LA Kings Player Power Rankings – Week 13

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Christmas is over, but don’t feel bad if you didn’t get something you really wanted because you are about to get the belated gift that is Power Rankings. Yeah, I know, it doesn’t help make you feel any better, but this is as good as it is going to get, you greedy bastard.

RANK PLAYER COMMENT
1 Anze Kopitar – With three more points this last week, Kopi is ever so close to resuming his rightful place atop the Kings points leaderboard. (Last week: 1)
2 Drew Doughty – Doughty’s December surge is slowly getting him back into the Norris conversation. Having a certain someone “accidentally” knee Mark Giordano tonight probably wouldn’t hurt either. (Last week: 2)
3 Jeff Carter – All Jeff Carter wanted for Christmas was his two front teeth and for Kopitar to stop chasing him down for the team lead in points. Doesn’t look like he got either.    (Last week: 3)
4 Marian Gaborik – Gabo kept his point streak alive, but more importantly, he didn’t suffer a papercut opening Christmas presents and end up sidelined for a month. (Last week: 6)
5 Jonathan Quick – This was shaping up to be a pretty good week for Quick, but then that Johnny Gaudreau guy had to ruin everything. (Last week: 5)
6 Jake Muzzin – Jake Muzzin scoring goals on the Sharks. Same old story. (Last week: 7)
7 Tyler Toffoli – Toffoli scored a goal? I almost forgot that was a thing. (Last week: 4)
8 Justin Williams – Still no news on an extension for Williams other than the Kings asking for more time. I guess you could say that these talks are going to go to… GAME 7. (Last week: 8)
9 Alec Martinez – Apparently Alec Martinez is narrating college hockey commercials now. That Stanley Cup-winning goal is finally starting to pay off! (Last week: 9)
10 Trevor Lewis – Trevor Lewis has a three-game point streak. It’s a Festivus miracle! (Last week: 12)
11 Dustin Brown – Lots of talk this month about the Kings needing to focus and step up their effort. Sure would be nice if the captain would lead by example. (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink) (Last week: 11)
12 Mike Richards – According to the game logs, Richards played in both games this week. I’ve yet to find any physical evidence to support this data. Stay tuned for updates as this story develops. (Last week: 10)
13 Jarret Stoll – Like Williams, Stoll is an impending free agent. Yet for some reason he hasn’t been involved in extension talks. Weird. (Last week: 13)
14 Matt Greene – Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but Greene’s fancy stat ratings are actually back in the realm of the respectable again (Last week: 15)
15 Brayden McNabb – Time is quickly running out for McNabb to score a goal in the year 2014. I don’t like his odds, but the Oilers are the last game of the calendar year, so you never know. (Last week: 16)
16 Tanner Pearson – Pearson has done almost nothing in December, yet he only just this week fell into a tie for the team lead in goals. (Last week: 14)
17 Dwight King – I hope King had a Dwight Christmas. (Last week: 17)
18 Martin Jones – Suckers, Jones started his winter break a week before any of you did. (Last week: 18)
19 Kyle Clifford – I finally figured out who Kyle Clifford looks like: Grumpy Cat. Look at the picture on the left, then look at this and tell me I’m wrong. (Last week: 19)
20 Robyn Regehr – The Kings were Robyn’d of Regehr’s services this week. (Last week: 20)
21 Jamie McBain – Jamie is the McBain of penalty killing units across the land. (Last week: 22)
22 Jordan Nolan – Jordan didn’t get a stocking full of coal, but he also didn’t get to play this week. I call that a wash. (Last week: 21)
23 Andy Andreoff – For Christmas, Andreoff got the gift of collecting an NHL paycheck despite never actually playing. (Last week: 23)

Agree? Disagree? I don’t really care! If you still feel compelled to sound off on the rankings, go ahead and leave a comment. It’s a free world. Also, I live in Seattle, so you can all quit being such big crybabies about water falling from the sky. Have some self respect.

Garrett Wilson is a lifelong LA Kings fan who now finds himself trapped in the hockey wasteland of the Pacific Northwest. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry. The again, you probably wouldn't like him when he's not angry either. You should probably follow Garret Wilson on Twitter @Garrett_MWAH