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FREEWAY FARCE: WEEK 6

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FreewayFarce900

 

WEEK 6 (Nov 5-Nov 11)

Los Angeles Kings (11-6-0)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the LA Kings:

christina-aguilera

Awwwwwwwwwwwww shiiiiiiit!!! Here’s why: 

VeyToNolan1

ToffoliVan1

How was Colin Fraser slighted this week?:

Interesting developments in the Kings twitter-sphere lately:

 

 

 

Colin Fraser, you have no idea how right you are.

Ouch. Regional cable network burn.

 

The power of the internet would eventually demonstrate itself:

 Oh man, that’s funny, Willie Mitchell fell and almost took out Jonathan Quick’s legs, and could have easily blown out his knee. Hilarious.

Something that is actually funny:

 

And what’s even funnier is the twitter account of the guy who actually found the video.

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 5.19.56 PM

Cosplay is my favorite advanced stat in hockey.

Also amusing: the struggle it was to get that video to twitter.

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 5.23.08 PM

Not Vey-ry Punny:

If you weren’t already aware, this is a thing:

That of course led to the people of twitter going way overboard, trying to use ALL OF THE puns. Let’s see how bad it got:

Ooooh, edgy. 

Not bad. Not bad.

Timely!

 

I don’t get that one, but I appreciate the effort.

 

We have a new leader in the clubhouse.

I think we’re officially out of ideas.

We have resorted to 90s alt rock puns. Let’s take it easy.

Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far..

Winner! Shut it down.

God bless you, Dave Joseph

All the while, All The Kings Men was ruining it for everybody.

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 8.12.22 PM

This thing apparently struck some sort of weird nerve with ATKM.

Can somebody help Patrick O’Neal?

LA KINGS BLOGGER BEEF!!!:

I was licking my chops when I saw that Jim Fox would be talking Corsi (or CORSI) in Thursday’s Kings broadcast. While it did bring us some nice snark …

… we didn’t reach our dream of blogger versus TV personality nerd rage, because Jim Fox apparently knows what the fuck he is talking about.

Don’t fret though, we still had shots fired within the blogging community. 

GET SOME!!!

That was it for this week, but hey, it’s quality not quantity. And that’s some quality shit-talking.

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (15-3-1)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim:

excited-mallard

This is a goose, not a duck, but you get the point.

Ambien Tweets with Dustin Penner:

Now, I wouldn’t know anything about this, but I hear that it’s fun to take Ambien and see how long you can stay awake. Apparently this is a pastime that Dustin Penner enjoys as well.

Awwww, Corey Perry looks so peaceful while he’s sleeping. He almost doesn’t even look like a giant piece of shit.

Drugs are fun, kids.

That’s perfect because I have always said that Dustin Penner is equal parts John Goodman from The Big Lebowski, Woody Harrelson from White Men Can’t Jump, and Martin Lawrence from Bad Boys.

 

 

 

 

That could have gone a lot worse, but you have to remember that Dustin Penner is a LARGE man. Try horse tranquilizers next time.

The Worst of the Worst from @ducksfanzone (DUCK’S BLOGGER BEEF!!!!!!!!!!):

 You probably won’t be shocked to find out that DFZ felt his team was slighted by the media, once again. But there’s a twist. This time they were slighted by fellow Ducks fan, Jen Neale.

You will pay Jen Neale, you will pay.

 

She’s writing negative things about her favorite team because she feels self-important? Not sure I’m following.

Either way, DFZ decided to take this matter up with her boss.

 

 

 

 

 

Wow. OK, well you got that out of your sys…

You do? Because I have no idea what is going on right now. I feel like Dustin Penner slipped me an Ambien.

Soon, Jen Neale would cop to her transgression.

 

 

 

 

Wait. Wait. Wait. There are people who think the Ducks are a SCF lock???

 

Come on, dude. At least try to fit that into one tweet.

 

She’s trying to make peace. Don’t fall for it, DFZ. Keep fighting your confusing fight.

 

This went on for a LONG time, and it only gets worse from here. Just know that everything you just read (and a lot more) happened over the course of less than 90 minutes on the DFZ twitter feed. So, you know, #FF I guess.

Not to beat a dead, annoying horse, but it should also be noted that DFZ thinks statistical rankings are open to interpretation. Again, he got into it with a fellow Ducks fan:

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 7.08.06 PM

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 7.12.07 PM

Let’s make sure we’re all on the same page. If SEVEN players have more points than Corey Perry, then Corey Perry has the EIGHTH most points. That’s it. The end.

 

SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE WEEK?

First Round, Stat Line of the Week:

Kings:

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 9.44.45 AM

 

 

 

 

I can’t wait until Kings fans freak out, when Jarret Stoll, Kyle Clifford, and Jeff Carter return, and Tyler Toffoli gets sent back down.

Ducks:

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 9.38.37 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll go ahead and make the same joke that every Kings fan has made this week: “Man, the Kings sure could use a Left Wing like that ahahahahaha***TEARS***

Winner: Dustin Penner’s 2014 contract

Let’s assume next year will be a bounce back year:

Screen Shot 2013-11-10 at 9.56.10 AM

(via Cap Geek)

Second Round, War of Words:

Kings:

Darryl Sutter, via lakingsinsider.com

On Vey and Toffoli:
I think both of them showed their offensive composure and ability to handle pucks under pressure. Tyler’s a shooter and Linden’s a playmaker and Linden made a good play on Jordy’s goal. Tyler, him and Mike, well that line was really good. It’s not so much Tyler. King and Richards were really good also.

Oh my god, Darryl Sutter is the mom from Ordinary People, you guys. Always withholding love. You’ll never be Jeff Carter, young Toffoli.

Ducks:

Ryan Getzlaf, via latimes.com

Only Teemu Selanne, playing in his 1,400th career game Friday, ever scored three times in the first — on Nov. 10, 1997, against San Jose. Vinny Prospal, in 2004, was the most recent Duck to score four points in a period.

“Teemu said he had 10,” hat tricks “by this many games,” Getzlaf said.

Seriously, Teemu is just the best.

Winner: Anything but Ryan Miller’s mental stability

Third Round, Video Highlight of the Week:

Kings:

That was a FOUR-WHOA goal, for Jim Fox. Very impressive. Speaking of which, some friendly advice:

Ducks:

Fans throwing hats at Ryan Getzlaf and his premature baldness, FOREVER.

Winner: Poor, poor Ryan Miller

WINNER OF THE WEEK: Tanner Pearson’s cell phone provider.

peasron

Guys? I miss you. Call soon, K?

A rambling man, Hrudey can't be tied to any one team. But because he's too cheap for NHL Gamecenter, his NHL universe consists only of Ducks and Kings broadcasts. What he lacks in knowledge of the actual sport of hockey, he makes up for in snark and pop culture references. You can follow Hrudey Can't Fail on Twitter @HrudeyCantFail.
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