I can no longer blame narcotics for my manner of erratic writing, granted, I never wrote whilst under the control of narcotics.



Let’s get it out of the way, I know you’re all dying to ask: I had shoulder surgery to repair a completely torn labrum in my right shoulder. I guess there was also a little damage to the cartilage, and the biceps tendon (that’s the risk you run when you’re too damned swoll). I’m right handed. I’ll leave it at that.

I did purchase the NHL Center Ice/Gamecenter package while popping Oxycodone (responsibly, if one possibly can), and was completely baffled to find that I can’t watch Kings games because they’re blacked out (no worries, I found a way to get my money’s worth). Leave it to the Kings to play two of their weirdest games of the year for when I’m not completely capable of clear thoughts. Thanks, guys.

The Kings esteemed broadcast team spent pre-game discussing what kind of team Columbus has transformed into over the past year-and-a-half. Really, it all just sounded like they were trying to legitimize an opponent that is still clearly inferior to the reigning Stanley Cup Champions; one that has been hit by an unfair rash of injuries over recent weeks.

I’ve been saying this since about half-way through last season, but every time Jeff Carter scores, I think to myself, “really…again?” Maybe it’s because the threat of the notorious King scoring droughts is ever-present, but even Carter seems to be a little bored with the amount of points he and his cohorts are putting up.

Speaking of cohorts, now that it has become more than apparent that That 70’s Line has jumped the shark, I’m suggesting that an alternate take needs to be established for the most entertaining line in the NHL. Maybe a wrestling three-way tag team, a la The Brood of the late-1990’s/early-2000’s?

/Takes 15 minutes to watch random WWF videos on YouTube

They’re lethal. They’re blonde. AND…they’re probably a little too edgy (pun: INTENDED) for the “aw, shucks” Canadian-ness that, really, defines That 70’s Line. Let’s face it, any one that has ever played the game of hockey who had any sort of semblance of personality or individuality has been ostracized from within. Just look at Josh Ho-Sang or Evander Kane.

Okay, I’m writing a recap of the game here, not investigating the culture of the NHL (although we DO need to revisit the rebranding of That 70’s Line before Bob Miller lights it on fire and crucifies it).

As noted before, yesterday’s drubbing of the Blue Jackets was just plain weird.


Anze Kopitar left the game under mysterious circumstances at some point in the second period, after an awkward hit that left him looking totally and completely fine. After the game, all that Sutter/Kopitar would say regarding the “injury” was that he would be all right.

Okay dokey. At this point in the Kings season, all of the success achieved by That 70’s Line really must be wearing thin on their teammates, more than anyone, leaving people like Kyle Clifford hearkening back to the time when he achieved offensive success over that one stretch of like, five games, where he was leading the Kings in points scored.

Scott Hartnell decided that he was going to take all of the goodwill he had accumulated from doing things like playing in that one AWESOME playoff series against the Penguins in the 2011-2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs, taunting fans, embracing the fact that he often falls-down, and embracing a late-60’s rockstar appearance, and tarnish it by attempting to tried to strike the most innocent player on the Kings roster, Martin Jones.

Joner’s Owl was unavailable for comment.

That was followed-closely by his confrontation with the LEAST innocent player on the Kings roster, Jordan Nolan.

Nolan the Gnat

The first period-and-a-half played into the what Columbus does well: skate around and chase the puck. Virtually no offense to speak of, until the clock struck Toffoli…

His goal really opened the flood gates, for the Kings, and the Blue Jackets really had no chance passed this point. Toffoli took it upon himself to notch the Kings their first Hail Mary style goal of the season, though it was really Tanner Pearson proving all the scouts wrong that said his skating was weak by blowing past everyone for a really pretty goal.

Tanner Pearson and Tyler Toffoli Screams of Joy

This, forever.

That 70’s Line connected one more time for a goal that so-confused Bob Miller, that I think the PA announcer at STAPLES may have been announcing the assists on the goal by the time Bob figured out what happened.

Oh, and Dwight King scored a DwightKing Goal. That was fun.


The Kings travel to Philadelphia, where Flyers fans will really show the Kings that they’re better-off without Jeff Carter and Mike Richards by booing them incessantly, because…Philadelphia.

John Siegel is a lunatic who writes about hockey, east coast bias, and content marketing. He rarely takes anything seriously, there's a good chance he's drinking right now. You can follow him on Twitter @JVNSiegel but you probably shouldn’t.