TRH RECAP 45: THE BIGGEST LOSER – COUPLES EDITION

This recap is for my number one fan…

Ask and you shall receive, my friend!

 

Today you are getting a special treat though, not only are you getting an amazing OGOP recap, it’s also co-written by everyone’s favorite yellow man (not racist, he seriously just gets a boner whenever he sees anything yellow), Spike!

SPIKE: Since the Kings are playing a team that has a primary color of gold, I decided to forgo wearing any yellow this evening while watching the game.  

OGOP: Thank God! Anyway, as I write this the game is about half way through the third and the Kings hold a 3-1 lead. While I’m sure they’ll find a way to shit the bed, so far they haven’t been terrible. Jeff Carter, doing what he does best, made me throw my bra against the TV with his sexual goal scoring.

#AllHeDoesIsMakeMyPantsComeOff

SPIKE: After removing the bra from the television, Brigitte decided she had to clean the kitchen, and I’m serious… she cleaned my sister’s kitchen (not a euphemism). The 2nd period started and while I was eating chips and guacamole (that I made) the Kings proceeded to score two goals.  Justin Williams took a pass from Slava Voynov and scored a goal that would have made Brigitte take off more clothing, if she saw it.  

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 10.01.41 PM

SPIKE: Meanwhile I beat PumperNicholl to the punch!  Suuuuuuck it!

OGOP: (FYI this is a screen grab from Spike’s phone if you couldn’t tell)

SPIKE: I actually the text to yellow on my phone.

SPIKE: I think I might have a problem.

SPIKE: After that, the Kings executed on what is the rarely seen “one-timer.”  It was a breath of fresh air to see a one-timer actually happen!  Meanwhile Brigitte was still in the kitchen.  

OGOP: While I was cleaning up the gigantic mess that SOMEBODY left…

SPIKE: (…to be fair, she did cook dinner.)

OGOP: (To be fair, YOU ATE IT YOU PIECE OF SHIT)… I left my second home and returned to the living room, only to watch the fucking Bruins score.

OGOP: I should have just stayed in there, because that’s where I belong, RIGHT JESSE!??

OGOP: After I finished all kitchen tasks I decided to actually watch the game I’m supposed to recap. AND DUSTIN BROWN JUST SCORED A FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GOAL FUCK YESSSSS!!!

I guess someone started another trade rumor!

SPIKE: Late in the game some guy named Florek scored his 1st career NHL goal.  

SPIKE: If I really cared about a Bruin having their 1st career moments at Staples Center, I’d just remember this game.  

SPIKE: Is there another NHL Player that ever had his 1st career goal and assist lead towards a Gordie Howe Hat Trick?  Also, I will always fondly remember this game where we had a hooker in our section who let fans celebrate goals by letting them slap her ass.  I couldn’t actually tell you much of what happened in the third period of that game.

OGOP: And that’s how we met!

Also, thank you for hijacking my post with stupid fucking stats that no one cares about!

SPIKE: That’s one of the few things I’m good for.  Who remembers Lucic’s first Gordie and a hooker?

OGOP: That’s no way to talk about his baby mama, Spike!

4664611741_3bc0405cbb_z

Sweet frozen yogurt, Lucic.

OGOP: No, instead of obsessing over games played 10 years ago, Spike… what people really care about is dumb tweets from fans during the game played yesterday!

English, please.

Wait, what?

Oh fuck yissss, I have a feeling that tattoo shows up in a future post.

I know, right? Fucking refs, go have another donut!

What??

Except the Kings are ummm…good.

LA Queens? Man where does this guy come up with these?

Ah I knew a Sharks fan would chime in somewhere

Amen.

thanks to @PeteBlackburn for GIF’ing the hell out of the game last night

One Girl One Puck is The Royal Half’s resident creeper. Her amazing posts, “Know Your Opponent“, have become a fan “favorite”. If any hockey player did anything stupid at any point of their life, and if someone was kind enough to take a picture, there’s a 100% chance she will put it in a post. She has been a Kings fan for over 15 years, even through the years when Jere Karalahti played “defense”.One Girl One Puck is also the co-founder of the hugely popular Tumblr page "Drew Doughty in Blue Jays Hats." It's exactly what you think it is. If you enjoy pointless posts about hockey players butts, she’s your girl!You can follow One Girl, One Puck on Twitter @OneGirlOnePuck.