TRH RECAP 53: NHL Stadium Seri-ously No Offense

KINGS 0, DUCKS 3

 

Welcome to the official The Royal Half “NHL Stadium Series presented by Coors Light®” Game Recap presented by Bud Light Lime®!  Once again, I could not attend the game, so instead you get me recapping the game.  But fear not, I know a little something about watching games on TV, and I’m sure the experience was so much better from the warm comfort of your own home than actually being at Dodger Stadium for the game.

It’s getting to the point where it’s just easier to point out TRH’s #nonhumblebrags.

You know something is awesome if Jesse Cohen is positive about it.  Okay, now I’m officially jealous…

Those of us forced to watch on television were treated to a cool opening sequence narrated by Vin Scully.  So, take that, people that payed money not to watch Vin Scully on television!

I’m not from Los Angeles, nor do I care much about the Dodgers or Southern California sports that are not the Kings, but no other disinterested party could do a better job hyping this game than Vin Scully.  That said, the introduction by Bob Miller and Scully was a great excuse to throw two legendary broadcasters on the same stage at the same time.  Plus, it’s always good to see the USC band play at Dodger Stadium!

Compared to the reserved Scully, Bob Miller sounds like a screaming lunatic.

And with that, the NHL Stadium Series ended…

…oh yeah, there was a game too!

FIRST PERIOD:

The game started about how you would expect a high-energy, outdoor game might.  Well, that is for a team that hasn’t lost four straight.

 Oh well, I’m sure that was just early game jitt…

Oh boy.

Well, it’s a good thing no one could see the goals while sitting in the Dodger Stadium seats, right?

At some point, Anze Kopitar was awarded a penalty shot.  If he scored, the Kings would pull within one and we may have been spared the depressing display of offense and failed power plays.  Alas, it was not meant to be.

And here’s what it looked like to everyone who could see what was going on:

Bad baseball puns were prevalent during the game on Twitter and from the commentators on NBCSN, and at the expense of our sanity, here is just ONE of them, and one of them only.

It’s at this time in the recap where we make fun of KISS, post a few funny tweets, and feast on the low-hanging fruit that is Gene Simmons’s public life.  Alas, I stepped out to get food during the first intermission.  So, I leave it to our blogger friend Rudy Kelly to sum up KISS’s performance:

Personally, I do not have a huge problem with KISS, and they can sing wherever they want as long as people are given the option whether or not they have to watch them.  That said, has any of the concerts at this year’s Stadium Series or Winter Classic games been any good so far?

Nope, I guess not.

That said, the Venice Beach backdrop with volleyball and roller hockey was kind of pointless if you were not at the game.  It’s hard to watch roller hockey games going on when you’re in a commercial break or watching KISS or Five For Fighting video montages.

SECOND PERIOD:

I’m listening…

THIRD PERIOD:

So, the second period kind of sucked, but at least we got to watch Anson Carter.  Take that, Stadium Series stadium-goers!

Oh yeah, the game.  Forgot…

This was truly awful.

TRH THREE STARS OF THE NIGHT

3. Kings Offense

2. Jeremy Roenick

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

So many jokes…so few words…no capacity to speak…

1. The View

One thing everyone at the game had was a unique view of the game.  What those of us watching on television had was the aerial shots of the scene at Dodger Stadium, and a natural view of the playing surface.  But the best views came from farther away, seeing 55,000 people at a hockey game in January in Southern California.  For at least a night, the center of the Los Angeles sports landscape.

Hope you had fun at your dumb baseball stadium watching dumb hockey in dumb 60 degree weather. Dumb Los Angelenos.

Flubber McGee is TRH's resident Kansas City correspondent, and has survived as a Kings fan long before the dawn of Internet streaming sites. He has seen the Kings win exactly zero non-exhibition games in person. Have you ever achieved enlightenment? Flubber has, because he once witnessed Kevin and Brett Westgarth fight in, and get kicked out of, the same game (they didn't fight each other, unfortunately). In addition to being a part of TRH, Flubber runs a Kansas City hockey blog. It's exactly what you think it is. You can follow Flubber McGee on Twitter @FlubberMcGee.