FLUBBER’S GAME OF THE WEEK: BUFFALO vs ST. LOUIS
Welcome back to Flubber’s Game of the
Month Week, where we take a weekly look at the game to watch in the NHL.
Inspired by Jersey Brian’s excellent game recap/cheesecake recipe post, we have another practical post that will help you both understand the game of hockey and do something useful, as well.*
How to change your oil, St. Louis Blues edition!
(*- Offer not valid for electric car drivers. Go out and buy an SUV like a normal person, why don’t ya.)
Replacing Your Oil, as Told By the St. Louis Blues
Step 1: Elevate Your Car
The Blues are no stranger to putting the car up on blocks. Currently they are in the process of finishing their twenty-fifth rebuild in team history. Recently, T.J. Oshie, David Backes, Erik Johnson, and David Perron represented the post-full-season lockout prior to the recent rebuild. Now the rebuild of Patrik Berglund, Vladimir Sobotka, and Alex Pietrangelo is expected to carry them into the playoffs and to a Stanley Cup Final appearance.
Anyway, to change your oil you need to first elevate your car in some way. Either with a jack, or on blocks. That is stage one in replenishing your car’s vital fluids.
Step 2: Loosen and remove plug
There is a little cap under your car you have to loosen to drain the oil. Find it? Good. It’s what we call in the biz an “oil plug.” Also, known as a Mayers plug.
Put an oil pan underneath it before you loosen it, or oil will spill all over the place and your leading goal scorer will be Mike Sillinger. More like Spillinger, amirite?!?!?
Also, loosen your oil cap in your engine. That promotes gravity, and helps the oil drain easier.
Step 3: Drain oil
In case you are unaware, after you loosen the cap oil will start spilling out everywhere. Just like the Blues, this is a necessary step in bleeding your team of any old, used oil. Just think of it as purging yourself of any unnecessary Jay McKees or Dan Hinotes.
Step 4: Remove filter
Don’t forget to replace your filter. Sometimes in hockey, you need to replace the filter of a team. The guy that removes contaminants from the ice surface. The goalie.
The Blues have replaced many filters in their history. Tom Barrasso, Ben Bishop, Ty Conklin, Grant Fuhr, Curtis Sanford, and Roman Turek, just to name a few. And they have just rid themselves of their latest filter, Jaroslav Halak. Just for giggles, here’s what Halak’s head would look like on an oil filter.
Also, make sure the rubber gasket is attached to the old filter after you remove it. No jokes here, that’s just good advice.
Step 5: Apply new filter
Replace your old goalie with a new goalie. The Blues have done it before, and, dammit, they’ll do it again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
So, in steps Ryan Miller, an established goaltender who may or may not be better than Halak. But, he’s sturdy, shiny, and capable of removing impurities in an otherwise dismal situation. Also, here is what he looks like with his goofy head on an oil filter:
Step 6: Reattach plug
Helllllooooo, Steve Ott!
Step 7: Replace oil
If you’ve made it this far, congrats! It’s time to put new oil into your car! Much like the Blues, now is your opportunity to lower your vehicle off its supports, start it up, and drive around town with the confidence of knowing your vehicle will get you from point A to point B without any problems. And you did it all by yourself! Good for you.
Just don’t get too crazy with your newfound sense of self-worth and end up like these recent Blues teams.
Ted Nolan Appreciation Society
Ted Nolan is now the official Head Coach of the Buffalo Sabres®! Yay, good for him! And, did you ever notice how much he looks like demolitions expert Edgar Montrose (Graham Greene) from “The Red Green Show”? Well, he does.
They are probably the same person. I wonder what Ted Nolan would look like with his head on an oil filter…
Brian Elliott gets the start for the Blues and promptly gives up two early goals. Ryan Miller comes in, Steve Ott scores three goals, and the Blues win 3-2. Buffalo officially clinches worst team in the league, or something, and win the draft lottery.