FREEWAY FARCE: WEEK 5



FreewayFarce900

 

WEEK 5 (Oct 28-Nov 3)

 

Los Angeles Kings (9-6-0)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the LA Kings:

van der beek cry

Two reasons for this one: 1. This is the entire Kings fan base reacting to the Jeff Carter injury news, and 2. JAMES VAN DER BEEK WAS AT SATURDAY NIGHT’S GAME!

Oh man, James Van Der Beek is so spoiled. He has only been to NHL games that Tyler Toffoli is playing in.

LA KINGS BLOGGER BEEF!!!:

Over the past couple weeks, we have been updating you on various spats within the LA Kings blogger community. Well, we have also been getting some good feedback from those who are beefing:

Screen Shot 2013-11-03 at 3.11.05 PM

OK, now that the rationalizations are out of the way, let’s get to some snark.

Meh, that’s kinda snarky. We can do better though. What if we get some mainstream media involved?

There we go. That’s the stuff.

Now, no offense to the JTFC guys, but what we really need is two writers, on equal footing in the Kings media base, doing battle over something significant. 

Of course Mayor somehow brought the discussion back to MMA. Fuck it. I’m done.

You guys keep bickering amongst yourselves. Just steer clear of Darryl Sutter.

Celebrity Tweet of the Week (non-Van Der Beek division):

Oh my god, you guys. Aimee Teegarden was at the NASHVILLE game. She co-starred in Friday Night Lights with Connie Britton, who is currently starring in NASHVILLE, the TV show. That’s crazy, but here’s something even crazier:

Connie Britton appeared in Seeking a Friend for the End of the World with Martin Sheen, who was in JFK with KEVIN BACON!!!

Is that how that game works? Do people still play that game? I prefer to play six degrees of Mathieu Schneider.

 

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (11-3-1)

GIF That Best Represents the Past Week for the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim:

bill murray dancebill murray dance 2

bill murray dance 3

Feelin’ good.

This Week in Dustin Penner:

The only thing that would have been funnier is if that video was of Dustin Penner “backchecking.”

Boy, Nick Bonino seems like he has a great sense of humor, doesn’t he?

The Worst of the Worst from @ducksfanzone:

Last week, with the prompting of our good pal, DFZ, we answered the age-old question, “Why is Brohymn the worst possible selection for a goal song?” Let’s see what he thought of our answer:

OK, but you don’t need to do give us exposition for what you are currently doing on the internet.

Alright. Glad we’re on the same page here.

Man, DFZ is so bad at the internet dot com. He just passed up an opportunity to promote this article, as well as whatever it is he does.

The struggles extend to the cell phone camera.

Oh man, a debate between DFZ and Don Cherry, revolving around plus/minus … take a hike advanced metrics community. This is all I need.

Screen Shot 2013-11-03 at 6.34.21 PM

That is an average sampling of the what the DFZ twitter feed looks like over the course of just FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE WEEK?

First Round, Depressing Stat Line of the Week:

Kings:

Screen Shot 2013-11-03 at 5.07.39 PM

That’s Jonathan Quick’s stat line from Saturday’s game against Nashville, and it’s … um … let’s say … not good. 

Ducks:

At the end of the week, the Ducks were 4-for-58 on the season. That too is not good.

Winner: Sharks

Make room for another Pacific Division banner, and emotionally prepare for another second round playoff exit, Sharks fans.

 

Second Round, War of Words:

Kings:

Darryl Sutter, via Lisa Dillman of the LA Times

“Looking at the two goals, Willie Mitchell is supposed to be a good penalty-killer and he lets [David] Legwand walk off the wall and shoot it,” Sutter said.

“[Matt] Greene and Willie are supposed to be good penalty-killers and they’re both not doing anything, so obviously we’ve got to look at the people we’re using on our penalty kill.”

Darryl Sutter is now calling out Matt Greene and Willie Mitchell? If memory serves correct, here are the Kings defenseman who have already spent time in his dog house this season: Alec Martinez, Slava Voynov, Jake Muzzin, Matt Greene, and Willie Mitchell. Thank god for Drew Doughty and, um, Robyn Regehr? 

Ducks:

Bruce Boudreau, via ducks.com

Selanne suffered damage to his upper mouth by a high stick Tuesday night in Philadelphia, including several missing teeth and 40 stitches. His return is expected within two weeks.

“You hate to see it,” said head coach Bruce Boudreau. “I just hate to see the whole teeth thing.

I totally know what Boudreau is talking about. I tried watching that movie Teeth too. It was disturbing. I couldn’t get through it either.

Winner: Keaton Ellerby

Does this mean Alec Martinez is now the worst defenseman on the LA Kings?

 

Third Round, Video Highlight of the Week:

Kings:

Anze Kopitar continues to justify his existence in the NHL, by scoring goals.

Ducks:

Nice save by Hiller, but the real victory came when Ray Emery DIDN’T skate the length of the ice to beat his face in.

Winner: Kings

That OT goal was also the last time we saw Jeff Carter on the ice.

Miss you Jefe :(

carter dreamy

 

 

WINNER OF THE WEEK: He’s back!

top titty

So, in the words of TRH(and Tyga): “Top Titty. Top, top titty!

A rambling man, Hrudey can't be tied to any one team. But because he's too cheap for NHL Gamecenter, his NHL universe consists only of Ducks and Kings broadcasts. What he lacks in knowledge of the actual sport of hockey, he makes up for in snark and pop culture references. You can follow Hrudey Can't Fail on Twitter @HrudeyCantFail.