TRH Recap 13: It’z No Good

I just wish there was some way to visually represent the frustration on the faces of the players for the Los Angeles Kings right now.

PENGUINS 3, KINGS 2 (SO)

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Well… on the bright side, at least the Kings scored two 5 on 5 goals! The difference must have been Kevin Westgarth and his 4 shifts for a total of 2 min and 10 seconds. But I understand why Coach Murray made the move to bring his enforcer into the lineup. When the Penguins are in town… all sorts of weirdos from Pittsburgh show up.

You might think I’m talking about the dude in the Steelers jacket…
… but it’s actually the hipster in the wool cap and sunglasses behind him.

This guy is no weirdo… he’s a Pittsburgh sports legend.  

That’s right, MalkaMania71 was in the crowd at Staples Center Saturday night.

And I have no idea what is going on here…

If anyone knows who this awesome nun in a 90′s era Penguins jersey is…
please email me immediately.

And finally, this guy was the strangest looking Pittsburgher of them all. 

Man… how 80s does that look?
Of course, I’m talking about the woman over Dan Bylsma’s shoulder.

Unfortunately, the faces of the large amount of Pittsburgh Penguins fans in attendance at the game in Los Angeles were not the most damaged ones we saw all night.

“I need you guys to keep Pierre McGuire away from me.
Seriously…he just went Cape Fear on my face.” 

This is a puck flying directly into 56 million dollar defenseman Drew Doughty’s eye.

And these are the two screws flying off his helmet after the puck hit it.
Drew Doughty should have really been wearing Chris Pronger on his face. These guys are too macho.

This face is the most damaged of all.
Or rather it will be in 2 weeks when he’s fired

Thankfully, there was one key part of the Los Angeles Kings offense that was firing on all cylinders tonight… Jim Fox’s Telestrator. 

Whether Jim Fox was focusing on Kris Letang’s hypnotic eyes

…or pointing out the 3 available Penguins players Richard Park could have passed to
instead of coughing up the puck to Matt Greene which led to Anze Kopitar’s beautiful goal.

Sometimes… I think behind that big smile… Jim Fox is just fucking with us.

Sure, the Kings played their best game of the past week. And they only get a point out of it. But the Kings are now 6-4-3 and slowly becoming a .500 team. I know, it’s early November… but I’d like to remind you that every team in the Pacific Division has a legitimate shot at the playoffs… and every point… ESPECIALLY points against Eastern Conference teams… count. And not to mention that the more the Kings struggle… the more Jon Quick is going to play instead of Jon Bernier. And eventually, the Kings recent strategy of “Don’t Worry, We Don’t Have to Play to Our Potential, Because Jon Quick Will Bail Us Out” is gonna catch up to them. And that is going to make Jon Quick even angrier than he was after he shattered his stick once he gave up the winning goal in the shootout.

I’m taking my broken stick and going home.

Of course, no one is really talking about the 245 pound elephant in the room.

“Please, please, please… just skate by and don’t talk to me… whew!”

Dustin Penner is having one of the most epic fails by a Kings player acquired for the sole purpose of scoring goals ever… and I’ve lived through Cliff Ronning, Anson Carter, Mark Parrish and Jeremy Roenick. Penner skated 13 minutes tonight, 20 shifts of nothingness. But I don’t expect Penner to perform any miracles when he’s lining up with Jarret Stoll and Ethan Moreau on the 3rd line. It’s getting ugly out there with Penner, and with a team struggling to score goals with 6 former 30 goal scorers in its lineup… you have to wonder when Penner is going to get a healthy scratch. I mean… it’s happened before… and that totally worked out fine, right?

In Soviet Russia… lazy, underachieving wingers are #1 export.

It’s really starting to get ridiculous now how I can’t give away a free t-shirt.

4 games this week… San Jose, Nashville, Vancouver and Minnesota. Fuck. 

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.