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2014-15 #TeamTRH SEASON PREDICTIONS

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Well everyone is doing it. So why would The Royal Half be any different less original? So as self-appointed managing executive editor, I went ahead and asked our #TeamTRH “experts” to give me 5 Bold Predictions as well as their Divisional, Conference and Stanley Cup Winning predictions for the season. And guess what? Some of them even paid attention!

So sit back, enjoy, and be sure to tweet early and often to remind us of every wrong prediction we’ve made.

Jack A. Wilson

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Joe Thornton will not finish the season as a shark. I’m not saying he will get traded, since nobody knows the answer to that for sure. I’m saying he won’t LITERALLY turn into a shark. He will remain a human being.
  2. Jack A. Wilson will remain the only member of Team TRH who is a legitimate member of the media.
  3. Kings Weekly will surpass Seinfeld as the greatest Thursday night TV show of all time.
  4. TRH will stop being an unfunny hack … PSYCH!!! .. that’s never happening.
  5. Jon Rosen will be voted Seventeen magazine’s “Hottest Hunk of 2014.”
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • KINGS
Who Wins the Central?
  • Chicago Blackhawks
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • Montreal Canadiens
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • Pittsburgh Penguins
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • KINGS vs. Blackhawks
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Canadiens vs. Senators
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • Blackhawks vs. Canadiens
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • Blackhawks

 

Indiana Matt

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Justin Williams repeats as Conn Smythe trophy winner.
  2. Tyler Toffoli pots 40 goals.
  3. San Jose trades Joe Thornton
  4. The Royal Half actually creates content for his website again.
  5. One member of TeamTRH doesn’t make it home from the outdoor game.
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • Kings
Who Wins the Central?
  • Which one is the central again?
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • I’ll give it to the team with an artificial Lightning machine: Tampa.
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • The most ironic member of the Metropolitan Division: LUMBUS.
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • Kings and Blackhawks. You can mark me down for this answer the rest of the decade.
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Boston and Detroit. Original six style.
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • LA vs Boston. Days of Y’orr vs Team TRH.
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • Kings. Duh. 

 

King Tufficult

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Tyler Toffoli has a 25+ goal season.
  2. Kopitar finally wins the Selke and appears on the cover of NHL 16 with Gustl.
  3. Mike Richards returns to form and I will be an insufferable gloat about it because I CALLED IT ALL ALONG YOU FAIR WEATHER ASSHOLES.
  4. All members of #TeamTRH will be fully credentialed members of the press by midseason, I will eat something I wasn’t supposed to in the press box and have my access revoked by the All-Star game.
  5. Kings WAGs continue to steal the show on social media to become the only people related to the team more compelling to follow on Twitter than #TeamTRH.
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • At the time of this writing, the Arizona Coyotes are at the top of the Pacific Division preseason standings. 4 preseason games should be enough of a sample size, so I’ll go with them. *real answer: Los Angeles Kings
Who Wins the Central?
  • The St. Louis Blues will continue their quest to become the spiritual successor to the Sharks, following regular season excellence and division banners with some knee-slappingly funny collapses in the playoffs.
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • Toronto. …Oh, I’m sorry, I read this question as “which team will sink like the Titanic?” *real answer: Montreal
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • Fire up your phallic cannons, because this is the year CBJ gets it done. Book it.
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • In a Rocky II-esque rematch, it will be Chicago and LA again. Except I think we’re Apollo Creed in this analogy,so, better re-write that ending. Oh shit this means a KHL team is going to actually kill us in a couple years…
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Montreal and Columbus. One city steeped in glorious culture, hockey tradition, and natural beauty… and the other city is Montreal.
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • LA and Montreal. We gonna party like it’s 1993.
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • Your Los Angeles Kings will soon be back-to-back-to-back full season champions and a full-fledged dynasty for the ages. Believe.

 

Jesse Cohen from All The Kings Men Podcast

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. The Ducks will miss the playoffs.
  2. Dwight King will score 20 goals.
  3. The Sharks will beat the Kings in the outdoor game and Sharks fans will pretend that somehow nullifies the pain and humiliation of the Reverse Sweep.
  4. Drew. Doughty. For. Norris.
  5. The Arizona Coyotes will shock everybody and complete their 82 game schedule proving that they do, in fact, still play in the NHL. Also Shane Doan will retire and everybody will pretend it matters.
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • Los Angeles Kings
Who Wins the Central?
  • St. Louis Blues
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • Tampa Bay Lightning
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • Pittsburgh Penguins
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • LA vs. Chicago III (that’s roman numeral “3”)
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Who cares…
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • LA vs. Manchester Monarchs (that can happen, right?).
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • LOS ANGELES KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS

 

Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Scott Gomez not only makes the Devils roster, he thrives.
  2. Vancouver squeaks into playoffs as a wild card then blows past Dallas.
  3. 4 words: Ben Scrivens, Vezina Candidate.
  4. Florida will be exciting to watch.
  5. I slip into something a little more comfortable and pour myself a nice glass of Courvoisier.
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • Los Angeles Kings
Who Wins the Central?
  • Chicago Blackhawks
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • Boston Bruins
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • Pittsburgh Penguins
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • LA vs. Chicago
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Montreal vs. Washington
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • LA vs Montreal
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • LA

 

Flubber McGee

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Shane Doan continues to play hockey, despite having retired four years ago.
  2. In an effort to get their goaltending woes under control, only four goalies start a game for the Minnesota Wild this season.
  3. Pittsburgh fans hate their new coach, whoever that guy may be.
  4. Carolina. (OK, someone mentioned them. now let’s move on.)
  5. Willie Mitchell wins the Norris Trophy. ‹^› ‹(•¿•)› ‹^›
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • Calgary, because everyone you’ve ever loved has lied to you.
Who Wins the Central?
  • St. Louis, but does that really matter? Are the Blues really that meaningful to your hockey fandom?
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • Oh boy. Willie Mitchell plays for Florida, right? So, Florida.
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • #Lumbus
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • LA vs. Dallas
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Florida vs Columbus. Oh man, this would be like hockey Christmas.
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • LA vs Columbus, because positivity has not and will not be tolerated on social media. 
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • The Columbus Blue Jackets, and their new trade deadline acquisition and captain Mike Richards.

 

Jersey Brian

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Barry Trotz convinces Alexander Ovechkin to really work on his defensive game, and Ovechkin buys in…for one shift.
  2. Marc-Andre Fleury will allow a goal before the season even starts.
  3. Everyone will continue to call them the “Phoenix Coyotes.” Arizona fans will shrug with apathy.
  4. The Phoenix Coyotes will fail to reach the playoffs for the 3rd straight season.
  5. It will finally come out that Corey Perry is actually Scut Farkus, the bully from “A Christmas Story.”
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • After traumatic losses in the playoffs, San Jose and Anaheim will make a shocking announcement next week that they are folding their franchises into one mega-franchise: The San Josenaheim Shucks, for the sole purpose of beating winning the Stanley Cup. While this mega-team will win the division, they’ll still lose in heartbreaking fashion to the Kings in the first round of the playoffs.
Who Wins the Central?
  • Chicago, because Brad Richards is the solution to any problem, am I right Ranger fans?
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • Boston, though I think what’s more important is how long will Toronto linger in the hunt for a playoff spot before they struggle worse than Randy Carlyle with a toaster.
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • New Jersey. Do I truly believe this? No, but one can pray now that they’ve lost the dead weight on the team…and let’s face it, Marty Brodeur was a whole lotta weight.
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • The Los Angeles Kings and the Chicago Blackhawks, mostly because I’m selfish and want to see a sequel to last season’s series so everyone can use the phrase, “But this time, it’s personal.”
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • The Boston Bruins and the Philadelphia Flyers, though the Rangers could get close if they ever scrape Henrik Lundqvist up off the Staples Center ice.
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • The Los Angeles Kings and the Boston Bruins.
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • The Los Angeles Kings

 

PumperNicholl

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Alex Ovechkin and Steven Stamkos each score 60 goals and split the Rocket Richard Award. Stamkos also wins the Hart Trophy, while Ovechkin gets chased through town by a mob of pitchfork and torch-wielding Canadian media members.
  2. Teemu Selanne attempts one last comeback but falls short when he is no longer able to stay awake for the third period of night games.
  3. Jake Muzzin reveals the reason he always looks surprised is because his eyebrows were frozen in place following what he saw when he walked in on Dwight King “eating dinner” in his basement.
  4. In an attempt to boost interest in the US and Canada, the Arizona Coyotes change their name once more, this time rebranding themselves as the Quebec-Vegas Seattles presented by Toronto.
  5. After leading the league in nearly every #fancystat imaginable, Anze Kopitar appears to be a lock for the Selke. That is until a photo emerges of Patrice Bergeron rescuing a cat from a tree. Kopitar finishes 6th in the voting.
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • Tied with the Anaheim Ducks for first place on the last day of the season, the San Jose Sharks come to Staples Center and defeat the LA Kings 6-0 to win the Pacific Division Title. The Sharks then proceed to get swept by the Vancouver Canucks in the first round.
Who Wins the Central?
  • The St. Louis Blues jump out to an insurmountable lead to comfortably win the Central Division Title. Unfortunately for them, they are then #ReverseSwept by the Chicago Blackhawks in the first round.
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • By the beginning of November, the rest of the division will secede from the Atlantic in an attempt to avoid playing the Boston Bruins.
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • Despite the Pittsburgh Penguins running away with another division title, a desperate Jim Rutherford attempts to shore up his shaky goaltending by trading away Marc-Andre Fleury. The entire league tenses up in fear for a few moments until its revealed that Rutherford has acquired Cam Ward.
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • Kings vs. Blackhawks Part 3: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Columbus vs. NY Islanders
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • Blackhawks vs. Islanders
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • Islanders win the Cup, and immediately move to Brooklyn. Riots ensue on Long Island and the Gorton’s Fisherman fights Charles Wang to the death. An inconsolable Matt Moulson is seen wandering the streets of Buffalo before being blindsided with a vicious strike of a 2×4 by a menacing Garth Snow, who then accidentally places John Tavares on waivers.

 

The Royal Half

5 Bold Predictions:
  1. Dallas Stars will not make the playoffs.
  2. Tyler Toffoli will score 35 goals.
  3. Todd McLellan will be fired by December.
  4. Joe Thornton will be traded by January.
  5. San Jose Sharks will not make the playoffs.
Who Wins the Pacific?
  • Sadly, the LA Kings.
Who Wins the Central?
  • St. Louis Blues
Who Wins the Atlantic?
  • Tampa Bay Lightning
Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?
  • Columbus Blue Jackets
Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?
  • Kings vs. Blackhawks
Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?
  • Lightning vs. Capitals
Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?
  • Kings vs. Lightning
Who Wins the Stanley Cup?
  • LA Kings, duh.
PumperNicholl is a lifelong LA Kings fan and actually learned how to speak English from Bob Miller by watching LA Kings games… and the Police Academy movies. You should probably follow PumperNicholl on Twitter @pumpernicholl
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