THE AMAZING RACE RECAP – EPISODE 7

Greetings Kings fans!

It’s time for another recap of The Amazing Race starring Ally & Ashley!

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We’re down to six teams now and as always…  Team names are subject to change.

Team Awesome was the first to depart.

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Auf Wiedersehen, Austria…    HELLO, ABU DHABI!

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Team Bunny were second to depart.

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I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d look so happy once they saw hot it would be and what they would have to wear when they reached their first destination in the UAE.

All0059Another day, another Allah.

Team Annoying, aka The Afghanimals, were 3rd.

TeamWildAndCrazyGuys007They can’t mosque their enthusiasm.

Team “Poor Tim…   Poor poor Tim” were 4th

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 Team Silver Medal left 5th

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Team Dream Date….  well who cares what place the teams finish in anyway…

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As long as you know how to pronounce the name of the place you’re headed to next you should be fine right?

Right?

Let me guess…   Ally & Ashley aren’t huge Garfield fans.

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Team Annoying managed the almost impossible task of gaining an advantage over the other teams by booking tickets on a flight that arrived in Abu Dhabi at 5:50am.

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The remaining teams were left on another flight that arrived later in the day.

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Ten minutes?

TEN MINUTES???

What’s that, like…    one episode of Children’s Hospital??

Once they arrived, most of the teams were in awe of the Sheik Zayed Mosque…

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…but for Team Police Squad it just brought up painful memories.

Once inside the mosque, the ladies were required to don more “conservative” attire.

TeamProductPlacement037This moment of humble reflection brought to you by Nike and the LA Kings.

 TV and movies have a long rich history of terrifying hooded figures who prey on the souls of the innocent and weak.

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This week a new member joins their ranks.

TeamAnnoying010Poor Tim….   Poor poor Tim…

The Detour options for this week were Sort It Out or Sew It Up.

All0061I’ll take “Things we wish Tim would do to Marie’s mouth for $500, Alex.”

The success of any episode of The Amazing Race seems to hinge quite a bit on how interesting the tasks are.  If you thought there was no way the producers could make sorting dates or weaving baskets exciting….

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…you would be 100% correct.

Two equally dull and slow moving tasks that required meticulous attention to detail that the home viewer could never truly experience or appreciate?  Well at least there were tons of horrible “date” puns and Tim and Marie were completely unbearable.  That had to be fun for the locals, right?

All0063He’s no Polish Cabbie but this guy is my favorite part of this episode.

So Tim & Marie are awful, people made simple errors that cost them tons of time and yadda yadda yadda….

Team Bunny missed the Yacht to the last leg by like ten seconds.

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I’m finally starting to get into the rhythm of this show so I knew that next up would be a Road Block with some sneaky description that could also double as an Urban Dictionary definition of some disgusting yet inventive sexual position or activity.

All0065Nobody.  Nobody wants to drop in on a hot lap, you filthy perverts.

Because the first tasks featured groups of people standing around sorting fruit or sitting on the ground weaving baskets, the producers wisely chose a final task with a bit more excitement.

Sitting and remembering.

Oh sure they were “sitting” in a race car and memorizing names and numbers as they went whizzing by…  but it’s still just sitting and remembering.  Fortunately they found a completely cockamamie way of adding an element of danger and excitement to a task that essentially tested your ability to memorize and rank statistics.

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Dude…    if I could play Fantasy Hockey from the passenger seat of a Le Mans Prototype…   no…   no I’d still suck at Fantasy Hockey.

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I’ve made a few cheap digs at The Amazing Race during the half season that I’ve watched it.  I’ve made the suggestion that it’s scripted, rigged and otherwise manipulated and I don’t think anybody would be shocked or appalled to learn that any of that was true.  In fact I think most of us would appreciate the effort to create a more compelling television show.

BUT………

This “Non-Elimination Leg” nonsense has got to stop.

Now listen…   nobody loves Kim Bunny and her cleavage more than I do.

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See?  I put a gratuitous shot of her in her bikini from way back in Episode Two just to prove it.

But Team Bunny lost.

No I’m sorry that’s not right.

Team Bunny lost AGAIN.

But they’re still on the show because Philk Hogan and the producers know what keeps me coming back for more!

Team Dowry – An over bearing father and his plain jane daughter – ELIMINATED

Team Birdcage – two cross dressing actors on the wrong side of middle aged – ELIMINATED

Team Football – two accomplished male athletes that make me feel ashamed of my own lack of physical prowess -ELIMINATED

Team Sexy – two beardedweirdos from Chino – ELIIMINATED

Team Oklahoma – Two unsophisticated (but very likeable) best friends from the fly over states – ELIMINATED

Quick tally : 9 men, one woman

The remaining teams?

Two attractive doctors who are good at everything, two professional cheerleaders, two WAGS, a bikini model, a personal trainer,their lunk headed but physically fit boyfriends and The Afghanimals.

7 women, 5 men.

I see your game Amazing Race.

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Keep it up.

My official prediction for next week is that The Afghanimals will be eliminated.

Now here’s my official tribute to Abu Dhabi.

Of all the members of Team TRH Jesse Cohen probably comes closest to actually hating the Kings. Whether obsessing over the 1998 sweep at the hands of the St. Louis Blues, wishing he had witnessed the fight between Dmitri Khristich and Barry Potomski or cursing their attempts to fool the fans by dressing Randy Robitaille for 18 games, Jesse harbors a deep-seeded resentment towards the Kings.You can follow Jesse Cohen on Twitter @KingsMenPodcast.
  • FejsFuk Čekić

    abu dubai lmao / it all went down from there / thx jesse

    • All The Kings Men

      My pleasure