CAR CRASH

As PumperNicholl said to me after we heard the news that Daniel Carcillo had been traded to the Los Angeles Kings for a Conditional 5th Round Draft Pick in 2015…

So, since Daniel Carcillo wasn’t good enough to play in any of the Western Conference Final games against the LA Kings (and really only good enough to play in 4 of the Chicago Blackhawks’ 23 post-season games)… I decided to go straight to the source to find out the real deal in regards to the LA Kings new #1 Left Winger. (FYI, I’m not kidding.)

Honestly… I had no idea Rush was still alive.

Via Forklift at HockeeNight...

I didn’t like Dan Carcillo the day the Hawks signed him. This being despite the fact that he made a significant contribution to the Hawks winning the Stanley Cup in 2010 by wiping Jeff Carter out during the Final, by missing a hit on the oh-so-stealthy Tomas Kopecky.

So when the Hawks signed him (and he was already serving a suspension), we knew we weren’t exactly getting Bobby Hull. And of course, he wound up tearing his knee and knocking himself out for the last quarter of the 2012 season while laying a cheap shot that got him suspended. Then Stan Bowman signed him for another year. Fuck me.

So last season at some point, Slak tweeted something about “Gorilla Saad” referring to Brandon Saad… somebody who differs from Carcillo in actually having the whole “how to play hockey” thing figured out. I countered that Gorilla Salad would be more fitting a nickname for Carcillo.

And that is all it took. The nickname spread faster than itchy crotches in a convention of Paris Hilton’s exes, and it reached critical mass when he scored one of his two goals in the 2013 season, banging a rebound into an open net to win a game to keep the Hawks’ points streak alive.

Since then, it’s seen widespread use throughout the Blackhawks’ blogosphere, it hit the NBC Sports Network, XM Radio, and has been used by other teams’ bloggers as well. In fact, I think one of the things other teams’ bloggers enjoyed is that this nickname came from the inside, as it were.

Now it’s yours. Stanley Cup winner Gorilla Salad, newest LA King. Get ready for hearing about how he plays “with an edge” and is a “great teammate”. What you got is a shitty version of Raffi Torres.

Good luck with that.

And from Andrew Cieslak himself, the inventor of Daniel Carcillo’s Gorilla Salad nickname, and frequent contributor to The Royal Half…

Dan Carcillo’s tenure in Chicago will be remembered for a few things. First, confusion as to why Stan Bowman, a very competent general manager, would pay him US dollars. Second, why Joel Quenneville, a fairly competent NHL head coach, would insert him into any lineup. And third… the sheer terror of knowing that when he played the odds of someone being maimed on the ice because of his recklessness would skyrocket. 

Now that he’s gone… we can focus on what really matters. That he should always be referred to as Gorilla Salad - and I trust no other blogger more to keep that alive than The Royal Half – and for him destroying his born-again teammate Jeff Carter when the Hawks beat the Flyers in the 2010 Final.  
Fear not, LA fans. Gorilla Salad will be either too hurt, too suspended or too healthy-scratched to really bother any of you. Please take advantage of this comedic gift you have been given and godspeed. 
And finally… completing the Amazing Blackhawk Blogger Trifecta… it’s Sam from The Committed Indian, with his thoughts on The Salad…
I’m not sure what to tell Kings fans about Dan Carcillo aka Gorilla Salad. Here in Chicago, he appealed to our meatball, mouth-breathing, actually-like-Jim-Belushi crowd who have sort of rebelled against the Hawks turn to speed and skill AND NOW DEY DON’T PLAY TOUGH AT ALL AND YOU CAN’T WIN WIT’ OUT BEING TOUGH EXCEPT FOR DAT TIME DEY DID AND DAT UDDER TIME DEY DID. Not that the Kings are bereft of skill and speed, far from it. But I’m just guessing there’s a much less percentage of Kings fans who think the Kings aren’t tough enough like there is amongst Hawks fans.
You know who Carcillo will appeal to? You probably remember a few years ago when the Ducks were real good and won a Cup, and all their dumbass, leather jacket wearing, viagra-popping fans thought they won because they fought a lot instead of having two of the best d-men of all time and Giguere at the height of his powers? Yeah, if there’s guys like that who are Kings fans they’ll like him. But that’s about it. 
As for on the ice? Yeah, not much. Gorilla Salad isn’t an enforcer, because no one’s afraid of him. He’s not a pest, because he doesn’t annoy anyone anymore. Basically, he resorts to cheapshots and other attempts to injure when someone’s not looking to be a “physical force.”
He couldn’t keep up with the Hawks style, and I doubt he can keep up with the Kings’ anywhere outside the 4th line. If you ask him for 40 games to give you 8-10 minutes a night and sort of not get you killed, he can probably do that. He’ll pop up with a nice play here or there, maybe a goal or two and that’ll cause all the unwashed amongst Kings to claim he’s so valuable. But he’s not. I’m sure Sutter will figure it out sooner rather than later. 

Well, there you have it. The Elite of Chicago Blackhawks Bloggers telling us exactly how awful Daniel Carcillo is. I just wish there was some way for us LA Kings fans to understand why Daniel Carcillo was brought to Los Angeles to play hockey…

GOD HELP US ALL!!!

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.