LA stINK


Now that the Stanley Cup Hangover in Los Angeles has come to an end, we can finally look back at some of the bigger additions that were made over the summer… by the fans of the Los Angeles Kings.

The Kings Twitter account may be accused of being sarcastic
but you can’t say it’s not optimistic.

Man, I really hope Jon Quick makes the jumbotron video on Opening Night.
You know, for the the segment “How Drunk Did I Get This Summer?

Click here to read The Royal Half’s Los Angeles Kings Summer-In-Review of Awful Stanley Cup Tattoos!!!

 

Look… I have a tattoo. I got it on the back of my right calf after I graduated college and to be honest… it’s actually kinda cool. I’ve gotten nothing but compliments on it for most of the 15 years I’ve had it. But it is honestly one of the biggest regrets I’ve ever made and I’m actually only 3 intensely-painful laser sessions away from having it removed for good. I was young and dumb when I got my tattoo… but from the looks of the amount of photos of Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup tattoos out there on the internet… these folks were just dumb.

What’s the only thing worse than getting a tattoo of the Stanley Cup on the beach with the sunset?

Getting the same tattoo but with a palm tree.

Choosing a design for a tattoo is a deeply personal experience. You want to make sure that you find a design that speaks to whatever it is you want to say to people and to yourself by permanently scarring that message into your body for the rest of your life. So when celebrating your favorite professional ice hockey team winning its first ever Championship… you want something so completely unique… that you will stand out forever amongst the crowd.

Simple. Understated. Definitely one of a kind.

Uh-oh.

Oh… this is awkward.

At least this guy added a tribute to Taylor Hall above his Cup tattoo.

Technically, the LA Kings have been in the NHL for 44 seasons…
but at least she’s trying something different?

I put a black bar over this guys face so that you wouldn’t recognize
him if you ran into him on the street. Or at a job interview.

Man, I really hope none of these LA Kings fans run into each other at Staples Center because it would be SO embarrassing! I mean there is nothing worse than spending over $200 on a tattoo just to find out that someone else has the exact same one. Or that at least 7 other people have the exact same one.

This last one is the best. Not because of the tattoo…
but because they seem to be using a Gretzky-era Kings cane to support themselves.

Come on… what would be a critical essay of Stanley Cup tattoos without LA Kings Stanley Cup Tramp Stamps™!?!

FYI… for all the tattoo artists out there… this is what the LA Kings crown looks like:

Not this:

I don’t know about you guys… but nothing screams devotion to your favorite hockey team more than a non-defined, shaved shoulder.

Champions of 2012 with the 1992 logo.

If that were me, I’d have put the barbed wire of hearts around the Cup.
But to each their own, I guess.

I’m 98% sure these 2 tattoos were created using silver and black Sharpies.

Thankfully, the hair will grow back.

Kurt Russell playing Herb Brooks once said something like you play for the logo on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back. So naturally, when designing a Stanley Cup tattoo… you go big with your teams’ logo… OR YOU GO HOME. Or at least back to your parents’ house.

For the crowns, these tattoos use the same morphing technology as Michael Jackson’s Black/White video.

This is known as a Logo Menage-a-Trois.

This tattoo is way too top-heavy to exist in the real world.

Top.

Middle.

Bottom.
I haven’t seen a crown this annoying since Ryan Lochte won gold.

I really just don’t even know what to say here.
Check out that Kings crest logo on the right that has none of the elements of the Kings crest logo.

Even the sun shields its eyes from this tattoo.

Of course, when it comes to tattoos (and just generally living my life)… there is always one philosophy that I stand by… “When In Doubt, Add Flames.”

Hmm, it’s nice. But you know what it could use?
A ton of purple behind the flames and two hockey pucks on the sides.

NAILED IT.

That is one nasty case of Athlete’s Foot.

And of course, much like Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder before them… a young couple can use a tattoo to express their love for each other… and for their favorite ice hockey team.

I’m pretty sure that is Surly on the right and Scribe on the left.

And for our final category of Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup Tattoos… I submit to you… “What The Hell Were They Thinking?!?”

I’m pretty sure this tattoo was designed solely to give children nightmares.

Nothing like topping off your Kings one Stanley Cup tattoo with the lyrics from a band with one song.

Honestly, the only thing this tattoo is missing is the Burger King logo.

I’m actually surprised Warner Brothers hasn’t sued this tattoo artist.

Look, I’ve seen a lot of awful Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup tattoos since the LA Kings won the Stanley Cup 3 months ago. But probably none as awful as this one.

King Me, bitch.

I understand that it’s incredibly rude to sit back and make fun of something so personal as someones tattoo. It’s kind of a low blow to be honest. So I decided to put my money where my mouth is and get something that involves me and the Stanley Cup that would last a lifetime.

Get a Stanley Cup tattoo? No effin’ way.
No, instead I’ll do fine with this photo that WILL LAST FOREVER.

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Holy shit… there are more LA Kings Stanley Cup Tattoos out there!!!

This guy loves the Kings so much he got it twice.

This logo is to the exact dimensions as Dodger Stadium’s home plate.

Sweet Detroit Red Wings Stanley Cup tattoo, yo.

I’m more curious about what the tattoo on the right with the musical note looks like.

Not sure about the detail work here.
You can’t even see the missing teeth on this one.

Nothing screams fierce hockey champions like cursive.

This guy has skinnier arms than Wayne Simmonds.

Hey dad.

Even Bailey would turn down this public appearance.

2012 Champions with 2002 logo.

I haven’t seen this much purple and gold since Magic Johnson skated on a line with Marcel Dionne.

Nothing adds class like some leafing.

Finally… a brand new LA Kings fan shows how passionate they are.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.
  • BLEEDBLUE420

    A whole segment bashing Kings fans tattoos? Get a real job.