TRH RECAP 51: COLUMBUS BOO JACKETS

KINGS 3, BLUE JACKETS 5

In a game that started while many Angelenos were still finishing up their workday, this match had all the charm of spending your afternoon commute slowly slicing your toe off with a skate blade.

Despite jumping out to an early lead thanks to King and Lewis’ unstoppable offensive virility, the LA Kings fell to the Columbus Blue Jackets, 5-3. Martin Jones looked like he was considering claiming a timely mid-game bout of Jimmy Howard Assquake, while Richards and Doughty looked downright narcoleptic, and only Jeff Carter was a consistently dangerous offensive option.

Yes, this was an Ohio-flavored game, but our embarrassment is mitigated somewhat by the fact that only 300 or so people cared enough to go watch the Jackets establish a franchise-record 7th straight victory.

Also, THE BLUE JACKETS GAVE UP A GOAL TO ROBYN REGEHR. Seriously though, which one of you is making sacrifices to the Game of Thrones fire priestess lady to make this kind of sorcery happen in real life?

The Kings ran around often, visibly giving up a step or two to the hungrier and speedily creative Columbus attack. Jeff Carter was booed lustfully (and I do mean lustfully… eh? Eh?) by Jackets fans every time he touched the puck, which only inspired the soon-to-be Olympian to pot a goal in his 4th straight game.

With all that said, of course, it just wouldn’t be a frustrating loss to an inferior opponent without a rousing round of…

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?

CONTESTANT #1 – ANZE KOPITAR

This really says “My father is from Jesenice.”
Which is actually worse.

Tufficult’s Rebuttal: Okay, okay, there’s no question we need the big guy to get on the scoresheet some more. However, is anyone truly surprised at this point by Anze’s annual Winter disappearing act? At least he’s boasting a respectable plus/minus and is playing some inspired defensive hockey. Kopitar has shown up in the clutch for us in the past, so let’s not count him out quite yet. It’s a long season, and as Darryl Sutter might say – “you go ahead and criticize him, but I won’t.”

CONTESTANT #2 – DARRYL SUTTER

Tufficult’s Rebuttal: Mmm, I’m not buying it. This team has been notorious for its inability to consistently score “enough” goals for at least 4 years, and Darryl Sutter coached largely this same roster to a Stanley Cup. However, I do believe his incessant line juggling is having an overall negative effect on the team. Let’s stick with what we know works:

Brown/Kopitar/Williams – Richards/Carter/Pylon – KING/Stoll/Lewis – Eenie/Meenie/Miney(Moe)

This new pairing of Kopitar and Carter; or as I call it – Karpitar (despite sounding like a rejected Pokemon species) just isn’t working for me. Let’s get back to basics, Darryl.
 

PARTING SHOTS

I don’t know what this tweet means, but it sounds vaguely pornographic.

Hmm, tastes bland, could use a little more meaningful career accomplishments.

We’ll get ‘em next time,

Tufficult out.

-King Tufficult (@KingTufficult)

As a child, King Tufficult liked to hang out at Iceoplex to watch his dad's summer skating group that included many gloriously mulleted individuals. Some of the people attached to those mullets played for the early 90's LA Kings. It was destiny. Since then, King Tufficult has enjoyed such hobbies as: watching his lifelong favorite sports team achieve their first championship in history, being unable to pee at Staples Center if too many people are waiting for his urinal, and "contributing" to The Royal Half.If you're a glutton for punishment, you can follow King Tufficult on Twitter @KingTufficult.
  • anexanhume

    Right on target for our 8th seed.

    • theroyalhalf

      Nailed it.