FLUBBER’S GAME OF THE WEEK: WINNIPEG vs COLUMBUS
Welcome back to Flubber’s Game of the Week, which takes a weekly look at the best game in the NHL. We missed out on last week, so how about a Monday game to get the week started off right, eh? This (last) week’s matchup:
So much going on here. We could talk about what former King Jack Johnson has been up to since being traded to the Jackets at the 2012 trade deadline for Jeff Carter. We could, but do you really care about Jack Johnson? Does anyone really care what Jack Johnson does?
Or, we could talk about one of their 2013 first round picks, Slovakian Marko Dano, a pick they acquired in the Carter-Johnson trade. But, his name isn’t Ziggy, so who cares.
What everyone is talking about in the Kings…err…Kingdom, is Evander Kane. Specifically, Evander Kane is going to play for the Kings in the near future. For some reason, the Jets are looking to deal Kane and have been for quite some time. It’s safe in this situation to just assume that the reasons include RACISM and leave it at that.
Listen to this, though: I heard it from a trusted source that the Jets want Robyn Regehr, Matt Greene, and a second rounder for Kane. And it will happen. Laugh all you want, but you won’t be laughing when Kane is making a call to Oscar Moller in Sweden to ask if it’s okay for him to use #9.
(for the record, it’s not okay. Moller will forever be #9, and no one can take that away from him)
There will be #haters in Canada that think Kane going to LA is terrible for the sport, but those are the same people that post in the comments section on every Phoenix Coyotes story on the Phoenix Business Journal’s website. Since those people are annoying, let’s take a look at the three reasons why Evander Kane will fit in perfectly in LA.
#1 – Left Wing
The obvious problem is that the Kings lack any top line depth at left wing, i.e. Carcillo, King, and Clifford are their only “left” wings. They have 12 goals between them so far this season, eight of those from Dwight King – which, if you don’t believe in regression, it’s about to blindside you right in your stupid head. In contrast, Kane only has seven, but is primed to score more often on a team that has real NHL players and not the tattered scraps of whatever the Thrashers management was trying to do. Put Kane on a line with Richards and Carter, and watch the Kings’ offense suffer no more!
#2 – #HunnidDollaBills
During the lockout last year, Evander Kane posted the following picture to Twitter of himself at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas making a “call” to Floyd Mayweather. His phone was STACKS OF ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS (!!!).
— Evander Kane (@EKane9JETS) December 19, 2012
Canadians were, of course, upset. “WHY CAN’T HE TAKE SELFIES OF HIMSELF PLAYING BINGO WITH SENIOR CITIZENS LIKE ALL GOOD CANADIAN BOYS?! DOESN’T HE CARE ABOUT THE NHL LOCKOUT?” That’s it, Canada. You had your chance. LA will do wonders for Kane’s personality, where he will be able to blossom into more than just an NHL player. He will be a celebrity. Just look what it did to Dwight King:
Kane already has a name for success in the city of Angels. Whenever young children in LA bang a slapshot top shelf in their pee wee league, they’ll yell “Kane!” Heck, he might as well even change his number to #24 for good measure.
You blew your chance, Canada. Much like you did with Gretzky, Steve Nash, and Drake.
#3 – THASS RAYCESS
Remember that racism bit from above. That wasn’t just tongue-in-cheek. No, the NHL has a race problem, but that problem is almost non-existent in the utopian metropolis of Los Angeles. Heck, the Kings have even employed Anson Carter on TWO separate occasions. Plus, they have welcomed whatever the hell Dan Carcillo is with open arms. The Kings, and their fans, see no color, Mr. Kane. We can’t say that much for Canada, though. Canada, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Evander Kane Video for the Ages
Evander Kane scores a hat trick, lowering his trade value. Then he does a “make it rain” celebration during the three stars announcement, raising his trade value. Jets win 3-2.