KNOW YOUR OPPONENT: DALLAS STARS 4.21.13


FIRST… read our GAMEDAY PREVIEW for tonight's LA Kings game against the Dallas Stars. Exclusively on LAKings.com.

This will make more sense once you've read the GAMEDAY PREVIEW.

THEN…  Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck is back with an all-Dallas Stars edition of her demented look at the LA Kings opponent for tonight's game… something we like to call "Know Your Opponent!" Don't worry, LA Kings fans… I'm not going to be making fun of the Dallas Stars… last time I did that, it backfired big-time.

The Stars went on to win this game 5-1.

Take it away, Brigitte…

*THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF, BUT RATHER A GUEST WRITER*

I've had a long standing hatred with the Stars. I've continuously had them at the top of my "Hate List", so I figured this post would be easy. If fact it was super easy until the Stars management (aka noted idiot GM Joe Nieuwendyk) decided to give up on the team. So I had this Dallas Stars post all ready to go for the game on April 9th, and it was glorious. It was really just a bunch of fun/compromising pictures from some of the more "colorful" characters on the Stars. Well…then this stuff happened and the post was ruined!
 

MOTHER FUCKERS! 
Now no one will get to enjoy pictures like these! 
 
Actual sexual attraction to hair is a real thing people.

Jagr with some camels, because why not?
I could look at pictures of Jagr in all his mullet and high-waisted jeans glory all day.
Babe.
 
 
Of course then there was Derek Roy aka the supplier of all things I love. (I may or may not be in love with Derek Roy's life. Not necessarily him, but just his life. I want it.)
 
Drunk pictures with Ryan Miller while he's wearing a Harlem shirt? Check!

Drinking an unnaturally large pink cocktail? Check!

Partying with Chris Chelios and an ass-out Max Talbot? DOUBLE CHECK!   
 
WHY DID YOU TRADE THESE GUYS DALLAS? Now I have nothing to talk about, because who the fuck cares who's on the Stars now? Remember when we all hated Dallas? I know we still do, but they used to be my least favorite team. They were all a bunch of asshats. Remember Steve Ott? 
 
Yea, you remember Steve Ott.

Man, the Stars were a bunch of douche bags back in the day (aka last season). Oh man remember Mike Ribeiro?
 
Never Forget.
 
I actually kind of miss those assholes. There's just no one to hate anymore, and that makes me sad. Seriously, who am I gonna rip on, Loui Eriksson? That guy's like a puppy in a teddy bear outfit. Plus he's Swedish, and I never speak an ill word of the Swedes! I don't really know any of the other players outside of Benn, Cole, and Whitney (fuck that guy BTW!). They're just a bunch of kids. Who the fuck am I supposed to hate? Should I hate Oleksiak because he's tall as fuck? 


 
Fun fact: I watch all the local broadcasts dumb intermission videos,
and there was one about Jamie Oleksiak eating at Whole Foods. That's it. Dallas is dumb.
 
What about Cody Eakin? He's REALLY ginger, and no one likes gingers (GROSS!!!)
 
Presented without comment. Literally speechless.
 
This just isn't fun anymore! Fuck off Dallas why do you have to ruin things? THIS IS WHY WE KICKED YOU OUT OF THE PACIFIC ASSHOLES! Have fun missing the playoffs by a fucking point like always!
 
PS: These guys say "Hi"!
"I fucking love Ray Shero!"
 
"SUCK MY DICK DALLAS"
 
 
The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.