2013-14 #TeamTRH SEASON PREDICTIONS

Well everyone is doing it. No… reallyliterally everyone is predicting the 2013-14 NHL Season. So why would The Royal Half be any different less original? I mean, we’ve already done a bunch of Pacific Division Previews. But I still went ahead and asked our #TeamTRH “experts” to give me 5 Bold Predictions as well as their Divisional, Conference and Cup Winning predictions for the season. And guess what? Some of them even paid attention!

 

One Girl, One Puck

5 Bold Predictions:

1. Columbus makes it past the first round of the playoffs
2. The Sharks fail to make the playoffs (finally)
3. Dallas makes into the playoffs by one point.
4. Ryan Kesler makes it through the whole season without being injured.
5. The Coyotes manage to sell out one game this year.

Who Wins the Pacific?

Well everyone will bitch if I don’t pick the Kings, but everyone hates me already, so I’ll say the Ducks. For one, I don’t give a shit who wins the division, it means nothing, just ask the Coyotes. I also I think the Kings play better when they have to play catch up to someone.

Who Wins the Central?

I’m going to say the Blues. The Hawks are still drunk, and the Preds and Wild can’t score for shit. Everyone else in that division sucks.

Who Wins the Atlantic?

This is my bold prediction, because I’m saying the Islanders. That division has literally no defense and John Tavares is a certified panty dropper. It’s also the most hilarious division, so really anything is possible.

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

The Red Wings. I don’t care if you disagree, it’s happening. Embrace your new “23rd consecutive playoff appearance” overlords, Eastern Conference.

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

The Blues and Kings. Why? Because it’s the best rivalry in the Western Conference, and the thought of another series between them deciding who goes to the Stanley Cup Final turns me on. Another great aspect to it is the amount of Americans between the two teams. Backes and Brown winning a gold medal together, then just months later trying to kill each other? Amazing.

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

The Penguins and the Senators. I just really want to see this happen so both Conference Finals are amazing and completely ridiculous. Plus, Bobby Ryan will be there, and that makes me happy.

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

This is where picking the Kings to go to the conference final gets tricky. I feel like eventually the Blues will finally beat them, but I’m just going to say it’s not this year. So the Kings and Senators is my guess. I really want to see what insane thing Eugene Melnyk does with his team in the Stanley Cup Final.

Who wins the Cup?

The Kings, obviously. Do you really think the Senators would win?

 

Spike Coffman

5 Bold Predictions:

1. 5 teams from the Pacific Division will make the playoffs.
2. Jarome Iginla will score 40 goals.
3. Sergei Bobrovsky will again be a Vezina Finalist.
4. After a couple bad starts Jonathan Bernier will be benched in favor of James Reimer.
5. Switzerland will medal at the Olympics

Who Wins the Pacific?

Vancouver

Who Wins the Central?

St. Louis

Who wins the Atlantic?

Detroit

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

Pittsburgh

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

St. Louis, San Jose

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

Detroit, New York Rangers

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

St. Louis, Detroit

Who wins the Cup?

St. Louis(But Jay Bouwmeester will be hurt right before the playoffs and not play in any playoff games)

 

Jack A. Wilson

5 Bold Predictions:

1. Darryl Sutter will have a much more laid back approach, after spending part of his offseason at Burning Man.
2. Drew Doughty will win the Norris.
3. Ben Scrivens will be the first person allowed to take over the Kings twitter account since… you know what.
4. The game winning goal at the Kings-Ducks outdoor game will be scored by Yasiel Puig.
5. Shane Doan won’t be a whiny little punk every time he plays the Kings…hahahahahahaha JK JK

Who Wins the Pacific?

Victoria Aristocrats

Who Wins the Central?

Quebec Bulldogs

Who Wins the Atlantic?

Toronto Ontarios

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

Montreal Wanderers

Hart Trophy Winner

Sprague Cleghorn

Oh crap, I’m sorry. I was looking at the 1913-14 season. For this year, I’ll take: LA, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Montreal.

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

LA & Anaheim

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

NY & Ottawa

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

LA & Ottawa (Hi Ducks fans!)

Who Wins the Stanley Cup?

LA

 

Indiana Matt

Who Wins the Pacific?

Hopefully the Kings.

*Deep Sigh*

Probably the Canucks. The Sedins are in a contract year for crying out loud and they are getting a healthy David Booth back. In fact, the Canucks will once again win the Presidents Trophy, but then immediately shit the bed in the first round of the playoffs.

canucks practice PNG 0502S canucks 472

Who Wins the Central?

Easy, the Chicago Black Cocks.

Black Cocks

Who Wins the Atlantic?

Boston, big time. Simply because the gents over at Days of Y’Orr are effing hilarious.

Iginlasting

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

The Pittsburgh Penguins will win the Metrosexual Division.

Metro_Pittsburgh

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

Kings and Hawks. This time around, when Jon Quick gets pulled from Game 2, we’ll be ready to really take the fight to Chicago.

scrivens

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

Pittsburgh and Boston.

Carolina Hurricanes v Pittsburgh Penguins, Game One

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

Kings and Pittsburgh. All Bylsma, all the time.

bylsmaVSbylsma

Who Wins the Stanley Cup?

Kings. The trade deadline acquisition of Dustin Penner will prove to be what pushes the Kings to their 2nd Cup in 3 years. Pancakes, bitch.

Penner-with-Stanley-Cup-Kings

 

King Tufficult

5 Bold Predictions:

1. Tyler Toffoli will score at least 40 points and earn his own squinty bobblehead night
2. Jack Johnson will be on the ice for more goals for than goals against, the phallic CBJ mascot will explode in joy
3. Jaromir Jagr will be traded more than 2 and less than 4 times
4. Dustin Penner will have a renaissance season playing on the Ducks’ top line, and will re-marry and divorce before the conference finals
5. Brad Richardson will score 10 goals for the Canucks, while Dwight King will shoot steam out of his nostrils and fall down

Who Wins the Pacific?

Los Angeles Kings

Who Wins the Central?

Chicago Blackhawks

Who Wins the Atlantic?

Boston Bruins

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

Columbus Blue Jackets

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

LA and CHI again, I will be banned from all remaining ESPN Zones.

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

NYR and BOS

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

LA and BOS

Who Wins the Stanley Cup?

LA, duh.

 

Jesse Cohen from All The Kings Men Podcast

5 Bold Predictions:

1. An active NHL Player will come out at the 2014 Olympic Games in Socchi.
2. An active NHL Player will test positive for PED.
3. Christobal Huet will be retroactively awarded the 2008 Hart Trophy.
4. The Los Angeles Kings will wear the famous Burger King Jersey during their Winter Classic Game (I know that’s not what it’s called but I refuse to call it that other thing)
5. Dwight King will score 15 goals.

Who Wins the Pacific?

Los Angeles Kings

Who Wins the Central?

Chicago Blackhawks

Who Wins the Atlantic?

Boston Bruins

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

LUMBUS!!!!!!!!!

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

Kings vs. Hawks

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

Pens vs. Bruins

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

Kings vs. Pens

Who Wins the Stanley Cup?

Kings

 

Ironsight Design

Im going to predict the lowest finisher of each.

Who’s 7th the Pacific?

Calgary. I mean, is this even a question?

Who’s 7th the Central?

The Stars will be held at the bottom by their awful logo. But the Avalanche will somehow find a way to finish below and still be called a “young, fast team”

Who’s 8th the Atlantic?

As much as I want it to be the Caps, I dont think New Jersey knows what they’re doing anymore.

Who’s 8th the Metropolis?

Florida. Though they will start out hot, they will get cocky around the Olympic break and tank.

Who loses the Western Conference Finals?

*Position held by San Jose until further notice.

Who loses the Eastern Conference Finals?

*Position held by New York Rangers until further notice.

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

One from the West and one from the East.

Who wins the Cup?

The winner of the Final.

 

Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy

HSTHB decided to edit down his predictions. No… literally… he edited them:

HSTHB-imp

 

 

Flubber McGee

5 Bold Predictions:

1.  Buffalo’s new alternate jersey makes it two games before being discontinued.
2.  Jack Johnson gets traded.
3.  Alfredsson misses Detroit’s first game in Ottawa with an injury, then nets a hat trick in their second game.  The people of Ottawa raze the city.
4.  Two prospects for the Kings randomly make their debuts 50 games into the season for no apparent reason. Both play only two games before being scratched for the remainder of the season.
5.  IceArizona goes bankrupt by next July.  Anything that happens as a result of that is obvious at this point.

Who Wins the Pacific?

Seattle, if the Coyotes had moved.  Alas…someone stupid like Edmonton.  But really, we all know it will be the Sharks.

Who Wins the Central?

D-Stars, because sports hate you.

Who Wins the Atlantic?

OLDetroit

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

Superman.

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

Vancouver vs. St. Louis.

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

Washington vs. #Lumbus.  Can that even happen?  If not, Washington vs. Montreal.

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

St. Louis vs. Washington.

Who Wins the Stanley Cup?

#TeamOvi

We’ve had way too many good Western Conference Finals matchups in the past few years for a crappy one not to happen.  Canucks–Blues just sounds like an ages old smoldering dumpster fire about to spread to the trash bag of discarded moldy fireworks and explode.  The hope, though, is that by picking these teams this won’t happen, and we aren’t cursed with their presence in the postseason at all.  Wouldn’t it be glorious if, like, Vancouver, St. Louis, Phoenix, Pittsburgh, Rangers, and Detroit never made the playoffs?  How satisfying.  Henry David Thoreau wrote something about this in Walden, right?

As for the Eastern Conference, who knows?  Everyone will pick Pittsburgh again, and they will inevitably get bounced in the first round by Florida or Carolina.  Is it even possible for Florida to play Pittsburgh in the first round? Does it matter?

 

PumperNicholl

5 Bold Predictions:

1.Despite the Canucks struggling to make the playoffs, Luongo finishes Top 3 in Vezina vote

2.Anze Kopitar will not lead the Kings in points for the first time since his rookie season

3. Alex Ovechkin will win the Hart and be named the Olympics Most Outstanding Player

4. Kings and Ducks will face each other in playoffs for the first time

5. Dustin Penner scores a McFlurry Minute goal at Dodger Stadium

Who Wins the Pacific?

Kings

Who Wins the Central?

Blues

Who Wins the Atlantic?

Bruins

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

Rangers

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

Kings-Blues

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

Senators-Capitals

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

Kings-Capitals

Who Wins the Stanley Cup?

Capitals

 

The Royal Half

5 Bold Predictions:

1. Jeff Carter will score 50 goals.
2. The Calgary Flames will have 50 points.
3. Ben Scrivens will write a weekly feature for LAKings.com.
4. The Outdoor Game will be a disappointment.
5. Tyler Toffoli doesn’t hold a regular spot in the LA Kings lineup all season.

Who Wins the Pacific?

San Jose Sharks. Because Banners Be Bannering.

Who Wins the Central?

Chicago Blackhawks.

Who Wins the Atlantic?

Boston Bruins.

Who wins the MetroI’MSORRY I CAN’T EVEN SAY THAT NAME?

Washington Capitals.

Who are the Two Teams in the Western Conference Finals?

Kings-Blackhawks.

Who are the Two Teams in the Eastern Conference Finals?

Senators-Penguins.

Who are the Two Teams in the Stanley Cup Final?

Kings-Penguins.

Who Wins the Stanley Cup?

Penguins.

 

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.
  • shiny

    I thought these were supposed to be bold predictions, not like, actual realistic possibilities that are likely to happen…

    On the plus side, couldn’t stop laughing. So funny…