It may be a hundred million degrees outside, but fall is (allegedly) around the corner. After an off-season filled with drinking, partying, and dog rankings, the LA Kings are ready for the new season, and what better way to start off the season than by making sure everyone’s conditioning is at a peak with the LA Kings 5k Run/Walk. But sadly, this wasn’t a fitness test for the players, but one for the fans.


I was literally finished before I even started.

Based on the exercise habits of Team TRH, I figured the only people that would show up for a Kings-themed race at 6am would be a handful of chunky dudes wearing misspelled Jeff Schultz jerseys. But I was pleasantly surprised to see over a thousand people wearing non-insider joke Kings gear, in-shape and ready to run.


Here were the highlights:

  • The course itself was great, mostly because it was flat and also because it was flat. But the best part was that it was flat. Did I mention it was flat?
  • This guy ran in costume as “Mike Richards’ Undisclosed Injury”


  • Usually, they only give trophies to the top 3 runners in each age group, but oddly enough, they arbitrarily gave me a pretty amazing trophy for finishing 23rd in my group. Lucky me!


Daryl Evans was greeting fans as they arrived at the race. For those who don’t know, Daryl’s a hardcore runner. I’m as obsessed with runner’s habits and routines as TRH is with Jeff Carter in a suit, so I took a moment and asked him about his training.

His goal for 2014 was to run every single day of the year, and so far, he’s only missed 9 days. For a comparison, I’ve missed 9 days of running in the last two weeks alone. As we talked, I noticed that his sneakers, much like his skates, were untied…


For those of you that aren’t familiar with the natural phenomenon that are Daryl Evan’s Untied Skates™… here is a easy reference:

I’ve seen MLB All-Star games that are tied more than Daryl Evan’s skates.

But I was disappointed to see that once the race started, Daryl had tied them up. How did I know? Because as I slowly paced myself past the one-mile mark, he cruised passed me as if I had been standing still.

This is what it looked like. But with a sharper elbow to my gut.

Where else could you compete in an athletic competition and beat a bunch of world-class pro-athletes? This one.


Cup hangover? No, they’re just saving their energy for the season, right?

On a side-note, I ran in a 5k race in 2001 at Wake Forest University that was sponsored by the men’s basketball team. At the time, Wake was a top-25 program and the players had to run along with those of us who signed up for the race. I was feeling good when I passed a few of these guys, including future NBA’er Darius Songaila, with ease. I was a bit shocked when I passed a huffing and puffing Darius (and his teammates) a second and third time. Apparently, Darius and his teammates were cheating and cutting through sections of the course to avoid running the entire race.

A good chunk of the team (Kopitar, Carter, Greene, Martinez, Quick, etc.) were standing just before the 3 mile mark, clearly waiting to cheer someone on. I was hoping that after all of the jokes I’ve launched in Matt Greene’s direction, he’d finally get his payback.

I mean it’s easy – my running form looks like a Babe Ruth Home Run Trot in slow-motion. But sadly, he missed his opportunity. Don’t worry, I won’t miss mine.


This is actually a GIF of Matt Greene moving at full-speed.
(Please don’t hurt me, Matt.)

As fun as it was to mingle with the players, there was one celebrity that caused a true commotion…



That’s right, Gustl made his 2014-2015 season debut and the crowd went wild. Despite being ranked #2 on the most controversial list ever, Gustl was easily #1 in everyone’s hearts at the race. His appearance inspired me to run harder and faster and to take a piss on a fire hydrant.

Also, people seemed interested in the guy holding Gustl’s leash – I’m guessing he’s “famous” much in the same way that the keeper of the Cup is “famous.” Must be tough to be 2nd to Gustl.

Sadly, there was no appearance by Arnold at the race, leading fans to speculate that he’s struggling with the pressure of being top dog.

For those who didn’t show up, you missed out on a great event to raise awareness for two great causes… Kings Care and the Hydrocephalus Association.

You now have a year to get into shape – Gustl’s waiting for you.

And by the time next year’s race rolls around, I should just about be crossing the finish line.

Brian was born and raised in New Jersey, where the first things he was taught to say were his exit number, the lyrics to “Born To Run and “Rangers Suck!” After moving to LA 15 years ago and due to the time difference… he has spent far more time watching and following the LA Kings than the New Jersey Devils. On quiet nights, Brian pulls out his 1995, 2000 and 2003 Stanley Cup VHS tapes and smiles awkwardly You can follow Jersey Brian on Twitter @brianmccarthy1.