TRH RECAP 55: AN OFFENSIVE PERFORMANCE

KINGS 0, COYOTES 3

Okay, here’s my recap: ready?  This was the Stadium Series game, except against the Coyotes. The power play was terrible. Oh, and the only old guys wearing makeup were in the broadcast booth.

The dirtiest totally legal hit you’ll ever see.

Man, has there been a comparable stretch in the LA Kings Era of Actually Playing Well where the team has looked this bad? We’ve been treated to 2 goals in 4 games and an outdoor spectacle where we paid a hefty fee to personally witness what was supposed to be a celebration go terribly wrong. Instead, our rivals shut us out and launch fireworks while we stumbled to our cars.

Yes, it’s a difficult time to be a Kings fan. A time when you might find yourself unhinged, muttering gibberish and finding your only solace at the bottom of a 3am internet spiral watching Stanley Cup Moments 2012 videos, a light misting of Funyun dust gracing your bathrobe.

Luckily, as a fellow degenerate Kings fan for life, I’m willing to wallow in this frustration and suffering to bring you a little segment we like to call…

KING TUFFICULT PRESENTS: RATE MY TRUCULENCE

CONTESTANT #1

Who could blame you for appealing to a deity or two for clarity on the Kings’ latest implosion? Pucks have trickled just barely wide, we’ve hit posts, Trevor Lewis has a couple goals now… things are just spookily uncomfortable and out of the ordinary. Unfortunately Contestant #1, you seem surprisingly calm and level-headed. I think we can find some more intense instances of fan exasperation.

TUFFCON LEVEL: 1

CONTESTANT #2

Now that’s a healthy dose of exasperation right there, but there’s no swearing or otherwise unhinged behavior.

TUFFCON LEVEL: 2

CONTESTANT #3

 

OH YEAH, that’s what I’m talking about right there. That has hints of a meltdown, traces of that old familiar seething fury… good stuff.

TUFFCON LEVEL: 2.5

CONTESTANT #4

HEY HEY! That’s just uncalled for.

TUFFCON LEVEL: 5

 

See you at the next massacre Penguins game,

-King Tufficult (@KingTufficult)

As a child, King Tufficult liked to hang out at Iceoplex to watch his dad's summer skating group that included many gloriously mulleted individuals. Some of the people attached to those mullets played for the early 90's LA Kings. It was destiny. Since then, King Tufficult has enjoyed such hobbies as: watching his lifelong favorite sports team achieve their first championship in history, being unable to pee at Staples Center if too many people are waiting for his urinal, and "contributing" to The Royal Half.If you're a glutton for punishment, you can follow King Tufficult on Twitter @KingTufficult.