TRH RECAP 11: KING KONG

LA Kings Phoenix Coyotes Recap

KINGS 7, COYOTES 4

 

 ”Ah, if I were not a king, I should lose my temper”

- Louis XIV

In a game where Dwight King played like he truly wants to remain a King, it took his three goals plus another four to dispatch the Phoenix Coyotes.

That’s right: This will forever be remembered as the DWIGHT KING HAT TRICK GAME, or the day pigs flew in hell above a vast expanse of perfectly frozen snowballs.

KingGoalFace

No longer content to lurk in the shadows, Dwight King had the signature regular season game of his career. Even the final score, 7-4, added a touch of meta to the evening’s theme. Even more improbable, perhaps, was the explosive reaction on Twitter. Yes, Dwight King was the No. 1 trending topic worldwideImagine if you hadn’t seen the game yet, but opened up Twitter in a browser window to find this:

DKTrending

First of all, how the hell did we get here?

The big story heading into this game was the big fat goose egg boasted by all four LA Kings centers in the goal column.

Much whining was had by all:

Thankfully, Anze Kopitar was dialed in right away thanks to some off-hours practice:

After Kopi scored his early goal, I allowed myself a modicum of relaxation. 42 seconds into the game and Anze breaks out of his slump? Sounds like it’s time for two fingers of scotch and my shoes to be kicked off! This had to be a great omen for the rest of the game.

When Dwight King scored a few minutes later, I saluted the TV screen with my rocks glass and faintly lifted an eyebrow in acknowledgement of the big man getting on the board. “Some left wing scoring,” I remember mumbling aloud. Unfortunately, my girlfriend was also apparently downstairs and approached me with concern about who I was talking to. “Dwight King, honey” was apparently not an acceptable answer.

By the time my Dominos pizza arrived, the score was 4-0, I was in my bathrobe, and it was three sheets to the wind in the Tufficult household. FINALLY, the floodgates had opened! Jordan Nolan and “DaWight” King had taken over the first period like it was the summer of 2012 all over again, and I was feeling good. REAL good. “Let your guard down” good.

The next 23 minutes of hockey, then, were like a PTSD-induced night terror featuring Faustian hellbeasts from my past like Jeff Halpern. I realize, rationally, that what I say or do has zero bearing on what happens on the ice. Yet, in troubling moments like the Coyotes’ quick pushback to tie the score, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve poked the bear too many times at Martin Hanzal’s expense. Horror gripped my being, and a bead of sweat formed on my brow as I remembered my sing-song playground-style taunts from 2012. The chorus of “Hanzal / Pants full / Prob’ly owns some mandals” would never escape my lips again, I fervently prayed.

Alas, the score tied up tighter than Mike Smith’s balloon knot any time a forward so much as rustles his jersey sleeve in the crease. At this point, it was time to ditch my pride and load up on the superstition buffet. The Richards jersey went on, along with my prized game-worn Kyle Clifford protective cup that I scored from Bailey’s Pawn Shop.

In a feat of cosmic justice (okay, the credit probably goes to Mike Richards’ unbelievable hockey IQ), No. 10 poked a puck at the blue line and skated in alone on Greiss, fooling him badly and tucking home the short-hander. Despite this giving the Kings only a one-goal lead, it was evident that Rick’s tally was the dagger in the match. Doan started making nuclear-level Doan Face, Klesla’s lower body exploded, and Dave Tippett facial expressions were reminiscent of someone battling Civil War-grade dysentery.

So, the Kings walked away with two points from a critical divisional matchup, but that wasn’t even close to the main talking point after this beauty of a rollercoaster rink rally. No, that honor belongs to…

Phoenix Coyotes v Los Angeles Kings

 

Dwight King now has a hat trick in his NHL career.

Hope you watched this one live, superfans… we’ll be talking about this anomaly for quite some time. Dwight King: behold the pale, nostriled horse – the man who checks him is death – and a Cup follows with him.

LA Kings record: 7-4-0 (what else would it be?)

Game #11 Tufficult Index:

Not Tufficult // Somewhat Tufficult // Very Tufficult // TUFFIC(#*)WDV)SD{SY

As a child, King Tufficult liked to hang out at Iceoplex to watch his dad's summer skating group that included many gloriously mulleted individuals. Some of the people attached to those mullets played for the early 90's LA Kings. It was destiny. Since then, King Tufficult has enjoyed such hobbies as: watching his lifelong favorite sports team achieve their first championship in history, being unable to pee at Staples Center if too many people are waiting for his urinal, and "contributing" to The Royal Half.If you're a glutton for punishment, you can follow King Tufficult on Twitter @KingTufficult.