KNOW YOUR OPPONENT: MINNESOTA WILD 4.4.13


There is no way you can trade her away (trust me, I’ve tried)… so Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck is back for something we like to call “Know Your Opponent.” Tonight, Brigitte stares Zenon Konopka straight in the eyes and asks him to pet her bunny.  No, I know… for regular readers of “Know Your Opponent” you are going to think that this is a sexual euphemism. But no, she actually wants to pet Zenon Konopka’s bunny. Oh… just read it yourself…

Click Here to Read the Know Your Opponent for for the Kings vs Minnesota Wild on April 4th, 2013!!!

Who exactly are the Minnesota Wild? I mean do you know? I know I haven’t given two shits about them since Gaborik was some Jesus child over there that was supposed to deliver The State of Hockey back to relevance. That worked out really well, because I still don’t care. I do however have to figure out something to talk about, so I figured I would do one of my extremely popular investigative reports.

So I decided to go to the super popular Wild blog, Hockey Wilderness. I mean everyone loves them right? I find that the true fan base comes out during game day threads, so I creeped on their last one to get to the bottom of who actually roots for the Wild.

 Only 42 comments? That seems really low.
For example, when I creeped on Red Wings fans there was close to 500 posts in each thread.
Whatever quality over quantity right?
 DECAF BUDDY!
 So there seems to be some intelligent life here.
That’s good, maybe their fans are pretty cool.
 Ok, kind of whiny, but whatever.
 This is….ummm.
 Is this guy in a mental hospital?
Please tell me this guy doesn’t just walk around with normal people.
 The State of Hockey, Ladies and Gents!

 

 We will gladly take that match-up thank you every much!
 This is a thing that happens apparently.
 So….first round match-up?
Yes please!
I know that Hockey Wilderness is sort of a shit fest most of the time, so I won’t hold the whole fan base to this standard. I’m sure they’re good people and don’t have crazy conspiracy theories.

 

WAHHHHHH
Whatever, whiny fan bases are annoying, but is anyone really surprised by that? Minnesota gets shit on a lot. I can handle dumb fan bases as long as the team is delightful, and the Wild kind of are.
 If this doesn’t make Puck Daddy’s top hockey hug I will riot!
Just look at this hug, so many limbs and bodies in one mass of humanity.
No idea who the player on top there is, but holy shit he’s excited.
Konopka is a big dude, and it takes a lot of pure joy to jump that high.
Sadly, the guy that has the best view of this hug doesn’t give a shit.
GET OFF YOUR PHONE ASSHOLE AND LOOK AT THE MAN LOVE IN FRONT OF YOU!
 My god Konopka gives some good hugs!
He lifted the damn goalie!
This looks like the end of a terrible Nicholas Sparks novel turned terrible movie,
of course that means one of them dies of cancer at the end though :(
 Konopka again giving some great hug action, this time to old man Cullen.
Everyone eagerly awaits their turn on the Konopka Hug Train!
Why is Konopka such a lover? He seems like a scary ass dude honestly. His nose also looks like he’s been in a few fights in his day. So why is a guy who beats the crap out of others such a softie?
 I present to you, Hoppy!
Yes, Zenon Konopka has a pet bunny named Hoppy.
 He also makes his teammates take pictures with the bunny.
No, you can’t eat the bunny.
 Oh yea he also paid cash money to have a photo shoot with Hoppy.
 Very romantic.
 Yes, that is a custom made Wild jersey for his bunny.
 That’s kind of a huge bunny, damn!
Apparently people are more interested in his bunny than his girlfriend.
Wait…is his bunny his girlfriend?
I bet he’s friends with David Backes.
Ok, so the Wild are kind of cute and adorable, but a quick look at the standings says otherwise! Plus, remember the game the other day?
 LOL QUICK
Cool, I love getting schooled by AHL call ups.
Fuck off Charlie Coyle!
Are you not pissed off enough yet? Are you still thinking about the cute bunny? Well look at this picture of Cal Clutterbuck and let nature run it’s course.
Fucking Gross.
The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.