FREEWAY FARCE: Week 11



FreewayFarce900

 

WEEK 11 (Dec 9-Dec 15)

Los Angeles Kings (22-8-4)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the LA Kings:

robin-sparkles-canada

Canada ain’t no thang.

Slava Voynov’s School of Talking English Good:

We can all picture Drew Doughty giggling, as he helps Slava with his English, after practice each day:

“To say, ‘I’m sorry for what I did,’ just say ‘Fucking, shut the fuck up.’

Next up for Slava: 

carcillo rainbow

 

art class with Daniel Carillo

Where in the World is LA Kings Insider:

Do you know? Because Twitter seems to have no clue. Either that, or LAKI is really making the most of his downtime between road games. Let’s follow along, in chronological order:

LAKI Toronto

 

LAKI where SD

 

LAKI Ottawa

 

LAKI white plains

 

LAKI where Chi

 

But things got really interesting, earlier in the week, when LAKI shared a glimpse of the Air Canada Centre … home to the Toronto Maple Leafs … center of the NHL universe … 

 

LAKI montreal

… located in beautiful Montreal, Quebec.

We here at Freeway Farce have obtained exclusive footage of exactly the process Jon Rosen uses to send his Tweets:

Scrivens Family Burn of the Week:

First Martin Jones tries to steal his job, then his wife publicly nags him for wearing jeans and flip flops on TV.

scrivens and bob

 

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (23-7-5)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim:

lemon

Another undefeated week for the Mighty Ducks.

The Worst of the Worst from @ducksfanzone:

We have previously established DFZ and other Ducks fan’s irrational concern with “Power Rankings.” Well that continued this week, with an interesting twist:

But what about the ACTUAL standings?

The Ducks are fighting to stay near the top of an ultra competitive Western Conference, but there is over half a season left to play. Surely it is too early to start scoreboard watching. 

OR IS IT?

Yes. It absolutely is.

But what if you have another team’s draft pick? Is it too early too be concerned with where that pick may be?

Apparently not.

Unrelated, I just found this to be a particularly informative stretch of tweets from DFZ:

DFZ

Dustin Penner’s Desperate Need for Attention:

Dustin Penner is the guy at the party who tells a mediocre joke, gets a decent laugh, and then repeats the same joke for the rest of the night:

Jesus, we get it, you wore an ugly Christmas sweater and a funny hat. The bar for “having a personality”  is set so low for professional athletes.

Corey Perry Finally Gets a Prom Date:

The Ducks held their annual Casino night this week, and the theme was “High School Prom.” Here are some of the highlights, from Twitter:

That is one creepy looking gym teacher.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA like Corey Perry would ever be elected prom king. It’s LITERALLY a popularity contest

Now that is a version of The Real Housewives of OC that I would watch.

 

SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE WEEK?

First Round, Scoring Drought Updates:

Kings:

Trevor Lewis, 25 games played, 0 goals, 0 assists

lewis 0fer

Trevor Lewis returned to action this week. At least the Kings don’t have to worry about him taking time to find his scoring touch.

Ducks:

Teemu Selanne, 20 games played (Oct 22-Dec 11), 0 goals, 1 assist

BUT THAT ALL CHANGED ON SUNDAY NIGHT!!!

He’s back! Teemu is now on pace to finish the regular season with 8 goals and 11 assists.

That will bookend his career nicely, along with the 76 goals and 56 assists from 1992-93.

teemu rookie

Winner: Teemu vs. the Kings. In 7 games against LA, in that 1992-93 season, Selanne had 9 goals and 5 assists.

 

Second Round, War of Words:

Kings:

Darryl Sutter, via LA Kings Insider:

On Willie Mitchell attempting to play in the second period, and his status:
Yeah, he played in the second. He’s dinged up a little, and I just thought he couldn’t help us.

Let’s not ask Darryl Sutter for any health updates on Willie Mitchell ever again, okay?

Ducks:

Cam Fowler, via the LA Times:

Earlier this fall, Nashville General Manager David Poile, the Team USA GM, mentioned Fowler as a candidate for the Olympic team. On Thursday Poile said a group of young up-and-coming players will be strongly considered.

“I know there’s a lot of great players and not too many spots,” Fowler said. “We’re all fighting for our spot, doing the best we can. With the way I’ve played, the consistency I’ve shown, hopefully I’ve put myself in a good spot.… I’m working for it every day, and it’s a dream of mine.”

Cam Fowler for Team USA? 

Winner: LA Kings Insider, for tweeting something seemingly beyond imagination:

 

Third Round, Video Highlight of the Week:

Kings:

See, professional athletes are just like us. They too have a hard time differentiating between the Family Matters theme and the Full House theme. 

Ducks:

Alex Grant: 2 goals in 2 NHL games. Easy game, yo.

Winner: Dan Moriarty and Dave Coulier, BFFs

Screen Shot 2013-12-15 at 10.06.42 PM

WINNER OF THE WEEK:

Man, the Ducks still haven’t gotten over that whole Justin Schultz thing. Not even the Oliers would use him to market a game.

A rambling man, Hrudey can't be tied to any one team. But because he's too cheap for NHL Gamecenter, his NHL universe consists only of Ducks and Kings broadcasts. What he lacks in knowledge of the actual sport of hockey, he makes up for in snark and pop culture references. You can follow Hrudey Can't Fail on Twitter @HrudeyCantFail.