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FREEWAY FARCE: WEEK 4

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WEEK 3 (Oct 21-Oct 27)

 

Los Angeles Kings (8-4-0)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the LA Kings:

lion king

A new “King” is born. The good news is that the team found their new second line LW. The bad news is that it’s this weirdo:

dwight king counting

Please ignore the incorrect info in that Fox Sports West graphic, and just focus on Dwight King trying to count to 3.

LA KINGS BLOGGER BEEF!!!:

Last week we told you about Mayor’s Manor getting into the #fancystats game, and the fun Twitter disagreement it led to between them and Jewels from the Crown. Not to be out done, Dennis Bernstein has now dipped his toe in the CORSI Corsi pool.

Eliciting these reactions from JFTC:

 

 

Look, everybody just calm down. Integrating these advanced metrics into our day-to-day hockey conversations is going to be a gradual process. Those who are already familiar with these analytics should be patient with those who are new to them. Those who are new to them should not feel overly-sensitive or insecure about making mistakes at first.

Oh, goddammit.

Fake Bob Miller tweets of the week:

The beauty of these is in the details, like making “insta gram” two words and including a space between “#” and “bob”.

“Who runs the Bob Miller parody account?” is one of life’s great unanswered questions. Please step forward, whoever you are, so we can give you your proper praise.

 

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (9-3-0)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim:

canada gif

The Ducks’s hot start lost a little bit of traction this week, as they dropped 2 of 3 games, north of the border.

And because they gave up a hat trick to Phil Kessel, TRH internet law mandates that I now include this photo:

USA Hockey 2014 Olympic Portraits

This Week in Dustin Penner:

 Awful Announcing did a really nice job of recapping Dustin Penner’s interactions with trolls, after being knocked unconscious by an illegal hit last Sunday. The unfortunate part of this is that he had so many other great tweets overlooked this week. Let’s fix that!

No. The In-N-Out Burger is on Camrose.

Dustin Penner. Forever dropping Big Lebowski quotes.

Wow. That was more damning than a negative Yelp review.

After seeing that reply from Dustin, honestly ask yourself, “How could anybody have an issue with this guy?”

The Worst of the Worst from @ducksfanzone:

I’m glad you brought this up, insane person from the internet. It’s about time we discuss the Ducks’ usage of “Brohymn” by Pennywise as their goal song.

If you aren’t familiar with the history behind the song, Wikipedia actually has a decent breakdown. Here’s the gist of it:

“Bro Hymn” is a song by American punk rock band Pennywise. It is the last track on their 1991 self-titled debut album … Its lyrics are about the death of bassist Jason Thirsk’s friends Tim Colvin, Carlos Canton who died in a car accident, and Tom Nichols who drowned at Hermosa Beach Pier in 1988.

Sadly, just a few years later, Thirsk died at the age of just 28. That led to:

In 1996, following the death of Thirsk, “Bro Hymn” was recorded again for their fourth album Full Circle as “Bro Hymn Tribute”, which is dedicated to him.

So this song is about four guys who tragically died in their 20s. What’s up Ducks? Was “Brick” by Ben Folds Five not available?

We’re not even going to get into the fact that Pennywise is from Hermosa Beach, the town that most Kings players call home.

Ooh, Ouch. Silfverberg!

 

SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE WEEK?

First Round, Stat Line of the Week:

Kings:

Screen Shot 2013-10-27 at 4.40.06 PM

On Thursday night, against the Phoenix Coyotes, Anze Kopitar scored his first goal of the season, finally validating him as a good hockey player. For this feat, he was awarded the first star of the game, because nothing else significant happened.

Dwight King gif

Ducks:

Screen Shot 2013-10-27 at 4.38.49 PM

While Kopitar clearly deserved the first star, this one doesn’t make a lick of sense. How did Saku Koivu get the third star, in the Ducks game in Montreal, with no goals or assists and only one shot on goal?

Winner: Kings

FIGURE IT OUT, HOCKEY WRITERS!!!

 

Second Round, War of Words:

Kings:

Darryl Sutter, from lakingsinsider.com

On whether he knew the team would score seven goals after the lineup adjustments:
Yep. Good thing they didn’t kick the field goal on the last play of the game.

On what he said during the third period timeout and the game tied:
Drop back and punt. Fourth down…You don’t want to have to come from behind, and you don’t want to have to score the winning goal after a four-goal lead, but it was awesome. It’s really good to see Kopi get his first, Mike get his first, see Frattin get his first, and see Kinger get rewarded for…sort of the grunt work.

Darryl Sutter misapplying football terms? Darryl Sutter misapplying football terms.

Ducks:

Dustin Penner, from Eric Stephens of the OC Register

Luv U Penns

Winner: Ducks

This is the best case scenario for Dustin Penner. He can give all of the clever quotes that he wants, with no actual expectation of playing hockey.

 

Third Round, Video Highlight of the Week:

Kings:

Mike Richards has 28 short handed goals in his career. He’s tied with Martin St. Louis, for the most by an active player.  TWENTY. EIGHT. 

Ducks:

That move by Maroon! That reaction by Randy Carlyle! Beautiful.

Winner: Kings

TWENTY FUCKING EIGHT.

richards

 

WINNER OF THE WEEK: Matt Frattin. Appropriately, one of his nicknames is Fratt Party, since he went with, “just the tip” here.

A rambling man, Hrudey can't be tied to any one team. But because he's too cheap for NHL Gamecenter, his NHL universe consists only of Ducks and Kings broadcasts. What he lacks in knowledge of the actual sport of hockey, he makes up for in snark and pop culture references. You can follow Hrudey Can't Fail on Twitter @HrudeyCantFail.
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