PLAYOFF PREVIEW PARTY – KNOW YOUR 2ND ROUND OPPONENT: SAN JOSE SHARKS

*THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF,
BUT RATHER OUR RESIDENT CREEPER AND OPPONENT-PREVIEWERONE GIRL, ONE PUCK*

 

Let's do this one more time shall we? So much has already been said about the Sharks, but there is something that has always been kind of creepy about them. I'm not talking creepy, like me creeping on the Red Wings in Anaheim, I'm talking sinister. I've long held firm to my belief that the Sharks are somehow doing some weird genetic experiments with their players.  Apparently those experiments create some ugly results. Lately though I've had to call some of my theories into question. For example, I have always believed that Jason Demers was some sort of mutant offspring of Ryane Clowe and Logan Couture.
 

Ah the good old days of Know Your Opponent
 
Of course this has been called into question lately because of the new nickname that Logan Couture and TJ Galiardi have given to Jason Demers. 
 

 
No Jason, we will not just leave it at that! 
Meg over at Battle of California was as determined as I am to figure out the truth! 
 

 
I'm not gonna lie, I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about, so I googled it. 
 
Yea I'm pretty sure Meg just got trolled. 
 

So why the big cover up? What's going on? Well if my initial theory about genetic experiments is true, what if Jason Demers really is their dad? So I took my creeping skills to the max and what I discovered will blow your fucking mind! 
 

 
MOTHER OF GOD
 
I KNEW IT! This totally real and awkward family photo proves it! This explains why the Sharks would make that totally stupid Jamie McGinn trade! Jason needed all his babies on the same team so he could take care of them! This of course wasn't the only thing I discovered doing my research. Pre-warning: The photos you're about to view may be disturbing to Sharks fans. 
 

 
I think we know who they've been breeding Jason Demers with. 
 

 
Oh God Why? 
How many more Sharkie babies are out there? 
 
 
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 
WHAT DID SHARKIE DO TO YOU DON? 
 

 
BACK THE FUCK AWAY FROM WAYNE! 
 
Clearly SJ Sharkie is a twisted mother fucker. Anyone who can get Don Cherry to give a thumbs up to America is a master manipulator. Have I had it wrong all along? Is it really SJ Sharkie that is leading all the sinister shit around the Sharks? There is one more person who could be behind this though, someone so evil and disgusting that he must be behind the San Jose Sharks whole master plan. 
 

 
Nope. 
 

 
Oh God…
No, but closer. 
 

 
Almost there….
 

 
That's the guy! 
 
It's always been Joe Thornton! How could I have been so naive! I should have known when I investigated his stupid little puppet last year! I mean how could anyone else be behind all this twisted shit! Just look at this asshole! 
 


 
Affliction shirt. 
Enough said. 
 
I knew this asshole was up to no good. He's probably the butt nugget that made these too!
 

 
Ok this last one is probably made by the local LA TV stations.
 
Seriously though guys, can we please beat these assholes finally! I'm so sick of them. I want the Kings to literally fucking obliterate these mother fuckers this time. No more horse shit! 
 

 
Maybe this time their head coach will skip the handshake line
 
 
 
 

 OneGirl, One Puck is a Hockey Lover, Pseudo Blogger and Girl Equal Opportunity Creeper. In addition to her regular "Know Your Opponent" series at The Royal Half, you can read more of her ramblings at her blog. You can also follow her on Twitter... but be warned. 

 

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.