LA Kings Player Power Rankings – Week 1

NOTE FROM TRH: We are beyond excited to welcome Garrett Wilson to the pages of The Royal Half as one of the winners of North America’s Next Top Blogger™: Season 2! Garrett runs the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim blog: Monkey With A Halo, and, for some reason unbeknownst to us, he suddenly has A LOT of free time on his hands.

See ya next year!

Let’s get to know Garrett, shall we?

TRH: How did you become a fan of the Los Angeles Kings?

GW: Because my dad wasn’t capable/interested in actually, you know, engaging in conversation with me when I was a kid, he’d just take me to various sporting contests and sit next to me quietly. More often than not, that meant using his company’s corporate seats at the Kings games. For some reason those were always available and the Lakers seats weren’t. Weird, right?

They were actually pretty great seats, right behind the Kings bench. This was back at the Forum, not the fancy pants Staples Center. What it meant was that during intermission, I could sneak my little hand under the glass and steal things off the bench. You guys, I had SO MANY little white towels and rolls of trainer’s tape.

TRH: Besides 2 Stanley Cups in 3 Seasons, what is the greatest moment in LA Kings history?

GW: For me, personally, it was when Matt Moulson made his NHL debut with the Kings. I was at Cornell at the same time as Moulson and knew him well. And by knew him well, I mean I sat next time him sometimes during a microcomputing class we had together and never actually spoke to him other than saying, “Great game.” That’s the closest I’m ever going to get to being a King myself, so it will have to do.

Oh, and yes, this answer was written solely as a way of dropping the fact that I am an Ivy League graduate.

TRH: Ok, Kopitar or Doughty… who ya got?

GW: Man, this is tough. There are so many important factors to consider. Physical, two-way centers are so hard to find, but Norris-level defensemen are even harder to come by. Then again, Kopitar rates better in Corsi. But let’s get into the real important stuff. Doughty has those dreamy eyes. And Kopitar has those… those… dark, creepy possibly undead eyes. That gives Doughty a big edge.

Still, I have to go with Kopitar. What really seals the deal for me is Gustl. With all apologies to Reggie, it is Gustl or GTFO.

Now that Garrett is on board with a champion Los Angeles-based team (that is actually based in Los Angeles), we are proud to present his first contribution to The Royal Half! (It’s also something he stole from his own baseball blog.) Take it away, Garrett!!!

PowerRankings-02

They’re subjective! They’re meaningless! They’re still oddly entertaining! They’re the LA Kings Player Power Rankings, a feature in which each week we rank all of the current LA Kings based on their performance and really any other factor we feel like. Why? Because this is the internet and things must be ranked meaninglessly. Also, because we feel like it.

RANK PLAYER COMMENT
1 Anze Kopitar – Still the best player on the Kings and yet still the best player in the NHL that nobody outside of Los Angeles is aware of.
2 Drew Doughty – Is this the year the Doughty wins the Norris? Is this the year that Los Angeles converts to the Eastern Time Zone? Then no.
3 Justin Williams – Is it Game 7 yet? No? How about now?
4 Jonathan Quick – After the events of the last week I find myself less concerned about Quick’s surgically repaired wrist and more concerned about how many times PK Subban has farted on him.
5 Marian Gaborik – It’s very exciting to see what Gaborik can do in a full season with the Kin-  Aaaaand he’s already hurt.
6 Jeff Carter – Sorry, The Half, this is high as I can rank Carter. These aren’t the Handsome Rankings.
7 Tyler Toffoli – Don’t mind Tyler, just hanging out, leading the league in preseason scoring, minding his own business.
8 Jake Muzzin – Jake has to be feeling pretty good about himself after his linemate openly mocked the one stat that validates Muzzin’s existence.
9 Tanner Pearson – Tanner? I don’t know, he looks paler to me this year. Thank you! I’ll be here all week. Be kind to your waitress.
10 Jarrett Stoll – How come when Jarrett wins a faceoff the announcers never say he “Stoll” it? Never mind. I think I just answered my own question.
11 Dustin Brown – Brown might be in decline, but he’s still the captain. So he’s go that going for him, which is nice.
12 Slava Voynov – We’re all still pretending that Voynov is going to bounce back this year because he doesn’t have to play in the Olympics, right? OK, just checking.
13 Mike Richards – Some say this ranking might be too low for a two-time All-Star with 349 career points. I say it might be too high for a fourth line center.
14 Dwight King – Considering he’s named after the team he plays, it really is a shame he isn’t better. The “King of Kings” headlines would write themselves.
15 Alec Martinez – He clinched the Stanley Cup for the Kings, so that should by him, what, five games before he ends up back in Sutter’s doghouse?
16 Robyn Regehr – I missed hockey so much I almost found myself longing to see Regehr slowly trudging along the ice. Almost.
17 Trevor Lewis – Lewis didn’t have a single point in the preseason, proving that he’s already in mid-season form.
18 Martin Jones – Our back-up goalie has an owl. Your move, everyone else.
19 Matt Greene – Seeing how the Kings basically chose to keep Greene over Willie Mitchell, the least Greene could do to soften the blow is to step up his Instagram game.
20 Kyle Clifford – Seriously, you guys, this is going to be the year Clifford breaks out. I mean it this time.
21 Jordan Nolan – Do you that he feels left out when he sees all the hype That 70’s Line gets?
22 Brayden McNabb – Anytime you can use a roster spot on a young player that even the Buffalo Sabres didn’t want anymore, you just have to do it.
23 Andy Andreoff – He already leads all NHL rookies in alliteration.

 

Agree? Disagree? I don’t really care! If you still feel compelled to sound off on the rankings, go ahead and leave a comment. It’s a free world.

Garrett Wilson is a lifelong LA Kings fan who now finds himself trapped in the hockey wasteland of the Pacific Northwest. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry. The again, you probably wouldn't like him when he's not angry either. You should probably follow Garret Wilson on Twitter @Garrett_MWAH