TRH Gameday 76 – Vancouver Canucks: Downton Ab-y

Game #76

LA KINGS
37-26-12
86 pts, 8th in Western Conference
vs
VANCOUVER CANUCKS
45-21-9
99 pts, 2nd in Western Conference

Kings lead Season Series 2-1

7:00pm, Rogers Arena
Vancouver, BC
NBC SN
FSW 

BEST KINGS PLAYER FROM THE LAST TIME THEY WON A DIVISION
WHO LATER SMASHED A CANUCK IN THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG THAT I’VE ATTENDED A PLAYOFF GAME WITH IN PERSON:
Benched Whale

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Canucks Army
Nucks Misconduct
Pucked in the Head
Pass It to Bulis

ARE THE LA KINGS IN THE PLAYOFFS?
YES!

Last week we debuted our newest column from Brigitte over at One Girl, One Puck where she previewed the LA Kings matchup against the San Jose Sharks. And I have to say… it was very well-received!

Obnoxious is just another word for good, right?

So since I was totally unprepared for a Monday night game… I’ve included Brigitte’s latest “Know Your Opponent” into today’s Gameday Thread. God help us all.

Click Here to Check Out “Know Your Opponent” for the Kings vs Canucks Game on Monday, March 26!!!

Canuck is Canadian for Slut

Yes I’m back people! Last week I talked about how hideous the San Jose Sharks were, and how it was clearly the answer to why they were so bad. I guess I was right, since the Kings thoroughly demolished them. You’re welcome Kings. This week will be a little different, because well the Canucks are super sexy. I can’t take the low road and discuss facial mutations, so I have to really dig deep on this one. Let me first start off by saying I don’t hate the Canucks. I know, I know, blasphemy! I just can’t hate them like I used to, I’ve gone soft. Sue me. I’ve actually been having a very twisted love affair with them this season, I’m seeking psychiatric help don’t worry. During my ongoing psychosis however I have learned quite a bit about the Vancouver Canucks. I’ve discovered Kevin Bieksa is fucking hilarious, and Ryan Kesler is a huge creeper. I’ve also discovered they have an insane amount of ginger’s on their team, seriously it’s weird. The one thing that really stands out to me though is that they are huge sluts! Seriously these guys don’t turn down an opportunity to show off the goods. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way complaining about this, I’ve quite enjoyed it actually. It could however be an issue for the Kings because the Canucks really make it a point to let people know how ridiculously good looking they are. It can be quite distracting.

 

I’ve seen this photo so many times, and I still can’t tell you what Chris Higgins face looks like.

 

Oh that’s Chris Higgins? Well then, excuse me I think I need a minute.

Come on Chris… we get it. Your abs are flawless stop making everyone else feel bad.

Jeez he just can’t stop can he? This has to on purpose right? I wonder if his teammates are getting jealous.

“Jealous of Higgins? Yea right! I’m Ryan Fucking Kesler!”

“Chris can’t fill out a skirt like I can. Just look at this hot American ass!”

“Hey Chris! Check this shit out! Aww Yea!!”

“How you like me now? Photoshopped… my ass!”

OK boys this is getting ridiculous, settle down alright? Can’t you just agree you’re both fabulous?

I guess we know which Sedin takes the bottom bunk now.

Cory Scheider can really juggle those balls, eh?

You see what I mean? These guys are super slutty! They just have to out-whore each other every chance they get. They’re even corrupting poor innocent and pure David Booth.

“When I got here I was still half a virgin. I gave this team everything!”

While all this naked action might be distracting to the other team, It may actually work in the Kings favor. How? Well these guys are not only super into themselves, they’re super into each other. They just can’t keep their hands off one another. Can you really blame them?

“Kevin! Let me love you!”


Shane O’Brien may be gone, but a love like this lasts a lifetime.

“Me and Daniel are going to pass you around like a puck on the power play.”

“Come on Zack you know you wanna see my abs again.”

“No means no Ryan!”

“Hey Jannik you wanna play hide the hockey stick?”

Even the medical staff is getting a little “hands on”. Come on guy Daniel just got a concussion, he doesn’t need to be molested too.

“I’ll never let go Kevin, I’ll never let go.”

Love can be a wonderful and amazing thing, but it can also be very distracting. Between these guys checking out themselves and the occasional game of grab ass the Canucks aren’t going to be super focused. If the Kings can catch these guys mid-coitus they could be very successful. Just make sure you guys don’t get caught up in their love scrum, or you might end up like this.

Patrick Sharp learned his lesson the hard way.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.