FREEWAY FARCE: WEEK 9

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WEEK 9 (Nov 25-Dec 1)

Los Angeles Kings (16-7-4)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the LA Kings:

gizmo

Okay LA Kings, things are going great. Whatever you do, DON’T HAVE A HUGE LETDOWN AGAINST THE CALGARY FLAMES!

gizmo 2

DAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kings Bloggers React to a Last-second Loss to the Flames:

angry-dome

ScrivensFall2

Man, Kings bloggers are some overwrought, melodramatic assholes.

BLOGGER MAYOR BEEF:

 

 

For the record, both of those nicknames are really, really, really stupid. Really.

 

For some reason, this topic brought the Mayor-haters out of the shadows.

 

This is officially the dumbest argument ever.

In 2012

 

*obligatory “that escalated quickly” clip from Anchorman*

 

Let’s remember that this all started with a mascot tweeting a photo, in reference to a player’s nickname. All three of you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. I mean, is it really that big of a deal if somebody posts a harmless photo … like say … this:

Mayor McCheese - McDonald's

Scrivens Family Power Rankings:

 Last week, we showed you why Kings fans are thankful for both Ben Scrivens and his wife Jenny. There was some debate though, as to who was a more valuable asset to the team’s public perception. By all appearances, it was a 1A/1B type situation. That changed this week.

With that one photo, Jenny Scrivens jumped out to an insurmountable lead. Eventually, Ben would eventually seal his own fate with his poorly timed breakdancing exhibition, but his wife did not do him any favors along the way.

scrivens stare

A rough week all around for Ben, although Kings fans still love him just as much as ever, contrasted against a flawless performance from Jenny. It was over before it started. Here’s where we stand:

1. Jenny Scrivens

2. Ben Scrivens

3. Paul Scrivens 

paul scrivens

According to that Business Week cover story, and this article, he’s doing pretty well. Seems legit to me.

 

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (18-7-4)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim:

stairs

And here we go, on our way to a win over the Dallas Stars, on national TV … and now we have reached the third period … and OH GOD NO!

The Worst of the Worst from @ducksfanzone:

On Tuesday night, the Ducks had a total meltdown during their game in Dallas, leading to their toughest loss of the season, to date. Let’s look back at how Ducks Fan Zone handled it, starting in true DFZ fashion: 

And away we go … 

Laying the groundwork for excuses after the game. Smart.

Emerson Etem gets the Ducks out to a 1-0 lead, early in the first period … and is promptly sent back to the AHL the following day.

Man, how DFZ was that right there?

I won’t even try to guess what that was about.

Hiller is locked in tonight.

I agree. It is a good sign when your defenseman tries to clear the puck out of the crease.

DFZ does not agree with a penalty called against the Ducks … Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhocking.

Ducks up 2-0.

DFZ feels that the refs missed a call against the Dallas … Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *deep breath in* hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhocking.

Dallas scores. 2-1

This is confusing, but I think DFZ feels that the broadcasters are somehow slighting the Ducks. Shhhhhhhhhh- screw it, you get the idea.

teemu-selanne1

 

I agree. I’m so tired of the national media always being so pro-Dallas Stars.

If you were betting the over/under on when DFZ gets offensive, second intermission is the winner. Anyway, here we go with the third period. Ducks up 2-1 on the Stars.

Dallas scores, 5:25 into the period. 2-2

Dallas scores, 0:25 later. 3-2

Dallas scores it’s third goal in less than one minute. 4-2. Also, DFZ’s opinion of those young Ducks defenseman may be turning.

DFZ being DFZ, yo.

Dallas scores again. 5-2

I guess that does it for another edition of Worst of the Wor-

I guess we’re back. Dustin Penner scores (of course) to pull the Ducks within two goals. 5-3

Dallas scores again. Game over. 6-3

Truth. I will spare you the DFZ post-game tweets. Mainly because the were OVER FIFTY OF THEM. I will only share my personal favorite DFZ standard. It’s like when Sinatra would do “The Lady is a Tramp.” I give you “Ducks Fan Zone, not understanding statistical rankings”:

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Dustin Penner’s Cultural Commentary of the Week:

On Thanksgiving night, twitter was all abuzz over an amazing story, involving a woman who is an amalgamation of every horrible person you have ever sat next to on a plane. But just a couple days later, skepticism had set in, and Dustin Penner was all over it:

It is important to note that this tweet from Dustin Penner came about five hours before the Ducks’ game against the San Jose Sharks. While most players are preparing for the game by taking a nap or relaxing with their family, Dustin Penner is researching flights so he can poke holes in an internet story. Whatever works for you, big guy.

 

SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE WEEK?

First Round, Holiday Spirit:

It’s officially the Christmas holiday (sorry TRH) season. Let’s see how each of our teams are capitalizing.

Kings:

LA Live will be lighting their holiday tree, across the street from STAPLES Center, on Monday night. Let’s see who will be in attendance:

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The president of the Kings business operations, the girlfriend of a Kings player, and the Kings national anthem singer. How in the world did AEG pull off those bookings?

Ducks:

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Let me get this right. You are encouraging people to buy tickets to Ducks games by also including things that would come in handy if you were trying to sleep through a red-eye flight. Nope, can’t think of any jokes about that. 

Winner: Jewish Kings fans

 

Second Round, War of Words:

Kings:

Anze Kopitar, via LA Kings Insider:

 On whether the team is guilty of playing to the level of competition:
Yeah, you can call it that way. It’s something that we obviously don’t want to do, but maybe it creeps in a little bit. We’ve got to make sure that doesn’t happen often.

Is it worse that Kopitar confirmed a fact which most fans already feared to be true, or that he feels comfortable enough with the fact to say it.

Ducks:

Bruce Boudreau, via the LA Times:

“When you’re a happy hockey player, you do things better than when you’re not a happy hockey player,” Ducks Coach Bruce Boudreau said of Penner.

So Dustin Penner wasn’t happy in LA?

Winner: San Jose Sharks

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Third Round, Video Highlight of the Week:

Kings:

Justin Williams’ 200th goal, and Anze Kopitar’s 500th point, on the same play. Man, you could probably put any LW on a line with those two, and he would rack up some amazing numbers … oh, this is awkward … 

Los Angeles Kings Practice

Ducks:

How embarrassing.

Winner: Ben Scrivens. After that gaff from Hiller, nobody will remember his screw up.

ScrivensFall2

Oh, dammit.

 

WINNER OF THE WEEK: In honor of the Pacific division’s dominance, here are a couple songs about the geographic region, from bands featuring Jason Schwartzman.

A rambling man, Hrudey can't be tied to any one team. But because he's too cheap for NHL Gamecenter, his NHL universe consists only of Ducks and Kings broadcasts. What he lacks in knowledge of the actual sport of hockey, he makes up for in snark and pop culture references. You can follow Hrudey Can't Fail on Twitter @HrudeyCantFail.