TRH Gameday 80 – Edmonton Oilers: Cryin’ Ryan


Game #80

LA KINGS
39-27-13
91 pts, 3rd in Western Conference
vs
EDMONTON OILERS
32-38-9
73 pts, 14th in Western Conference

Oilers lead Season Series 2-1

7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA
PRIME TICKET

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS THAT IF HE HAD STAYED WITH THE KINGS
THIS SEASON HE WOULD BE THE KINGS 4TH OVERALL SCORER AND TIED FOR 3RD IN GOALS:

 

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
JeanShorts and BaggedMilk
Oilers Nation
Oilers Jambalaya
Lowetide

ARE THE LA KINGS IN THE PLAYOFFS?
YES.

It’s another Monday night game for the Los Angeles Kings… and I’m totally unprepared for a Gameday Thread. Thankfully, Brigitte over at One Girl, One Puck has a brand-new edition of her column that is sweeping Kings Nation… “Know Your Opponent.” And with this weeks post, we now know that Brigitte is a perfect fit for The Royal Half… because she makes fun of Indiana Matt!!!

Click Here to Check Out “Know Your Opponent” for the Kings vs Oilers Game on Monday, April 2nd!!!

I’m gonna be honest… I don’t know a lot about the Oilers. I know that they’ve been eliminated from the playoffs, which means they suck. I know that they have a ton of young players who are pretty damn good, yet they still manage to be terrible. I also know that Ryan Smyth plays for them because he cried like a bitch this summer. Whatever. Ryan Smyth is old, and is pretty much useless unless he’s within 3 feet of the net. Even then he just stands there and lets pucks hit his stupid fucking giant stick blade. Ryan Smyth sucks. You knows who’s better than Ryan Smyth? Mike Richards. Even though Richards has been a ghost since coming back from a concussion, I’d still take him over Smyth any day. Why? Because you know who’s sexier than Ryan Smyth? Mike Richards. So what, I’m shallow, you should know this by now. That’s pretty much all I know about the Oilers. Instead of actually having something witty to say I made terrible photoshops of Mike Richards making Ryan Smyth cry. Eat your heart out Indiana Matt!

 

 “Look at this idiot! He requested a trade TO Edmonton. Haha, what a dumb fuck.”

  

“You see this chart here shows how many blow jobs I’ve gotten since I’ve been in LA.”

  

At least this Carter and Richards double team won’t leave anyone with herpes. Hopefully.

  

“Hey guys check it out! We didn’t even need to shove him he just went in the locker by himself! What a loser!”

  

Love, Dean Lombardi.

 

“Why don’t I look like Mike Richards? If I looked like Richards I bet people would love me.”

 It’s OK though Ryan I’m sure your new teammates love you. I mean what’s not to love? That stupid hair, dumb face, and non-stop crying are really quite attractive. Right Taylor Hall?

  

“Yea umm…you’re on your own Ryan. I’ve got my own issues to work on over here.”

So that’s it. The Oilers are bad, the Kings should beat them. Seriously, if they just show up their odds are pretty good. Also, try not to slip and fall on Ryan Smyth’s tears, we need you guys healthy.

Oh yea, here’s a shirtless picture of Mike Richards. Because I can.

 

I love you Mike Richards.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.