FREEWAY FARCE: Week 16



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WEEK 16 (Jan 13-Jan 19)

Los Angeles Kings (29-14-6)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the LA Kings:

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Frustrating week, huh?

Willie Mitchell tells Peter Gammons to shut up:

An old man, who covers a sport that nobody under the age of 30 gives a crap about said this:

If you decided to get blackout drunk in order to deal with the result of the Kings-Red Wings game, you may not know what he’s talking about. Basically, this

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Most sane hockey fans saw that and had some sort of reaction like, “Tortorella is an idiot.” Tortorella’s actions were ultimately a reaction to Calgary starting the game with their fourth line, including Kevin Westgarth at center (or as Calgarians would say, “centre”), and a line brawl ensuing.

Most sane hockey fans realize that things like that are associated with a strategy or philosophy that is becoming outdated. Really, it’s just more evidence of the Flames and Canucks being the Flames and Canucks.

flames canucks penalty

Despite all this, Peter Gammons decided to do the hockey world a favor, and let them know why nobody takes their sport seriously. And the reactions to Gammons were pretty great:

But nobody nailed it quite like veteran defenseman, foodie, outdoorsman, Willie Mitchell.

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Nice usage of the syringe emoji. Mitchell had the best response to Gammons, but only the Mayor could make a UFC analogy.

Worst Week Ever:

Even though the Kings earned five points in three games, there’s no other way to say it: THIS WEEK SUCKED.

On Tuesday morning, this happened:

Toff-OH GOD, NO!

TRH covered all of the (over)reaction here, but here’s the best of the best:

“Bad” and “dumb” aren’t great, and I can only assume they’re even worse when put together.

Those are two different ways to look at it.

And that is a VERY different way to look at it.

Nice of you to show up, Helene.

I’m not even sure what that means.

Oh Jesus, let’s not get crazy.

Cammalleri!?!?  I don’t think I can handle anymore. Let’s move on.

Wednesday only brought worse news:

Yup.

Pumpernicholl did a masterful job compiling the best GIFs that Scrivens provided us with during his short time in LA, but the real fireworks came once he got to Edmonton and Sean Gentille compiled a bunch of tweets from Jenny Scrivens, about how much she loved living in her hometown of LA … because??? … Chris Pronger’s wife didn’t like Edmonton?

It escalated when somebody named @AVPreports ripped off the article, and Ben Scrivens caught wind of it.

We miss you already, Ben.

Things only got worse when the Kings and Red Wings squared off a few nights later. You know, this whole thing:

QuickBackNetGoal

King Tufficult had all of the reactions in the recap, but the best of them came from within the Kings organization.

Smart ass Darryl Sutter is the best kind of Darryl Sutter.

 

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (37-9-5)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim:

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The Ducks win streak disappeared once they got to Chicago.

The Worst of the Worst from @ducksfanzone:

You know the drill…

He doesn’t think Brian Hayward is being homer-y enough. That’s impressive.

ahahahahahahahaha oh man, I forgot that the Ducks are banished to KDOC for some of their games.

Imagine how Kings fans feel.

Oh man, he’s serious about this. That’s actually a little scary.

HE’S A PATRIOTS FAN!?!? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

Nine Goals. Nine!:

Here is the Ducks score sheet from their game against Vancouver:

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All but three players tallied a point. What’s up Dustin Penner? We’ll try to answer that in a little bit.

Clearly, they haven’t been paying attention to his offensive performance then.

 

SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE WEEK?

First Round, Scoring Slump Updates:

Kings:  

I guess it’s just another week with out a Trevor LeWHAAAAAAAAAAA…

Don’t you dare try to take that goal away from Trevor Lewis, NBC announcers. We all know it was his. Just look at his reaction.

Trevor Lewis Celebrates First Goal (1) - The Royal Half

The best part of that is Dwight King having no idea who actually shot the puck. Watch him try to tell Jarret Stoll that it’s his goal.

But the real American hero wasn’t done.

HIT THE MUSIC!

In the words of the late The Royal Half, “I wish there were some way to visually represent how Kings fans felt about Trevor Lewis’ first goals.”

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Ducks:

As mentioned earlier, Dustin Penner was one of only three Ducks players to not score in the 9-1 victory over the Canucks. One of the others was Tim Jackman, and we all know he doesn’t really count. Overall things have been a little bleak for the big guy.

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Winner: Dustin Penner. At least he’s still posting Instagrams of his dogs with E.D.M. soundtracks.

Second Round, War of Words:

Kings:

Darryl Sutter via LA Kings Insider:

On whether he saw Kronwall’s goal well “live” and “in speed”:
I’d seen it live and in tech- yeah, I was right on the bench, same speed as you. Did you see it live?…Just put it this way. If one of the best players in the league, Drew Doughty, can see it – [Reporter: The reason I ask is because Kopitar said he actually didn’t see it hit the net. So I was just curious-] What difference does that make? It doesn’t matter if they scored it or we scored it. It’s friggin’ embarrassing…What’s the flag? Throw the flag? [Reporters: The challenge flag.] Throw the challenge flag, yeah.

Darryl Sutter is ready for some football.


Ducks:

Bruce Boudreau via the Jonathan Davis:

 On Wayne Gretzky being involved:
“Who? Listen. I’m older then him, but he’s still my idol. To have him involved is incredible. Gordie Howe is way in his eighties now, so Wayne is Mr. Hockey. If his name is associated with anything, you know it’s going to be a quality project.”

When it comes to Wayne Gretzky, we are all fanboys.

Winner: Darryl Sutter snark

On what type of response he wants from his team:
Oh yeah, we’re going to play bad the next game for sure because they scored that goal. You haven’t been around us enough to know that.

 

Third Round, Video Highlight of the Week:

Kings:

It was overshadowed by all of the Trevor Lewis love, but Jonathan Quick was pretty great in that third period against St. Louis.

Ducks:

Teemu Selanne is too nice.

Winner: Jeff Carter crushing the Detroit announcer’s spirit.

Listen to that dejection. “Carter … boy, oh boy.”

WINNER OF THE WEEK: American brotherhood

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Man, things are going to be awkward at team photo day.

A rambling man, Hrudey can't be tied to any one team. But because he's too cheap for NHL Gamecenter, his NHL universe consists only of Ducks and Kings broadcasts. What he lacks in knowledge of the actual sport of hockey, he makes up for in snark and pop culture references. You can follow Hrudey Can't Fail on Twitter @HrudeyCantFail.