LA Kings Player Power Rankings – Week 16

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I considered making this a special Rob Blake Edition of the Power Rankings where each player would be ranked #4. However, The Half didn’t meet my contract demands, so I am going to go and write power rankings for an Avalanche blog while you suckers get stuck with this normal edition of the rankings.

RANK PLAYER COMMENT
1 Anze Kopitar – As if things weren’t going badly enough for the Kings, they came this close to seeing things getting that much worse. Fortunately, Anze was OK and his modeling career was unaffected. (Last week: 1)
2 Drew Doughty – Doughty gets to be an All-Star Assistant Captain despite not even wearing the “A” for his own team. Sure, why not? I mean, its not like his All-Star coach is his real coach and has influence over such things. (Last week: 2)
3 Marian Gaborik – Sutter used Gaborik in a shootout this week after last week’s Trevor Lewis kerfuffle. The results did not change. (Last week: 4)
4 Jeff Carter – Carter hasn’t scored a goal since his That 70’s Line compatriots were lost to injury and he was relegated to playing with Kopi and Gabo. The struggle is real.  (Last week: 3)
5 Justin Williams – Extension talks with Williams have been cut off, so congratulations to him on being wildly overpaid by a cellar-dwelling Eastern Conference team next year. (Last week: 5)
6 Jake Muzzin – Oooh! 27 minutes of ice time against the Ducks. I guess Muzzin is back out of the doghouse. (Last week: 6)
7 Jonathan Quick – It took until mid-January, but Quick finally had a game with a save percentage better than .900 in the year 2015. Yay? (Last week: 7)
8 Alec Martinez – Was the Manchester Monarchs’ Alec Martinez “bobblehands” giveaway the best giveaway or the best giveaway ever? (Last week: 8)
9 Trevor Lewis – Lewis lost his Corsi For lead. I guess that means he’s back to being totally useless now. (Last week: 9)
10 Jarret Stoll – We could talk about Stoll’s performance this week, but I think we’d all rather talk about a manufactured beef between Stoll’s current girlfriend and his ex, right? (Last week: 11)
11 Dustin Brown – Brown scored a goal! Our goal-less streak breaking power finally kicked in. I guess it must’ve still been on winter break and needed an extra week to get caught up. (Last week: 12)
12 Tyler Toffoli – Toffoli has been placed on the injured reserve with a social disease most commonly contracted by high schoolers. Yep, it has been that kind of season. (Last week: 10)
13 Dwight KingWhy does Dwight King smile so much? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I wish he’d stop because it is haunting my nightmares. (Last week: 13)
14 Matt Greene – Greene is eligible to be our pick for the “no goals in a month” streak breaker, but even we know that there is a limit to our powers. (Last week: 14)
15 Mike Richards – Richards is once again being mentioned in trade rumors. TAKE OUR MIKE RICHARDS, PLEASE. (Last week: 15)
16 Brayden McNabb – McNabb looked much better this week, but getting paired with Drew Doughty more often tends to do that for most defenseman. (Last week: 17)
17 Kyle Clifford – An assist AND two fights this week? At least someone on this team is trying to step their game up. (Last week: 18)
18 Martin Jones – It was awfully nice of Martin to post a shutout before throwing his back out trying to carry Jon Quick out of his slump. (Last week: 19)
19 Tanner Pearson – Tanner is expected to be out until right before the playoffs start, so he’ll be ready to start actually playing when the rest of the roster is. How convenient! (Last week: 16)
20 Robyn Regehr – Regehr is likely to return this week, which is actually a thing to look forward to, believe it or not. (Last week: 20)
21 Jordan Nolan – Jordan Nolan played every game this week. He punched at least one guy in the face. I think we’re done here. (Last week: 22)
22 Jamie McBain – Coach’s Pet status sure wore off quickly for McBain who was a healthy scratch all week. (Last week: 21)
23 Andy Andreoff – Two games of action for Andreoff and he’s back to being a scratch. Welp, he had a good run. (Last week: 23)
24 Jeff Schultz – Waive good bye, Schultz. (Last week: 24)
25 Nick Shore – Nick Shore made his NHL debut this week, but he chose to wear a number normally worn by goalies. His decision making skills are already being questioned. (Last week: unranked)

Agree? Disagree? I don’t really care! If you still feel compelled to sound off on the rankings, go ahead and leave a comment. It’s a free world.

Garrett Wilson is a lifelong LA Kings fan who now finds himself trapped in the hockey wasteland of the Pacific Northwest. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry. The again, you probably wouldn't like him when he's not angry either. You should probably follow Garret Wilson on Twitter @Garrett_MWAH