TRH RECAP 75: #SELKESMOOTH CHEESECAKE
KINGS 4, JETS 2
I have a confession to make: I like to bake.
Yeah, laugh all you want, but I happen to enjoy baking and I’m pretty good at it. Seriously – just ask Team TRH – some of them have bulked up on thanks to my cakes and cookies. What does this have to do with tonight’s Kings/Jets game? Well, instead of being able to just focus on the game, I had to bake a cake for a friend’s birthday. I set up my prep area with my line of sight aimed at the game and just tried my best to do two things at once.
And that’s when I realized what’s the point of telling you about my baking if you can’t join in. So instead of just recapping tonight’s game, I figured I’d give you something you could actually use if needed: a recipe for a marble cheesecake combined with a recap. The first ever Royal Half Recipe-cap, if you will. Let’s get to it, shall we?
Must like playing the Jets, making a marble cheesecake is pretty easy, but it takes a little bit of time, so you should start preparations early. As the re-run of “Kings Weekly” starts an hour before the puck drops, pull out 3 packages (8 ounce size) of cream cheese from the fridge and let it sit on the counter and soften. It should be perfect for mixing by the second period, if not the 1st intermission.
The key to a great pie is your crust. You have two options – you can spend big on a free agent (aka, buy one of the pre-made crusts from a store) or you can build around your own draft picks (aka, make a homemade crust). Either way can work, but I’m more into making my own.
Here’s what you’ll need:
1 1/4 cups of graham cracker crumbs (about 10 crackers)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/3 cup butter or margarine
2 tbsp sugar
1. Break the graham crackers into smaller pieces and put them into a food processor and really chop them up into small crumbs. Put the crumbs into a medium sized bowl.
2. Your food processor is really loud and drowns out most noise. Yet, somehow, words like “LEWIS SCORES!” will cut through it, either because you don’t expect to hear them or because Trevor Lewis Fanatic Jack A. Wilson’s screams could be heard across town.
— Jack Wilson (@JACKaWILSON) March 30, 2014
3. Back to the crust. Melt the butter/margarine in a small pan and add the sugar in and mix together. Then, pour the sugar/butter mixture into the graham crackers and mix them together well.
4. If this is your first time making this recipe, you may feel overwhelmed juggling so much, but don’t worry, it’s not nearly as stressful as Ondřej Pavelec juggling a flying stick and a Kopitar slap shot.
Scoreboard: Kings 2, Jets 0, Crust 1/2 Done
5. Pour the mixture into a pie pan and spread out evenly. Use the bottom of a glass to press down and make a nice, even bottom and side to the crust.
6. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Not sure if that’s the goal horn for Kopi’s second goal or the timer for the crust going off.
7. Let the crust cool completely.
With the Kings in control, it’s time to make the batter for the cheesecake, but right now, the ones who are battered are the Jets. BOOM!
Okay, back to the recap-cipe. For the batter, you’ll need:
3 packages (8 oz size) of cream cheese, softened (yup, the ones you put on the counter at the start of Kings Weekly)
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup sour cream
2 tsp vanilla
3 tbsp flour
1 Al Montoya (You’ll originally plan your recipe thinking you’ll use Ondřej Pavelec, but he’ll just leave a bitter taste in your mouth, so plan on substituting ahead of time)
For chocolate portion of batter, you’ll need:
1/4 cup Hershey’s Cocoa
1/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp oil
1/2 tsp vanilla
1. Beat the cream cheese in a mixer until it’s fluffier than Dustin Byfuglien.
2. Then add sugar, sour cream and 2 tsp vanilla in until it’s #SelkySmooth.
3. Add flour, a tbsp at a time and blend it well. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
4. Reserve 1 and 1/2 cups batter aside.
5. Combine cocoa and sugar in a small bowl. Add oil, 1/2 tsp vanilla and the reserved 1 1/2 cups of batter. Mix these together well until they’re blended.
6. Write down all names of the Kings’ offensive players onto small pieces of paper. Throw them into the mixer and turn onto high. That’s how Darryl Sutter finally landed on these four lines.
7. Now that the crust is cooled, spoon plain and chocolate batters alternately over the crust. Gently swirl with a knife or a spatula for a marbled effect.
So now you’ve cheesecake ready to cook and the third period is about to begin. You may be feeling cocky about how things are looking, but there’s still a lot of time left, so if you stick to the game plan, everything should be fine, right?
1. Bake the cheesecake at 450 degrees for 10 minutes.
2. Matt Halischuk tries to put a scare in your with a goal, but it’s okay your cheesecake is cooking on the top rack. Speaking of racks, Top Titty just boosted the lead back up to three.
3. Without opening the door, reduce the heat to 250 degrees and continue baking for 30 minutes.
4. Turn off the oven and allow the cheesecake to cool for 30 minutes without opening the oven door. The cheesecake is still settling and if you move it or take it out, it could cave in, which is what the Kings are trying to do, giving up another goal with 9 minutes left to play.
Blake Wheeler? More like “Bake” Wheeler, amirightguys?
4. Once the time is up, take the cheesecake out of the oven, make sure it’s completely cool, and put it in the fridge overnight.
5. Now it’s time to celebrate and kick your leg in the air like you just don’t care.
Not only have the Kings won their 6th in a row, but you also now have a cheesecake recipe for the rest of your life.