TRH RECAP – NEW YORK RANGERS ROUND 4 GAME 1: JUSTIN (OVER)TIME
KINGS 3, RANGERS 2 (OT)
A dramatic Game 7 overtime win wrapped up the LA Kings season as they skated off into the sunset—
Wait, what?! THERE’S ANOTHER ROUND!?
*pops a lorazepam*
You’re telling me that after 21 games the Kings still haven’t won the Stanley Cup? It only took 20 games in 2012!
Well, alright, I guess they need to win one more series before we can all go one with our lives and stop waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. No? Just me?
So the proverbial final hill to climb comes in the form of the New York Rangers. Last time we saw the Blueshirts at Staples Center nothing embarrassing or noteworthy occurred. Nope. Not a thing.
Oh, right. Well, whatever. The Kings just took down the Sharks, Ducks and Blackhawks while the Rangers won the Eastern Conference (LOL) after defeating teams that featured goalies even the ECHL would reject.
Anyway, let’s focus on the present and see how fans prepared for Game 1:
@lakings Go fuck yourselves.
— Lenny (@NYRMakeMeDrink) June 4, 2014
Well hello to you, too.
FUCK THE FUCKING KINGS FUCK THEM FUCK FUCK FUCK
— henry chinaski (@xcoxtonyardx) June 4, 2014
Hmm… this seems like it could go on for a while.
Let’s just skip forward a bit.
— whoot (@fbm77777) June 4, 2014
Kings fans are fucking joke what's a hockey????
— Nick (@NickLeo09) June 4, 2014
— Anna Freeda (@annafreeda) June 4, 2014
Wish I wasn't so skinny because I need a big ol' butt so all the "experts" that picked the kings to win the cup can kiss my fucking ass #lgr
— Mark Norton (@mcnorto) June 4, 2014
I hope all the kings players dicks fall off tonight. #StanleyCupFinal
— Grimlock (@Diogenes347) June 4, 2014
Holy guack the LA Kings are ugly as fuck
— Der König (@KingTaylor44) June 5, 2014
Alright, let’s just get this over with.
If they show the kings beating the devils one more time I'm gonna throw the fucking tv out the window
— Nick Mauro (@NickMauro12) June 5, 2014
Such fond memories.
STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THE SHARKS WE KNOW THE KINGS BEAT US
— princess lauren (@ALEXOVECHKINS) June 5, 2014
It just keeps getting better.
7 year old sister: why don't you like the Rangers Me: they're a bunch of pussies #oops
— jfhance (@jack_hance22) June 5, 2014
New York role models.
The pressure by the rangers is pleasing my cock
— maros (@iLikeMartosDly) June 5, 2014
The guy who runs the Kings Twitter is a huge douche a lot of the time but sometimes hes fucking hilarious
— Louis Van Codo (@Codo_Rush) June 5, 2014
I HOPE IT FUCKING HURTS KINGS FANS. #shorthanded
— kory schoenke (@koryschoenke) June 5, 2014
It stings like a thousand Slava Voynov skate blades slicing into my heart.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THE KINGS DEFENSE BLOWS
— Nick Liverani (@LiveraniNick) June 5, 2014
Kings are done. They are too fucking slow and can't hold the puck. Bye.
— The MacGyver Guy (@MattLorenzo) June 5, 2014
Good season, boys. Let’s pack it in.
OMG HA PUSSY ASS KING BITCHES IS WHAT YOU ARE @LAKings
— Austin Kirchner (@austin_k88) June 5, 2014
— brian (@bdegnanjd) June 5, 2014
I’m sorry I stopped reading about two words in.
MY DAD CHANGED THE CHANNEL, SO I CALLED HIM A FUCKING FAGGOT, AND I MISSED THE LA KINGS GOAL. IM SO FUCKING MAD.
— emily (@gunsandzombies) June 5, 2014
The future of LA Kings fandom is looking brighter every day.
— andrew smith (@_smitty91) June 5, 2014
Wanna suck drew doughty's dick
— sambananas (@SammiMyers) June 5, 2014
I guess we all have our dreams.
If you're rooting for the kings you're a fucking douche
— Conor McAuley (@conormcrawls) June 5, 2014
Drew Doughty can suck a dick.
— Jordan Northrop (@JordanNorthrop) June 5, 2014
Hey @NBCSports, is it hard to do intermission reports while sucking the kings dicks?
— ΚΟRΙΝΔ (@happykarmagirl) June 5, 2014
It’s 2-2 at this point. Let’s just move on.
The Kings crowd fucking sucks…. Why does this team deserve to win again?
— MILLER LITE PAPI (@airbagged) June 5, 2014
Holy fuck nice dive drew doughty you pussy #NYR
— Gary Bertier (@mattpatierno72) June 5, 2014
— The 57th State© ℅EF™ (@EF517_V2) June 5, 2014
Ahh yes, the sunny pacific coastal shores of Montreal.
@DrunkHitch it's about fucking time!!! Kings/kings fans = a heavy dirty tampon with a hint of blue waffle. Think about that one. Cold shiver
— Wood (@dwood6100) June 5, 2014
Fucking fuck. Fuckass. Fuck the kings
— Fredrik Treven (@FredrikTreven) June 5, 2014
FUCK! OVER SOME FUCKING SLOPPY HANDLING THATS SOME FUCKING BULLSHIT. FUCK L.A FUCK THE KINGS FUCK FUCK FUCK.
— Max Dillion (@TwigtheDemocrat) June 5, 2014
Wow rangers thats what happens when u clear to the kings u fucking retards
— TTorres (@TTorres3300) June 5, 2014
@LAKings suck my ass u basic bitches
— Beth Paul (@DanUgglaInUggs) June 5, 2014
*searches Urban Dictionary*
NO ONE CALLS MY FAVORITE TEAM “BASIC.”
Girardi what an awful game kill yourself bro
— Doug Mercer (@TheDougMercer) June 5, 2014
Whoa, that’s a bit extreme.
Dumb piece of shit girardi kill yourself
— Dan Kipnis (@D_Kipnis) June 5, 2014
Girardi should just kill himself lol
— Diab Ali (@MrCatchYoPass) June 5, 2014
Fuck you LA Kings! Fuck you all! You're all so fucking overrated! You can all get fucking concussions! FUCK YOU LA KINGS! FUCK YOU ALL!
— Brandon Ford (@brandonford5459) June 5, 2014
Fuck fuck fuck fuck what the fuck fuck ass shit god dammit Girardi mother fucker dammit fuck ass shit
— Rich (@RangerRichLI) June 5, 2014
.@LAKings you guys are still a bunch of Fuck boys.
— Pulido, Anthony (@_AMP5) June 5, 2014
If you like the kings I assume you like dicks in your ass. We'll see you motherfuckers in game 2.
— George Mcfly (@beachjedi) June 5, 2014
The @LAKings fan base is made up of more AIDS positive islander fans, than people from LA. Staples Center was a joke. Peep us in MSG game 3.
— Anthony (@theASWAGG) June 5, 2014
fuck dick shit pussy ugh rangers lost
— no (@passmypills) June 5, 2014
At least Rangers fans vocabulary improved throughout the game.
How to not lose to the Kings: -Do not score first -Do not score second -Do not take a lead -Do not fall behind -Do not lead a series -Do no
— George Dubstep Bush (@hamsandcastle) June 5, 2014
3. ALL THE INTROS
*plays on repeat until Game 2*
2. Drew Doughty
YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU SPEAK TO JEFF CARTER!
…all is forgiven.
1. Justin Williams
Is there anything Justin Williams can’t do?
That was rhetorical.
We all know he can do everything. <3 <3 <3