves and set out to rebrand the notion of lady hockey fan in the streets and Late Romantic Era classical music devotee in the sheets. She has a Masters Degree in Sports Management (no really, it’s a thing) which means she’s really good at paying for things she’ll never use, and credits her dad’s lucky red shorts (and Trevor Lewis) for the success of the Kings’ Cup run in 2012. You can follow Shawnze Kopitar on Twitter @ShawnzeKopitar.