KNOW YOUR OPPONENT: THE BUFFALO SABRES

After a month-long hiatus, my long awaited return is finally here! I know you’re all very excited, and what better way to mark my return than by welcoming the biggest shit pile team in the league, the Buffalo Sabres.

The Sabres have always been a joke, usually it’s about cap hits and Brett Hull, but now they’re a special kind of joke. The kind of joke that makes you laugh uncontrollably when they win a game, that they actually lost, against the Sharks. You almost feel and for them, and then you remember who is actually on this team.

 

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A guy that is so stupid, that he decided to leap into the head
of one of the most liked players in the NHL.

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This guy and his shitty tattoos.

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This guy and his pet bird, who he probably stole from a small blind child.

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This guy, who used to be Team USA’s goalie or some shit and nows he a giant cry baby,
and his incredibly accurate quote to the media.

And of course….

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This fucking idiot….

What? They waived him?

What are the guys at Days of Y’Orr going to do now?

     Man I miss the old days of the Sabres….

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Ah the good old days of hangovers and fake ass banging.

Now, I know this looks bleak and embarrassing, but remember Sabres fans are normal people too, with feelings.  At least that’s what I thought until I started to look for them on the internet.

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This poor girl is obviously blind, prayer circle for her.

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This Sabres fan is obviously suffering from a severe concussion
from banging his head against Kaleta’s elbow, how sad.

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Then there’s this poor dear, who took the time to create a lovely dedication to their owner and post it on the internet so I could ridicule just how mind numbingly stupid they are.

You are a true hero.

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Best. Owner. Ever.

Of course, every team has their shit hole players, some more than others. There’s also a lot of guys who are just caught in the cross hairs of this dumpster fire.

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“Are you there God? It’s me, Cody.
I swear I’ll never complain about ice time again if you just get me out of this god forsaken place!”

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As Christian sat there, pondering his life, he wondered where it all started to go wrong.

“How did this happen?” he thought.

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“Oh yes, now I remember. LOLOL yea it’s not that bad.”

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Shown Above: Matt Moulson enjoying his last dinner before being sentenced to death  Buffalo.

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You’re alright, Jhonas, you’re alright.

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“I’m just too sexy to wither away here in Buffalo! Take my brother instead!”

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OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED?

There is no way they’re actually related.

How does that even happen?

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My god, it must have been hard growing up knowing
your younger brother was way hotter than you.

I mean, blind people can see that shit.

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I’ve never been more jealous of an old lady before.

GO FOR THE BUTT, GRANDMA!!

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THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE MA’AM!

See, I guess the Sabres really aren’t that bad of guys. Sure, they suck more than the Flames, and employ 90% of the players on Brendan Shanahan’s speed dial, but they’re really nice guys deep down.

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Ah yes, missed you Steve Ott.

Glad to see you’re the captain now HHAHAHAHAHAJASJSHDGSYWKHAHA

I’M SORRY WHAT A JOKE FRANCHISE, EAT SHIT.

But, I guess it’s not like they ever did anything bad to us….

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FUCK YOU, BUFFALO. FUCK YOU.

One Girl One Puck is The Royal Half’s resident creeper. Her amazing posts, “Know Your Opponent“, have become a fan “favorite”. If any hockey player did anything stupid at any point of their life, and if someone was kind enough to take a picture, there’s a 100% chance she will put it in a post. She has been a Kings fan for over 15 years, even through the years when Jere Karalahti played “defense”.One Girl One Puck is also the co-founder of the hugely popular Tumblr page "Drew Doughty in Blue Jays Hats." It's exactly what you think it is. If you enjoy pointless posts about hockey players butts, she’s your girl!You can follow One Girl, One Puck on Twitter @OneGirlOnePuck.