KNOW YOUR OPPONENT: NASHVILLE PREDATORS 1.31.13

The thing is… I've never really had an issue with the Nashville Predators. In fact, until the Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup last season I was kind of jealous of the Predators and their ability to make the playoffs 6 out of the last 7 years. Thankfully, we have Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck. With her unique weekly feature here at The Royal Half, "Know Your Opponent"… she is actually able to work through a lot of the pent-up anger she has towards the NHL's Smashville franchise. 

I mean seriously… how can you hate the Predators?

Oh… ok. I guess they do kinda suck.

Click Here to Read the Know Your Opponent for the Kings vs Predators on January 31st, 2013!!!

Well, the Kings haven't exactly had the best record when I do my Know Your Opponent posts this year (TRH EDITORS NOTE: 0-2) but I've waited a loooooong time to write this bad boy. I was planning on writing one for the playoffs, but Mike Smith pulled a rabbit out of his butt hole. Full Disclaimer: I HATE THE PREDATORS! I know hating a team that is pretty much irrelevant seems impossible, but I've accomplished it. There's just something about this team that makes me want to dropkick a baby off a cliff. Actually, I know exactly why I hate this stupid team! Brace yourselves people, this will not be gentle!


The Predators Jerseys Make Me Physically Sick
 

Pictured Above: Shea Weber about to vomit on Patrik Elias because
he saw a reflection of that ugly fucking jersey in Patrik's visor.

What the fuck is that thing? It's SO FUCKING YELLOW! It physically pains me to watch their games on TV. I've actually never seen their jersey in person (mainly because no one is a Nashville Predators fan and no one in LA would be caught dead in that fucking hideous thing), so I can't speak to what degree of physical illness I get from seeing that jersey in person. Thursday night will mark the first time I will ever be happy that the NHL switched from the home white jerseys. This jersey should not have come as a surprise to anyone, as the Nashville franchise has a history of barfing up their moonshine and choosing the color of that barf as their new jersey.
 

That snot yellow really was the perfect color to represent this franchise.

Just look at that thing. This somehow was allowed to happen. It shouldn't surprise anyone that the organization that brought you the brilliant slogan "Hockey Tonkin'" provided this glorious gem of a jersey. What a mess.

The "Fans"

I put fans in quotations because I'm not convinced that they are real. They don't really do anything but regurgitate shit that is blared at them from the in-arena people (I will discuss this further later). Plus, I mean when has anyone from the south been into hockey? (I'm looking at you Atlanta! You had two fucking teams, and both are in Canada now!)
 

The Nashville Predators are actually a fanatical religious cult. It all makes sense now.

Looking good, Brad!
Nothing screams intelligent fan base like a grown ass man in "Predator Face" makeup.
 

"Nashville Loves The Predators".
Wow. I think the white haired guy thought this was a different kind of Predator rally.

The accurate term is "Fucking Asshole Shit Licker!" Stupid southerners.

Your Nashville Predators Are….Going….ON….THE….POWERPLAY!!!!!!!

OMG IT'S SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!! STOP JUST YELLING SHIT FOR NO REASON! WE DON'T NEED A FUCKING CHANT FOR EVERYTHING!



WHAT THE FUCK??????? IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! TIM MCGRAW IS ACTUALLY ON THE FUCKING JUMBOTRON? OH THIS IS JUST UNACCEPTABLE! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE "YOU SUCK"? YOU JUST SCORED OMG STOP IT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY EVEN SAYING AFTER THAT? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Carrie Underwood

The feeling is mutual Carrie.

Who the fuck cares that Carrie Underwood is at the games? I don't care and I guarantee no one else cares either. It would be news if she wasn't at her husband's hockey game. Look, I'm not saying she isn't hot (she definitely is), but I just don't want to see her every fucking time there's a break in the game! I'm surprised there isn't an iso-cam on her the whole game. I know NBC has those stupid star cams, why not just have one on Carrie the whole time? It's not like Mike Underwood Fisher would ever be on one anyway.

Shea Weber

Is this for real? Yea he's in, only after totally fucking over his team
by signing a giant offer sheet to get out of town.
P.S. Preds "fans" all that season ticket money goes right into Mr. Moneybags fat wallet.

That child is terrified.
Don't worry, Scrooge McDuck can't hurt you, he's just an asshole.
No point to this picture, I just thought you would enjoy the fact that you
no longer have to watch Jack Johnson get schooled by guys like Shea Weber anymore.
Never Forget.

OK you know what….Shea Weber is great guy and I have nothing bad to say about him ever….
Is he still there? Send help please!
 

Barry Trotz

He has no neck! Where did it go? Someone needs to find out what happened!
It's just not there! This is one of the great mysteries of our time.

 

Roman Josi

"BRIGITTE WHY ISN'T ROMAN JOSI ON YOUR COSMO LIST?" "HAVEN'T YOU SEEN HIM?" "ROMAN JOSI IS SO HOT, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

I swear if someone tweets me another fucking thing about Roman Josi I WILL LOSE MY SHIT! Yes, I have seen him! Calm your tits! I get more fangirl/boy comments about Roman Josi than any other player. WHY? STOP IT! I'm sorry I like Colin Wilson's blonde locks better! Just leave me alone!

Craig Smith

Craig Smith isn't really that unlikable, but I just like to make fun of him for this debacle. 


 

What a chump. You know you're a joke when the Toronto Maple Leafs announcers laugh at you. Plus he allowed someone to take this picture…

What a babe.

Colin Wilson

I obviously don't hate Colin Wilson. I actually hate myself for liking him. Damn you lady hormones that make me find guys on teams I hate attractive! 

What a nerd. Despite that he's incredibly adorable, or maybe because of it.
I hate myself.

So. Much. Blonde. Can't. Control. Myself.

OH SHIT HE SEES ME! RUN!

 I won't go creep on him during him warmups…I swear.

Oh my….

Oh who am I kidding, I'm gonna creep so hard on this guy! Sorry folks, I'm too weak to resist! I still hate the Preds though. The Kings better murder them! Except for Colin Wilson, if you touch one hair on his head I'll punch you guys right in the beanbags! See you guys on Thursday!

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.