KNOW YOUR OPPONENT: ANAHEIM DUCKS 4.13.13


We are winding down the regular season, and Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck is back with an all-Anaheim Ducks edition of her demented look at the LA Kings opponent for tonight’s game… something we like to call ”Know Your Opponent.” Don’t worry, LA Kings fans… Brigitte loves it when you boo her. So go for it!

Click Here to Read the Know Your Opponent for for the Kings vs Anaheim Ducks on April 13th, 2013!!!

*THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF, BUT RATHER A GUEST WRITER*

Obviously you guys are all familiar with the Ducks, so I won’t even bother introducing the players to you. Everyone is aware that they’re the worst, and we all hate them. So instead I will just add a little fuel to the fire by exploiting posts in their SB Nation blog Anaheim Calling. (I’m really doing this because The Half told me these are his favorite posts. You asked for this shit.) The first post I present to you is titled “Which NHL Player Should Ducks Fans Hate the Most?” I already know this will end well.

Hey good job, you got the right guy this time...progress.

Corey Perry.
Who the fuck hates Daniel Alfredsson?
Steve Ott and Ryane Clowe are top-level asshats, no argument here.
How do you hate Lidstrom, Datsyuk, and Zetterberg?
Ducks fans are fucking idiots.
Drew Doughty > Cam Fowler, this is the real reason behind your hatred, I get it.
Now Drew isn’t the brightest bulb, but he even knows you guys suck ass.
I forgot that no one on the Ducks ever throws temper tantrums….
 My bad guys.
Knee on thigh…the worst hit in hockey.
Dustin Brown flat out can’t fucking skate, he eats shit without the puck and no one around him at least five times a game.
I’m not saying he doesn’t dive or embellish (because he does), but his terrible skating doesn’t help.
This was actually pretty tame considering how well liked Brown is around the league.
Look, I don’t like Stoll, this is no secret.
I mostly dislike him because he takes dumb fucking penalties, and he can’t hit the net for shit.
Seeing this reasoning behind hating Stoll though, has temporarily stopped that dislike.
LOL Stoll speared a “vulnerable” Perry? WAHHHHHHH
OH NO HE HIT FOWLER? OMG DID BRIAN HAYWARD CALL THE COPS???
I love you Jarret Stoll you dirty son of a bitch!
Let’s find out what the rest of the fans had to say…
Uh oh…I wouldn’t say that at any bars in the Los Angeles area if I were you.
Well Doughty probably doesn’t shower that much, but I’m sure the rest do.
I can’t really comment on their personal hygiene, but you must know more than me.
I swear I didn’t make this up, Corey Perry sucks ass.
That was fun right? Let’s do it again, but this time let’s check out their post game post from the shootout win against the Kings. This should be fun….
“Team MVP Ryan Getzlaf” LOLOLOLOL
“Our Darling Cammy” I cannot make this shit up folks!
I’m finding myself strangely turned on by Stoll right now, what is happening?
I had to pick out this one sentence, because “Getzy”…really?
“Elder Abuser Brad Richardson”
“Rejected Muppet Jake Muzzin”
I‘m pretty sure Stoll’s career ended two semi-famous women ago

 

Dustin Brown in your mouth, deal with it.

 

NO MATH HERE IN ORANGE COUNTY!

 

Doughty does love head….shots.

 

It’s cool man, you don’t want Bobby Ryan anymore?
Send him up this way, I’m sure he would have some chemistry with his BFF Anze Kopitar.
Hmmmm….Bobby Ryan in a Kings jersey….Boners everywhere.
Well on that dirty and unnatural thought I’ll just leave you with this…EAT SHIT DUCKS! Have fun losing to the Blues (or Wild…or Red Wings) is the first round.

 

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.