THE 5 STAGES OF TWEET

This morning, before TMZ or any other reputable press outlet knew the details, the NHL suspended Slava Voynov indefinitely from all LA Kings activities pending a formal investigation on his arrest on charges of domestic violence.

 
Domestic Violence is no laughing matter, whether it occurs with your favorite athlete or the neighbor down the street. As a reminder, the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US is 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) and in Canada it’s 1.800.363.9010.

But if there is one thing we’ve learned over the past few years, it’s that when an athlete gets suspended for causing harm to a fellow human being… there are 5 distinct categories of responses from people on Twitter.
 

1) “MY FANTASY TEAM SUFFERS!!!”

 

2) “UGH, CAN WE PLEASE BRING BACK THE FREE AGENT WHO LEFT RECENTLY?!?”

OR

2a) “WHO CAN WE REPLACE HIM WITH?”

 


 

3) “THIS INDIVIDUALS ETHNIC BACKGROUND IS THE WORST!”

And the extra-rare “Killing Two Birds with One Stone” Fantasy/Ethic Background Tweet:

 

4) “MY LEAGUE IS BETTER THAN YOUR LEAGUE!”

 

5) THE WORST OF HUMANITY

 

We will continue to monitor the stupidity of Twitter as events warrant.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.
  • John

    Why is pointing out the potential fallacy of having domestic violence accusations acted upon before investigations are completed that bad? Remember Brian Banks? False rape accusation ruined his life. I don’t understand how someone can be punished just based on an accusation. Why wouldn’t teams start employing that method routinely against other players?

  • Carlos Chavez

    Damn. That was a lot of tweets. I almost read most of them.

    As usual, you make a weird/bad situation a bit more bearable/funnier, TRH.