TRH RECAP 5: #BlackShuck2015

KINGS 0, BLUES 0, JEFF CARTER 1

 
I’ve been sleeping quite poorly lately. Maybe it’s the result of me forcing myself to watch the destruction of the poor Winnipeg Jets and/or Edmonton Oilers … or maybe it’s because I have sleep apnea.

But as I woke up on this fine, fine morning here in Sherman Oaks – which IS a part of Los Angeles, I’ll have you know – I made a terrible, terrible decision to check my email.

Yeah, I could blame Sheng Peng, who’s tweet prompted the email that I received, but I choose not to. In the email, a suggestion as to a .GIF I use in the recap this morning, I received the kick in the pants that I needed to get my day going. I choose, however, to blame The Royal Half. Thanks, THR (I’m aware this is not the correct acronym)!

Reg

Good Morning!

God bless him, but if you think about it, “Robyn” might be the most inappropriate name for someone who is often mentioned as being the human, real-life doppelganger for Shrek (he is often mentioned as being the human, real-life doppelganger for Shrek, right?).

Yup.

When I think of Robyn, I think of the adorable Swedish pixie who sang the hit “Dancing On My Own” – a song I genuinely like … not because I associate the name with drunk 20-something girls in Chicago screaming things like “NO JUDGEMENT,” as their suburban boyfriend feeds a $20 into the jukebox so he can bang some terrible, terrible country music for the rest of the night.


Ask me if I saw Robyn play at Pitchfork 2010, yet skipped out on LCD Soundsystem and Pavement.

But I digress.

I don’t know if Jonathan Quick woke up Thursday morning and thought, “Hey, I think today is the day to remind everyone on the planet that I’m better than them at playing goalie on ice,” but he sure did play that way later in the evening.

While Quick busied himself with stopping 43-of-43 shots (formatting be damned!) – not including the THREE shootout attempts he stopped during the shootout – I found myself half-screaming to everyone in the room, with a mouthful of teriyaki, “VA KINS UNY HALF FIFEEN SHOSS????”

Yes, midway through the third period, the Kings had a measly 15 shots, to the Blues 35. It seemed – despite his team high THREE shots on goal – as if Anze Kopitar decided last night that he was going to be Kobe Bryant on one of those nights where Kobe is trying to send a message to all the writers that note that he only shoots the ball, by scoring like nine points and dishing out fifteen assists. The Blues, whenever Kopitar had the puck, played him as if he there was no chance in the world of him spinning and firing it towards the net.

This game had all the fixings of a late round playoff game, and for the first time that I can remember: Darryl Sutter completely abandoned players. If you look at the box score, Andy Andreoff played a meager 5:02, Brayden McNabb 9:56, and Jordan Nolan 6:40. At what point in time does Andreoff turn to Sutter and go, “Hey Coach, Imma go grab a beer and a pretzel. You want anything?”

Steve’s nOTT amused.

As overtime limped towards the shootout that everyone knew was coming, it became apparent that the Blues possessed perhaps the best shootout-er in all of hockey: T.J. Oshie, American Hero.


Real American Hero

Carter, still missing a few teeth after being clubbed in the face by Chicago Blackhawk Duncan Keith, ripped a wrist shot pad side to beat Brian Elliott, who later told reporters that he fell asleep for brief amounts of time throughout the game due to lack of action in his own zone.

Carts

Quick proceeded to stop everything else, leading to the netminder expressing some sort of emotion (aside from him tackling a Blues player earlier in the game, which he did with the same stoney look we’ve all grown to associate Quicky with).

Swat

Just swattin’ ‘em away.

If you had turned on the game as the shootout started, you would have literally missed nothing. The Blues shot a lot, the Kings didn’t. Sutter forgot about Andreoff, who also forgot that he wasn’t sitting in a suite as a member of the Black Aces, and McNabb’s hair is still gloriously curly.

Beer of the Game

Yes, this is the best image I could find.

My dad called me the other day and said something to the effect of “I bought too much beer, and now there’s no room in my fridge. Could you come over and drink it? I told him I would, and thought to myself, “college me would have thought this was the best problem of all time to have.”

Then I realized that I graduated two years ago, and this is still a fantastic problem to have.

Also, STOP WITH THE PUMPKIN.

Random Thoughts

    • Jim and Bob, it’s not nice to make fun of Matt Greene. Sure, he’s older and slower, and when he has the puck pretty much every Kings fan holds their breath, but he’s a valuable part of the team. So when he tries to clear a puck out of his own zone during a penalty kill, and accidentally hits the side of the net, it’s just plain mean to suggest that the shot should count as one on goal, since he doesn’t get many of those in the offensive zone.
    • NHL 14 has Dwight King listed as 6’2, Wikipedia has him at 6’3, and the Kings website has him at 6’4. Patrick Kane is billed as 5’10, but I’ve always maintained that he was measured in skates. This brings up a conclusion I’ve had for a long, long time now: height is subjective. Just ask Paige Lewis…

    • Following a strong positioning play by McNabb, I turned to my brother and asked, “How are the Kings going to keep McNabb out of the lineup when Muzzin gets healthy?” Sutter essentially answered that by playing him a whopping 9:56, which, for a defenseman, is akin to stepping on the ice, skating towards the penalty box, and then skating back.
    • No one will ever have more pucks hop over their stick than Slava Voynov. That’s not a euphemism.

Random – Yet Relevant – Link I found During Intermission

I’ve been on this since the Kings decided to get rid of “Welcome to the Black Parade” as their go-to song, which was a bad move on their part. Black Shuck is not only relevant, it’s a song that makes me want to run through a brick wall. Can you image, just before an end-zone faceoff in overtime deep in the playoffs, and this song starts banging over the speakers? I’d lose my mind.

This is not a formal beginning to a campaign, but I am starting a hashtag right now #BlackShuck2015.

BONUS Random – Yet Relevant – Link I found During Intermission

I’m doubling-up on the Voynov fight video. It’s such a glorious bout, and it’s made even better by the fact that the Manchester Monarchs video guy insisted on letting the video fade to black, and playing the rest of the Beastie Boys song for a solid minute. Bravo.

John Siegel is a lunatic who writes about hockey, east coast bias, and content marketing. He rarely takes anything seriously, there's a good chance he's drinking right now. You can follow him on Twitter @JVNSiegel but you probably shouldn’t.