FREEWAY FARCE: Week 14



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WEEK 14 (Dec 29-Jan 5)

Los Angeles Kings (26-13-4)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the LA Kings:

KatherineWebb Let’s just not talk about it.

Helene vs. Technology:

It seems that one astute observer watched yesterday’s post-game scrum, and noticed that somebody’s voice memo app looks like this: ios6   Instead of this:

ios7Which is weird because ios7 was released over three months ago. Somebody would have to be really technologically challenged to have not upgraded yet.

Yup. That seems about right.

Return of The Quick:

He’s back! That’s some vintage Jonathan Quick right there.

But what’s better than that save?  This harmless tweet from the Kings:

led to this:

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So that single tweet earned responses from one of the most obnoxious Ducks fans on twitter (rivaled only by Ducks Fan Zone), somebody spewing hatred and homophobia, a porn star, somebody spamming the porn star, and a parody account of the most tired form (shit _______ says/typical ______ fan).

#TheInternet

Although this seems like an awful idea, we’re going to see where this led:

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That was just awful. Those people make me sadder than those Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials*.

*Do yourself a favor, and don’t click that hyperlink. It’s a day-ruiner.

 

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (31-8-5)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim:

bama mom

Ducks continuing to obliterate everything in their path.

The Worst of the Worst from @ducksfanzone:

In a previous edition of “Worst of the Worst of DFZ” we talked about DFZ’s difficulties with statistical rankings. dfz rankings

Well FYI, it’s still an issue.

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Just because two players are tied in a statical category does not mean they count as one player. 

The good news is that Cam Fowler was named to Team USA. And that’s a fact that not even DFZ could screw up.

In fact, he even wrote a piece breaking down the selection.

Let’s check out some highlights:

It was announced at the summation of the 2014 Winter Classic between the Detroit Red Wings and the eventual shootout victors, the Toronto Maple Leafs that Anaheim Ducks defenseman Cam Fowler was named as one of the 8 defensemen selected to play for Team USA in Sochi this winter.

What a lede!

Although Fowler is in the top 10 of defensemen (top 4 among in the league in scoring by a defenseman), leading almost all defensemen in the league in blocked shots, and is sporting a +10 rating, Fowler very nearly didn’t make this year’s team.

Typos aside… now he’s among the top four in scoring for defenseman in the whole league? It should also be pointed out that he’s 17th, among defenseman, in blocked shots. And we’ll generously give a pass on using +/- to support any argument at this point.

Burnside reveals that former Ducks general manager Brian Burke was more in favor of Johnson going to Sochi over Fowler, as was Kings GM Dean Lombardi. In the end, Fowler’s play right before the final selections were made won over 6 of the 9 members of the selection committee and he entered the roster as the #8 defenseman.

Let’s not gloss over Lombardi’s “detailed report” in support of Yandle, mentioned  in Burnside’s piece. Lombardi being mocked for being a nerd was the highlight of the whole piece, after all.

Either way, Fowler will need to keep playing excellently if he wants to make the right impression on Team USA GM David Poile and head coach Dan Bylsma (who will likely give free reign to his boys Orpik and Martin to be locked into the roster).

#analysis

Fowler has to keep playing the way he always does: EXCELLENTLY… but Bylsma will probably give FREE REIGN(?) to HIS BOYS to be(?) locked into the roster.

Rob Laurie, Journeyman Benchwarmer:

You may remember that some odd circumstances, last season, led to OC native (and Anaheim Bullfrogs legendRob Laurie getting a chance to serve as the Ducks back-up goalie for a portion of the first period of a game, while waiting for the team’s AHL call-up to arrive. 

Well, thanks to one of Dustin Brown’s “accidents,” Laurie got another shot, this time for an entire game, and this time with the Vancouver Canucks.

Basically what I’m saying is that we are all very, very jealous of this guy.

laurie   laurie2

#WeAreAllRobLaurie

SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE WEEK?

First Round, Scoring Slump Updates:

Kings:  

I’m not even going to bother explaining this anymore…

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Ducks:

Old Man Selanne continues to be a non-factor for the Ducks.

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In fact, it has gotten so bad that he got stuck on Dustin Penner’s line(when Penner isn’t a healthy scratch, that is).

Winner: Teemu’s work schedule

I guess he has accrued a lot of PTO during all of those years in the NHL. Gotta use it some time, right? 

Second Round, War of Words:

Kings:

Darryl Sutter, via LA Kings Insider:

On any special plans to celebrate his 1,000th game as coach: Yeah, all that is is a friggin’ warranty run-out. That’s not it. It’s probably like 2,000 to tell you the truth, really, when you look at it. I mean, they make a big deal out of it because it’s a stat, right? It’s a history stat, if they look at it. But to me, it’s way more important the number of playoff games that you’ve coached than guys who have coached a thousand games in the regular season, and quite honest, if you look at it, I’ve been an assistant coach, associate coach, general manager, player, there’s way more than a thousand. All them friggin’ lockouts, all those games. I tell the players, you know what? When you’re far enough along, all a thousand games is is it tells you that you’re far enough along that you’ve had some success, and then you can have some selection if you want to coach. It’s not like a job, and if you look at with me, it’s like a sabbatical, and then it’s a friggin’ mission, and then it’s a sabbatical, and then it’s a mission. So as long as you enjoy it and you get kids like that in there, the thousand games, the more I look at it, I think more about what your family sacrificed than what I have, that’s for sure.

Darryl Sutter postgame scrums are basically Sopranos re-runs on friggin’ basic cable.

Ducks:

Bruce Boudreau, via the Curtis Zupke:

 ”We’d love him to be more consistent. And that’s our goal, is to get him to be more consistent,” Boudreau said. “We’ve talked a lot, me and Dustin, and seen video, and he knows what he has to do to be on top of his game. I know he wants to. He is really a studious player and he wants to be as good as he can all the time. Sometimes it hasn’t been there.”

Just for fun,  let’s see if Darryl Sutter said anything similar about Penner, while he was with the Kings.

Jan 12, 2012 –  “I just want him to be consistent. Everything is measured with him because of his size and previous scoring. So I’m trying to take that pressure off him and just (have him) be a consistent two-way guy. When I first came, he was playing with Jarret and Justin Williams, and we used it more as a checking line. That’s when we were trying Richards at (left wing), with Kopi. We were trying to find that balance, to get some more scoring. Mike is a better center, so we moved him back to center and put Dustin there and put Jarret on wing. The last couple games, we played that line against the Sedin line, and then the last line we played them against Jarome (Iginla) and Cammy [Michael Cammalleri]. It’s just trying to get that balance. It’s not so much him. It’s just trying to take a little pressure off him and get him to be a solid, every-night player. Apr 17, 2013 – “There’s no deep, dark answer or anything like that,” Sutter said. “That’s what we’re trying to do. How’s he played? He hasn’t played well enough. But that’s obvious — we’ve played 40 games and he’s got two goals.”

Hmmmmmm…seems like this may be an ongoing issue. Somebody should keep an eye on that.

Winner: Darryl Sutter colloquialisms

 On whether he still enjoys coaching: Absolutely. I don’t have to coach, right? You only have one kick at the cat. You’re trying to win. What’s wrong? And that’s true with the warranty. You don’t have to go buy a brand new truck. Why don’t you buy one that’s had good maintenance, a hundred thousand miles run off of it already? It’s still good. Take care of it. Take care of the engine.

Third Round, Video Highlight of the Week:

Kings:

Not only did Dustin Brown score the Kings’ first goal of 2014, he’s already making an impact for Team USA in the Olympics.

Hmmmmm…somebody in Vancouver is complaining about something? We should all probably listen up, because it must be serious.

 

A two-goal performance by Ben Lovejoy? Is it too late to add the 20th Anniversary Memorable Moments series.

Winner: Jeff Carter goal reactions

CarterVictorySmile

WINNER OF THE WEEK: A post-Carcillo Jeff Carter, and weak analogies.

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A rambling man, Hrudey can't be tied to any one team. But because he's too cheap for NHL Gamecenter, his NHL universe consists only of Ducks and Kings broadcasts. What he lacks in knowledge of the actual sport of hockey, he makes up for in snark and pop culture references. You can follow Hrudey Can't Fail on Twitter @HrudeyCantFail.