THE AMAZING RACE RECAP – EPISODE 1
Greetings Kings fans! Here at TheRoyalHalf.com we know your time is precious. Sunday night has been transformed from “the horrible hours you spend dreading the coming work week”, to an evening you eagerly anticipate due to the never ending supply of high quality television. Frankly Sunday night has too much good TV to chose from. Unfortunately, because of my devotion to a certain ice hockey team… instead of all that great television I now have to watch The Amazing Race on Sunday nights.
This season on The Amazing Race two of the contestants are LA Kings Ice Girls, Ally and Ashley! So as a public service I’m going to be recapping each episode as long as Ally and Ashley are still competing.
The episode begins and for some reason is set on an “Old Western Movie Ranch”. 11 teams will “race around the world” in order to win $1,000,000.
Or what Jake Muzzin makes in a year.
Here are the teams and what I’m calling them to help me remember who they are.
TEAM FOOTBALL – Former NFL Teammates
TEAM BIRDCAGE – Actors who play old ladies
TEAM ANNOYING – Former couple
TEAM WILD AND CRAZY GUYS – Cousins
TEAM ER – Married ER Physicians
TEAM DOWRY – Father and Daughter
TEAM HICK – Oil plant workers
TEAM SEXY – Childhood friends
TEAM THIS IS WHY I’M REALLY WATCHING THE SHOW- Baseball wives
TEAM KILL ME – Dating
And of course…..
TEAM PRODUCT PLACEMENT – LA Kings Ice Girls
I don’t know about you but I can’t stop looking at those beautiful Kings logos.
Host Phil Keoghan (I can’t not hear it as “Philk Hogan) meets the teams and sends them off on the first leg of the journey. The winner of the first leg gets an “Express Pass” and a second “Express Pass” that they have to share with another team before the 5th leg is…. you know what… who cares. The Amazing Race is on!
Dustin Penner would suck at The Amazing Race.
The first destination is Iquique, Chile and if you’ve never been annoyed by people who insist on pronouncing “Chile” as “Chee-lay” you are now.
Right off the bat our girls, Ally and Ashley, refer to it as “Chili” and now I love them even more.
In order to get to Iquique, the teams must race to LAX and let’s face it, getting to LAX faster than anyone else should be worth $1,000,000 by itself. There’s a limited number of seats on the first flight so being the first teams to arrive is a huge advantage. Assuming this thing isn’t fixed.
At the 8:25 mark we finally get a title sequence and Team Product Placement gets 2nd billing behind Team Football.
The teams are on the way to LAX and already Team Annoying is living up to their name while Team Hick has pulled over to ask for directions and isn’t being patronizing to this non English speaking little old lady at all.
Ally & Ashley arrive at LAX in time to be placed on the 1st flight to Chile and I still can’t stop staring at their logos.
The 11 teams begin getting to know each other while waiting for their flights and Team Wild And Crazy Guys (self-named The Afghanimals) waste no time proposing an alliance with Team Product Placement.
Once in Chile the teams set to their first challenge.
Worst. Rotary Club. Ever.
But while Ally was soaring above Chile, Ashley was struggling to get a cab to meet her at the landing point because this is reality TV and hot blondes always struggle to get cabs in reality.
At this point Team Wild And Crazy Guys actually identifies Team Annoying as “Annoying” and I declared myself the winner of The Amazing Race.
Ally & Ashley are reunited at the drop zone and prove that Ice Girls know how to make any task compelling. Even opening an envelope.
The final Road Block of this episode requires the contestants to collect fish in a rowboat.
Utimately Team Dowry finished in 11th place and was eliminated but for Ally & Ashley the episode ended the way it began. With me staring at the Kings logo.
Frankly it wasn’t the most compelling hour of TV I’ve ever watched and I don’t know why I would tune in next week. But I’m sure I’ll think of something.