KNOW YOUR OPPONENT: THE BOSTON BRUINS


The Boston Bruins, easily one of the most hated teams in the league, and yet somehow they always put an even more hated team in the Stanley Cup Final and make me root for them. It’s disgusting. Let’s a take a look at why I hate myself for even thinking about cheering for these sickening assholes.

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Lovely.

Brad Marchand is like the shit that gets stuck to the bottom of  your shoe that you can’t get off. Actually that’s an insult to shit, Marchand is lower than shit. He’s five layers lower than shit. The Bruins seem to finally be wising up to what idiots their players are, because they got rid of the other part of the twat-pack this summer.

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Getting traded to Dallas was the best thing that ever happened to Tyler.

Or not.

It doesn’t just stop there, there’s Milan “don’t you know who I am?” Lucic. He has to be one of the worst humans on earth. The fact that he reproduced actually makes me cringe. That poor child.

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DON’T DO IT GIRLS! HE’LL JUST THROW YOUR SHOES
IN YOUR FACE ON A DIRTY BOSTON STREET!

Of course we all know the Bruins players are horrible shit pushers but the real gem in the whole shit festival are the Bruins fans. Like all fan bases, there are always a few bad eggs, but in Boston they are like the eggs you hide for Easter two years ago and finally find them behind the fridge.

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I swear this isn’t Spike, but I totally understand the confusion.

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Bruins fans also like to engage in heavy petting,
and I’m actually afraid of how much I know about furries.

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Man they sure start them young there don’t they?

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Wait….what?

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Ah yes, the Big Bad Bruins and their dimwitted fucking fans.

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Going back to your room and jacking off is probably the answer.

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Ah yes, the years and years of human evolution have really peaked here.

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UGHHH

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My god that is horrible, but what the fuck is on his stomach?

You know it’s bad when the team tattoo isn’t the worst thing he’s ever put on his body.

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ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

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Horrible. What self respecting person would create and wear these stupid team shirts?

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Oh….sorry.

Based on all these lovely fans I’ve found so far, Pumper should have no problem doing his recap. Not that it’s that hard to do anyway right?

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Eat shit, mother fuckers.

One Girl One Puck is The Royal Half’s resident creeper. Her amazing posts, “Know Your Opponent“, have become a fan “favorite”. If any hockey player did anything stupid at any point of their life, and if someone was kind enough to take a picture, there’s a 100% chance she will put it in a post. She has been a Kings fan for over 15 years, even through the years when Jere Karalahti played “defense”.One Girl One Puck is also the co-founder of the hugely popular Tumblr page "Drew Doughty in Blue Jays Hats." It's exactly what you think it is. If you enjoy pointless posts about hockey players butts, she’s your girl!You can follow One Girl, One Puck on Twitter @OneGirlOnePuck.