STADIUM SERIES CORRESPONDENT: STEFON ON SPECTOR

On Friday night, The Royal Half joined up with Puck Daddy, LA Kings Insider, The Mayor, and Jen Neale for a meet-up at Big Wangs in downtown LA.

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The event was a huge success…and by huge success, I mean Kings fans, bloggers, and tweeters all came out of our mother’s basements to sit at tables at a bar and sit in awkward silence as we tweeted and blogged while drinking beer.

But one man was beyond offended at the lack of an official “invitation” to a completely public event: Mark Spector.  Yes, that’s right, the second worst Spector in the world** was in our great city and was totally bummed that he didn’t get a chance to dine on some boneless wings and hang with all of us and feel superior in every way.

I mean, I understand why Mark felt slighted. Spector’s only blogger pal, Greg Wyshynski, really did a poor job of promoting the event on Twitter to his 99,000+ followers.

Maybe Mark Spector was hoping for something engraved?

But luckily for Mark, there’s still three outdoor games left, which means there’s probably some hockey hotspots to hit the night before each of these games.  So to give him some tips on where to go is new Team TRH correspondent, Stefon.

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Stefon: Hiiiiiiii!

TRH:  Are you enjoying the Stadium Series games so far, Stefon?

Stefon:  Yes, they’re great.  But I agree with Marty Brodeur.  The ice is so bad I haven’t seen pucks with that much unpredictability since the 3rd season of “The Real World.”

TRH:  With the Rangers/Islanders game coming up on Wednesday in New York, where should Mark Spector go for a blogger meet up?

Stefon:  I know the perfect spot.  New York’s hottest Stadium Series blogger meet up is at a place called “Big Charles Wangs.”  Run by legendary player and purveyor of STD’s, Chico Rash, this club can be found in an abandoned arena called “Nassau Coliseum” and will feature the awful song choices of DJ The Mike Milbury Dough Boy.  If you’re worried about tomorrow, fear not, because this party’s giving out 12-year contracts to anyone with a set of bad knees.  This place has EVERYTHING: A picture of Mark Messier with Webster, Sean Avery’s sloppy seconds, a bad voiceover performance from that guy from Entourage, Theo Fleury’s sobriety chip collection, and new teammates, Rick Wee-Pietro and Pat LaFon-tiny…

TRH:  I’m afraid to ask, but what are Rick Wee-Pietro and Pat LaFon-tiny?

Stefon:  It’s that thing of when there are midgets who are so frail, you have to keep them in bubble wrap.

TRH: I’m not sure if that’s what Mark’s looking for.  Maybe there’s something more appropriate for him in Chicago before the Blackhawks/Penguins game?

Stefon:  OHHH, yesssss!  I have the perfect place for Mark. Located on a piece of ice floating down the Chicago River is the Windy City’s favorite new club, “Hakuna Mah-Raanta.” Catch a ride in a cab and don’t worry about paying for it because Patrick Kane’s got you covered.  For Blackhawks and Penguins fans, this place has everything and more:  Chelsea Dagger stabbing Chelsea Handler, Jaromir Jagr’s mullet drying Jeremy Roenick’s tears, Hawk Harrelson yelling at a penguin exhibit, and a Marc-Andre Fleury goalie clinic!  But before you leave for the night, make sure you get a peek at the infamous Sky Malkin.

TRH:  Oh, I see.  That’s Evgeni Malkin in a Michael Jordan jersey.

Stefon:  No, don’t be ridiculous.  It’s when Evgeni Malkin gets drunk and orders blow-up furniture from a December 2013 issue of “Sky Mall.”

TRH:  I’m not sure Mark Spector would go there if he was invited.  Stefon, there’s one more outdoor game – the Heritage Classic between the Canucks and the Senators.  What do you recommend for a shut-in journalist who hates people, but loves being social?

Stefon:  If you’re looking to go completely insane, you can go to the hottest club in Vancouver since the summer of 2011: “TEAR GAS!!”  Huge crowds, lots of smoke, and tons of police in military gear, this leftover portion of the Stanley Cup Riots is still burning hot, but only because of that 1989 Chevy Lumina that’s been flipped on Granville Street.  When it comes to civil dis-obedience, this place has everything you want:  John Tortorella storming a locker room, Roberto Luongo’s verified twitter account, a picture of Mark Messier with Warwick Davis, and a surprise appearance by Henrik and Daniel Sedin’s brother:  Cooper Manning.  And look over there – what’s that in the corner?  It’s the Stanley Cup!

TRH:  The Stanley Cup?  That seems a bit cruel to both Ottawa and Vancouver fans, isn’t it?

Stefon:  No, it’s actually a jock strap I stole from former Canuck Daryl Stanley and had bronzed for the winner of the Heritage Classic.

TRH:  See, Mark, there’s plenty for you to check out.  Just feel free to stop by and say hi!

(**Phil Spector is hanging onto the title of “Worst Spector In The World” by a thread)

Brian was born and raised in New Jersey, where the first things he was taught to say were his exit number, the lyrics to “Born To Run and “Rangers Suck!” After moving to LA 15 years ago and due to the time difference… he has spent far more time watching and following the LA Kings than the New Jersey Devils. On quiet nights, Brian pulls out his 1995, 2000 and 2003 Stanley Cup VHS tapes and smiles awkwardly You can follow Jersey Brian on Twitter @brianmccarthy1.
  • Kyle Schroeck

    Wow. I am a Pensblog reader. They linked you guys today. I thoroughly enjoyed this post. I am crying on my keyboard from the Sky Malkin and the Stanley Cup. Great Read.