COHEN’S NERD CORNER
I've never seen an episode of Game of Thrones. Heck, in fact… I've never even seen one of those Lord of the Rings movies.
If this were a movie, I would be first in line to watch it.
I spend my Sunday nights watching Mad Men. But when Jesse Cohen from All The Kings Men Podcast came to me and said he wanted to do a Game of Thrones/Los Angeles Kings Mash-up… I tried to say "no" so many times. But he's persistent and I eventually agreed. So today at The Royal Half… we a debuting a new feature called "COHEN'S NERD CORNER." Take it away, Jesse…
*THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF, BUT RATHER A GUEST WRITER*
Those of you who have listened to my podcasts or read my tweets or seen my posts on LetsGoKings.com (the official fan community where fans officially rule) know that I'm a geek and a pretty devoted one at that. So in an effort to combine the things I love here's a comparison of current Los Angeles Kings and characters from HBO's Game Of Thrones. Warning : Here there be spoilers… and sloppily constructed analogies of things that really have nothing to do with each other.
TYWIN LANNISTER/PHIL ANSCHUTZ
Tywin Lannister is the Richest Man in the Seven Kingdoms. He bought his way into the Red Keep and his machinations have seen his daughter married to the late King, his grandson succeed the late King, his sons serve at various times as Hand of the King and Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. He is the current "Hand of the King" and appears to be controlling even the actions of his grandson, King Joffrey.
Phil Anschutz is the Richest Owner in the NHL. He bought his way in the NHL, MLS, Downtown LA Real Estate market, NBA, Michael Jackson, Europe and pretty much everything else on the planet. With the recent ouster of Tim Liweke, Anscutz appears to be taking a more "hands on" approach to running AEG and his empire.
Quote : The Future of our family will be determined in these next few months. We could establish a dynasty that would last a thousand years.
JAIME LANNISTER/JEFF CARTER
Jaime Lannister is rich, handsome, a gifted swordsman and likes to fuck his twin sister.
Jeff Carter is rich, handsome and also a gifted "swordsman". No word on if he has a twin sister.
QUOTE : There are no men like me. Only me.
TYRION LANNISTER/MIKE RICHARDS
What "the Half Man", a dwarf, lacks in physical prowess he more than makes up for in cunning, craftiness and wit. He has proven himself at the Battle of Blackwater and while "leading" the Hill People against Robb Stark. He's also known for a love of drinking, fucking and general debauchery.
Mike Richards may not be a dwarf, but he's one of the smallest members of the Los Angeles Kings. Despite his smaller stature he's a physical player who's not afraid to fight or check much larger players. He's frequently lauded for his smart play, crafty moves and inspirational style and was instrumental in the Kings securing the 2012 Stanley Cup. His reputation in Philadelphia was that of a party boy.
QUOTE : My mind is my weapon.
Bronn is a mercenary who comes from no great family or wealth. He is known for his "sardonic sense of humor" and lack of tact. Through his "friendship" with Tyrion Lannister, both men manage to far exceed the expectations of those around them.
Dustin Penner was never drafted but joined the NHL by signing with Mighty Ducks. After only one full season with the Ducks he signed an offer sheet with the Edmonton Oilers. He is known for his sense of humor and twitter account. Through his play on a line with Mike Richards, both men managed to erase fan frustration with their regular season play in 2011-2012 and far exceed fan expectations heading into the 2012 playoffs.
EDDARD/NED STARK/ROB SCUDERI
Noble almost to a fault, Ned Stark is Lord Paramount of the North. A dutiful father, he taught his children responsibility, honor and courage. Despite all this, people are constantly trying to behead him.
Rob Scuderi has been the steadying hand on the blueline since the Kings acquired him. A saavy veteran, when the team is playing like garbage he's the one telling the media exactly what they're doing wrong and how they need to fix it. His stable, responsible play has allowed players like Doughty and Voynov to flourish. Despite all this, people are constantly trying to behead him.
QUOTE : The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.
BENJEN STARK/WILLIE MITCHELL
The brother of Ned Stark, Benjen is an honorable member of the Men of the Knights Watch serving as "First Ranger". Then he disappears north of the Wall and nobody knows what happened to him.
Willie Mitchell was, with Rob Scuderi, a stable veteran presence on the blueline and played an instrumental role in winning the Stanley Cup. Then he disappeared north of the Canadian border and nobody knows what happened to him.
QUOTE : You've never been north of the Wall, so don't tell me what's out there.
ROBB STARK/DREW DOUGHTY & JON QUICK
Robb Stark, The Young Wolf, is proclaimed the King of the North after his father's death. Robb proves to be an incredibly adept tactician who understands and takes full responsibility for the men he commands into battle. While the influence of his father, Ned, is clear, Rob is still an impetuous young man who can succumb to his emotions at times. Underestimated because of his age and experience he seems to win every battle he engages despite sometimes doing or saying things that flaunt the traditional ways.
Drew Doughty has won a World Junior Championship, an Olypmic Gold Medal, a Stanley Cup, been a Norris Trophy Finalist and recently named one of the top 10 Defencmen in the NHL… all by the age of 23. He has succeeded at nearly everything he has attempted since entering the league as an 18 year old despite having to wrangle his fiery emotions at times. It's just a matter of time before Doughty is feared across the league as one of, if not the, best defensman in the NHL.
Jon Quick slowly and meticulously climbed his way up the Kings farm system into his current spot as the reigning Conn Smythe Trophy winner and Stanley Cup Champion. He takes responsibility for losses while claiming none for wins. Just don't give him a live mic during a celebration.
QUOTE : Jaime Lannister : 3 victories doesn't make you a conqueror Robb : It's better than 3 (fucking*) defeats.
*if Quick has said it
JON SNOW/JON BERNIER
Ned Stark's bastard son, Jon Snow chose to "take the black" and join the Men of the Knights Watch that patrol "The Wall". A seemingly joyless life, the Men of the Knights watch are allowed no title, no land, no riches and must remain celibate. They live their lives in anonymous duty so the rest of the Realm can live their lives unafraid of the monsters that live on the Northern side of The Wall.
Jonathan Bernier remains the Kings backup goalie despite being a 1st round draft pick and a heralded prospect with great potential. He has spent most of the last 8 seasons doing whatever was asked of him in order to ensure the overall success of the franchise while others received personal glory and riches. Someday he'll be able to seek out his own destiny either with the Kings or another team but for now he's stuck behind the Wall.
QUOTE : I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children, I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post.
Thanks, Jesse!!! We look forward to your 2nd Installment of your Game of Thrones/Los Angeles Kings comparison, coming soon. Maybe by then we'll even have a cool little graphic banner for it!