As alluded to on last night’s broadcast by Bob Miller and Jim Fox, there is perhaps only one other event in the history of regular season Kings games that made me feel so cheek-clenchingly furious, so justifiably gripped with boiling hot rage.

Oh, that son of a…

It almost makes me feel better to remember #Clowegate, because that was an instance of willful cheating by an odiously dishonorable and dirty shithead.

Instead, what we witnessed last night was merely an unfortunate confluence of incompetence by the zebras. It was a hiccup by the Hockey Gods – but not a cute mousey hiccup; no, this was a full-on post-Indian food acid reflux esophageal fire vomit belch that nearly drove us all mad with rage.

Before we take a look at some of the top tweets from last night’s putrid proceedings, I’d like to remind you of three things:

1.) Mike Richards scored a goal

Why this should make you feel better: This is what Rick needs to get back into his scoring groove. This was no ugly goal or some fortunate bounce, this was an absolutely filthy snipe off the bottom of the crossbar that Richards flung past an Olympic goaltender.

This PP goal reminded me that I firmly believe Sutter needs to stop weighing Richards down with scrubs like Frattin and reunite him with Carter.

2.) Trevor Lewis has two goals in the last two games

Why this should make you feel better: If you’re a Kings fan and you can’t take heart in the fact that Trevor Lewis is not going to finish the season with zero goals, you are a crotchety Grinch to say the least. Perhaps, freed of the burden of attempting to make the US Olympic squad, Lewis can stop gripping the stick so tightly and get the offensive part of his game to match the efficiency of his defense.

3.) The Red Wings probably won’t make the playoffs for the first time in 22 years

Why this should make you feel better: Sweet, sweet Karma. Let them have their undeserved victory – that team is as stale and decimated by injuries as any I’ve seen in a while. As good as they are, dropping Zetterberg and Datsyuk onto an AHL roster is not a playoff-worthy strategy.


Remember, you discerning and intelligent Royal Half readers, if you’re not following all of #TeamTRH on Twitter, as well as some of these other hilarious weirdos (such as my current favorite, @SharksGotMyLeg), you’re missing half the fun. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?


In case you missed it this morning, normally knowledgeable baseball pundit Peter Gammons decided to fart out a ridiculous tweet regarding the group hug that happened last night between Vancouver and Calgary.

Oh no you didn’t.

And finally, something both Red Wings and Kings fans can agree on:

Tufficult out.

-King Tufficult (@KingTufficult)

As a child, King Tufficult liked to hang out at Iceoplex to watch his dad’s summer skating group that included many gloriously mulleted individuals. Some of the people attached to those mullets played for the early 90′s LA Kings. It was destiny. Since then, King Tufficult is best known for extensively traveling in Europe during the Cup Finals and writing “The Post” after Game 6 of the 2014 WCF. If you're a glutton for punishment, you can follow King Tufficult on Twitter @KingTufficult.