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PACIFIC WAR ROOM – 11.28.14

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In an effort to keep Los Angeles Kings fans aware of the comings and goings of the other teams in the Smythe Pacific Division… we here at The Royal Half have created the Pacific War Room… a wrap-up of the past week in the Pacific from some of the best and brightest bloggers who cover Pacific Division teams. In order of the Pacific Division standings… we present the Pacific War Room for the week of November 28th, 2014!

 

ANAHEIM DUCKS
1st PLACE, 14-4-5, 33 POINTS
@EarlSleek

A short update this week, as I’m crammed full of turkey, plus the Ducks only played two games this week. Since the thrill of the dry scrape got eliminated, Anaheim decided to win both games in regulation. In each game, the Ducks played pretty excellently through two periods, outscoring the Coyotes and Flames by a collective 5-0. Then in the third periods the Ducks let both opponents climb within one, then held out until the clock expired.

And even though the mumps and injuries have decimated the Ducks’ lineup this season and last, one guy who continues to show up and play is Andrew Cogliano, who became the NHLer with the longest active ironman streak when the Blues’ Jay Bouwmeester missed a game this week.

Also, the season has reached the 20-game mark, and still the playoff standings look a little different from what we saw last year.

Lastly, even though this isn’t about the Ducks, I was pleasantly surprised that I got to use this tweet again. Oh, Oilers (scroll to the bottom for more on that team).

 

VANCOUVER CANUCKS
2nd PLACE, 15-6-1, 31 POINTS
@PetBugs13 from Canucks Army

Another light week on the Canucks schedule, which included two more wins and a huge loss.

The team you love to hate…wait what?

No, no, no, no, no. HATE. You hate the Canucks. Just stop it. You hate them and you know it. Stop the lies. Please hate my team!

Sigh.

Next you’ll be feeling sorry for them, like the Leafs.

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Argh.

Anyway, getting back to the point. The Canucks beat both the Hawks and the Devils this week, but the biggest news was the death of former head coach and general manager, Pat Quinn.

Quinn will forever be associated with turning Vancouver back into a hockey town after the Dark Ages that were the 80s. He turned the franchise around and built some great teams in the early 90s, which were arguably better than the ragtag crew of underdogs that fought it’s way to within a goalpost of the Stanley Cup in 1994:

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Close, but no.

RIP to a giant in Vancouver hockey history:

 

CALGARY FLAMES
3rd PLACE, 14-8-2, 30 POINTS
@BookOfLoob from Flames Nation

So here we are. It’s your day, America. I understand today is the day you celebrate something called Thanksgiving, which is weird, because everyone knows Thanksgiving is in October. For you guys, it seems like the day where you stuff yourself full of food and drink, like a camel, in order to have a lot of stored energy ready to go while you wait in line forever so you can get 30% off Swiffer. Seems pretty cool. Your fake Thanksgiving seems pretty rad.

So in honour of Fake Thanksgiving, I thought I’d recap the week that was with tributes to other not real versions of cool things. This should go great.

This past Saturday, the Flames beat the Devils in just an incredibly exciting, come from behind win. Here to talk about it is Fake Undertaker:

undertaker-vs-undertaker-summerslam-e1345410271995

Creatures of the night, the darkness descended upon the Saddledome at Hockeyslam last Saturday. The Flames, harvested of all soul, were unable to muster up the strength, the gumption to take on the Devil, someone I’m very acquainted with.

The situation looked bleak, and the Flames seemed ready to be put to rest, trailing 4-2 with mere minutes left in the third period. But then these children, these young phenoms, they opened their eyes. They began to see in the dark. Jiri Hudler brought the scorched ones within one, before Curtis Glencross Tombstoned the Devils with 6 seconds left in regulation.

Sean Monahan, the most boring demon of them all, then Chokeslammed the winning goal in the shootout stuffing the Devils back into it’s urn, where they now REST. In. PEACE.

Uh…well that was intense. Thanks, fake Taker, you still lost that match at Summerslam, and I’m pretty sure Kane could eat you.

Anyway, that victory meant the Flames went 4-1 on their homestand, and that’s pretty impressive, but as with everything, all good things must come to an end, and it was time for the Flames to hit the road. Here to talk about the game against the Ducks, is vegetarian bacon.

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Hi. I’m vegetarian bacon. I’m like real bacon except not real. I don’t sizzle, I sizle. Look it up.

The Flames hit the road, making a pit stop at the Honda Center, a building they haven’t won in since 2004, back before I was ever coagulated into tofu.

The Flames effort, as has been the norm this season, was about as underwhelming as I, fake bacon, taste. Anaheim controlled this game from the outset, and despite the usual third period surge, the 3 goal lead Calgary spotted those goddamn Ducks was just too costly, even if TJ Brodie scored. He’s the best. I don’t think he ever eats me, because I suck, but it sure looks like he’s only eating low cholesterol snacks with only 75 calories per strip. He told me he hates me though. He’s right to do so.

He IS right, Veggie Bacon, you are a plague on humanity. And I’m blaming you for the Honda Center curse.

Your Calgary Flames rounded out the week that was in the Pacific War Room with a date against stace’s beloved Patrick Marleau and the San Jose Sharks. To recap the game that unfolded, let’s hear from the Edmonton Oilers, who masquerade as a hockey team.

Edmonton-Oilers-Logo

/sucking noises

/Failure

/Eternal Gloom

/tears forever

Okay, I see how this is going, maybe I’ll just take over here. The game against the Sharks was essentially a microchasm of the entire season. They go toe to toe with a better team, get clobbered in almost every facet of the game, and win 2-0 thanks to some unreal goaltending and a couple of nice bounces. It is fun as all hell man, and I hope it never ends. Everyone loves the underdog. Unless that Underdog is the Oilers, in which case, keep kicking. They aren’t getting back up.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed your turkey gorge fests, I know I would have if you had invited me like you said you were going to (I’m looking at you, Earl).

So if you like our work here at the Pacific War Room, a division of Halfco Enterprises, and want to see this quality of work in the future, just remember when you’re waiting in line during all the Black Friday madness, that I don’t have an Xbox One yet.

Thank you.

 

LOS ANGELES KINGS
4th PLACE, 12-6-5, 29 POINTS
@TheRoyalHalf from The Royal Half

Wow, what a week of hockey! Of course, I’m not talking about the LA Kings 1-1-1 roadtrip, I’m talking about the hockey that PumperNicholl and I saw while on separate European vacations! I was in London checking out a UK Elite League game…

While PumperNicholl… um…

… went public skating.

And committed vandalism.

The LA Kings mounted a decent comeback against Dallas, played an amazing game against Nashville, and then reminded hockey fans that even when Trevor Lewis is falling down, the Wild still suck.

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SAN JOSE SHARKS
5th PLACE, 10-10-4, 24 POINTS

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone! The Sharks barely played this week due to the holiday. Also, in the games that the Sharks were involved in this week, they barely played those as well. I’m recovering from the turkey drug so let’s just get this over with so I can go back to sleep.

San Jose Sharks vs. Phoenix Coyotes, 3-4 (SO)

As of late, the Sharks have been playing awful in the first period. Previously, the only good period that the Sharks were playing well was the first so now their bit is to just be terribly inconsistent all three periods. Phoenix is not good. The Sharks should be able to beat fucking Phoenix. I know they can’t beat the Sabres or whatever, but damn. Phoenix is that team that we reference to make ourselves feel better. What do we have left? Not much. Anyway, back to the game, the Sharks lost in a shootout.

San Jose Sharks vs. Calgary Flames, 0-2

Haha, yeah. The Sharks weren’t going to win this one. Let’s listen to Weezer instead of talking about it

Anyway, I guess we are on #IsMcLellanFiredYet watch, which is silly. Firing McLellan may please some, but the bottomline is that it’s not going to change much. It’s not like when Los Angeles fired Murray a couple years back–there’s simply way too many missing pieces to this stupid puzzle. Could the team do better playing under a different coach? Sure, it’s possible. Will it get them deeper in the postseason? hahaha no. Have you seen this roster?

Upcoming:

The Sharks are playing the Ducks this weekend. If you recall the first game the Sharks played against the Ducks this season, oh man it was a shitshow. Win or lose, I’m looking forward to this one. Hopefully San Jose media gives Tim Jackman second star.

 

ARIZONA COYOTES
6th PLACE, 9-11-3, 21 POINTS
@CarlPutnam from Five For Howling

We could talk about how Arizona started this past week off with another win for backup goaltender Devan Dubnyk, but the problem is having your backup goaltender be your team’s most valuable player (Sorry Jaime) is a recipe for mediocrity at best.

Dubs’ goaltending partner, Mike Smith, hasn’t had the goal support, defense, or luck his backup has. Of course, neither has Smith played consistently well himself. This week it was more of the same, sort of. The starter lost two games by a goal apiece. However, he also was involved in the type of comedy gold only the Desert Dogs can create.

First off, Smitty and Z had to hugged it out on Sunday night against Anaheim.

Absolutely true, but this is The Way of 2014 Mike Smith. Even when he plays lights out dumb stuff happens.

Moving on to Tuesday night…

First there was a blown lead.

Then there was the own goal on a shot going nowhere near the net.

In conclusion.

If you are going to be constantly outshot for two straight weeks (and most of the season) the least you can do is give your fans (and everyone else) repeated blunders to laugh about, right? Though realistically the only comedic material the team hasn’t tried yet is to have GM Don Maloney try to sign Petteri Nokelainen for a third time.

After the Turkey Day break, Arizona plays four straight games against Pacific Division foes including two against the Flames. This may actually be good news for the Yotes. They are currently 6-2 against their division rivals in the 2014-15 NHL campaign.

 

EDMONTON OILERS
7th PLACE, 6-14-3, 15 POINTS
@JSBMjeanshorts from Oilers Nation

I know the saying is “Going from bad to worse” but what comes after worse? Worser? Worstet? Oilers?

“The Oilers have lost five in a row. How much worse can it get?” We asked ourselves last weekend. OOHHH BOY DID IT EVER GET WORSE!

Let’s just say the fans weren’t SUPER impressed with this game…

I guess this was just the Blackhawks finally taking their pound of flesh for all those crazy lopsided losses they’ve suffered to the Oilers over the last couple of years.

Dallas was up next, and against all odds Ales Hemsky didn’t break out of his slump with a 4 point game, and Shawn Horcoff was basically non-existent. And they only lost by one. WAY LESS EMBARASSING! Errr, well….

Nevermind.

Dallas Eakins’ soul has officially left his body at this point. He’s just a husk with a great head of hair.

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With a point against Nashville, in yet ANOTHER loss to the west #WinlessInTheWest, the Oilers are now only one point in November away from tying the amount of goals they gave up to Chicago! Just all part of #TheProcess (of drafting Connor McDavid).

 

TRH WILD CARD WATCH™

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Happy Early Christmas, everyone!

 
Thanks to all the amazing Pacific Division Bloggers. Check back next Friday for another edition of Pacific War Room!

You can check out past editions of Pacific War Room here!

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones. You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.
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