Wildcard, Bitches!

When Coach Murray announced that he was putting Scott Parse into the starting lineup for Game 5 as well as benching Alex Ponikarovsky for current whipping boy, Dustin Penner, it’s safe to say that Kings fans had their doubts. Well, imagine what the players were thinking!

“I’m sorry, who? Scott Parse? I thought we traded him last season for Jeff Halpern.”

“Are you there God? It’s me, Dustin.
Please don’t let Penner be on my line tonight.”

“What? Parse is playing tonight?
What?!? You are my new center?!?” 

“No, coach, I’m just saying… it’s a LOT harder to get trim after the game when
I’m on the 4th line. I didn’t say it was impossible. Just a lot harder.
And who is Scott Parse?”

“Awesome! I really do have good looking elbows. You are the man, DD!”

“See! I told you all that the only thing this lineup was missing was
a 5′ 11″ left winger who hadn’t played since mid-November. Wildcard, bitches!“ 

Kings 3, Sharks 1
Sharks lead series 3-2
Sharks Choke Meter: Hopeful

Click Here to Read the Rest of The Royal Half Game 5 Recap!!!

Jon Quick was amazing last night for the Kings. Sure, he gave up 12 goals in back to back games… but his save percentage for the series is .918 compared to Antti Niemi’s .865. 51 saves in a pressure filled elimination game should hopefully give Quick the attention he’s been deserving all year from the rest of the hockey world. The press sure did want to talk to him after the game.

Honestly, who uses a note pad anymore?

But the real story of Game 5 (and all of the Kings games so far) has been the “3rd” line of Kyle Clifford, Brad Richardson and Wayne Simmonds. These speedy, grinding forwards have scored 6 of the Kings 17 total goals and have 13 points in the 5 games. For long time Kings fans, they may remind you of the 1993 line of Tony Granato, Corey Millen and Mike Donnelly. Except for the fact that the current line is nearly 2 feet taller than that line from 1993. I’ve been calling them the “Mac Book Pro Line” because those Apple laptops come in 13″, 15″ and 17″… the numbers of Clifford, Richardson and Simmonds. But let’s call them what they really are… The Three Amigos.

Wherever there is a goal needed, you will find us. 
Wherever there is cycling in the corners, we’ll be there. 
Wherever elimination is threatened, you will find… 
The Three Amigos!

Seriously, has anyone checked Kyle Clifford for a soul lately?
Or if he reflects in a mirror at least?

Of course, the Kings are lasting further in the playoffs than many people thought they would. And that means longer playoff beards.

I’m getting the sense that Jim Fox may dye his hair.

Dustin Brown may be able to lead his team,
but he can’t lead the hair to grow in on his face.

To call it peach fuzz would be an insult to peaches.

Scott Parse has played 5 games in the last 6 months and he’s got a better beard than Brown or Quick.

Of course, for long-suffering San Jose Sharks fans… seeing a team unable to close out an elimination game is nothing new. But it’s still driven Coach Todd McLellan to drink.

That’s not water in there.

And the San Jose fans are just sick with the realization that this series could go to 7 games.

Sweet ironic teal Zubaz, bro.

Apparently, if the Sharks lose this series, they are re-naming this street outside
HP Pavilion, “Choke Alley.”


San Jose wants to be like Hollywood so bad they even
invited Crispin Glover up to their GM’s box.  

And then in between the 1st and 2nd period of Saturday nights game… this happened:

So when the Northern California equivalent to Heidi Androl, the extremely well-coiffed Brodie Brazil, comes down to Los Angeles… does he do an interview with the manager of Medieval Times?

I had no idea there was a Michal Handzus night.

Besides the interview with the Shark Whisperer, there was one other big interview “get” in between periods. Big hockey fan and GM of the current worst run franchise in Los Angeles, Ned Colletti.

Ned, thanks for talking hockey with us. Quick first question…
Fans killing fans… what’s up with that? 

Fox Sports West HD also gave us fans a look behind the scenes at how the Kings log all of game video footage.

“Let’s see… by my calculations… yes, the Kings did lose a 4 goal lead in Game 3.”

Well, there is going to be at least one more game at Staples Center this season. Monday at 7pm. I’m excited that my Home Game 3 ticket doesn’t become a bookmark just yet. Although, I know someone who may be having a lot of time to do some reading soon.

Dear Diary. Today didn’t start out well at all…

Game 6, Monday night at Staples Center. I could just scream.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.