TRH Gameday 44 – Dallas Stars: Rebuttal Pancakes
(21-15-7, 15th in NHL)
(23-17-1, 16th in NHL)
Season Series Tied 2-2
7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA
BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS THAT NOW PLAYS IN HARTFORD, CT:
Late yesterday afternoon, I saw this curious tweet from LA Times sports reporter, Lisa Dillman:
And then a few hours later… that old-school media known as “newspapers” picked up on the story.
Last Tuesday, on the first Kings’ off day in a while, Darryl finally moved into his new place – Murray’s house, as it happens. That happens all the time when players get traded – they swap houses as well – but not as frequently among coaches. His wife and son will come down to Los Angeles during the all-star break, but they are otherwise staying behind in Calgary so Christopher can finish Grade 12.
And then Rich Hammond confirmed it.
Terry Murray is now Darryl Sutter’s landlord. Murray returned East after being fired by the Kings last month. Sutter needed a place to live. Perhaps finding farmland tough to come by in the greater Los Angeles area, Sutter connected with Murray and arranged to rent his house.
So new Head Coach Darryl Sutter is renting old Head Coach Terry Murray’s house in the South Bay? I’d like to think that Terry Murray’s last day in his house before turning it over to Sutter went something like this.
“Red” was obviously Marc Crawford.
So it seems as though I need to address Pancakegate for those in the sports media world, as well as those following #pennercakes on twitter, in light of the recent phenomenon I’ve created.
Right off the bat, I’d like to clarify a few things.
For example, they were vegetarian pancakes. The injury happened as I was sitting down to eat, not mid-bite. And yes, I did finish them.
There has been some feedback from the media as a whole regarding the lack of transparency involving injuries. So, I decided to be candid.
First and foremost, I think we can agree that having delicious pancakes that your wife made for breakfast, for a 1pm game, is not out of the norm. Secondly, “SOBS” (Sudden Onset Back Spasms) can occur at any moment, doing just about anything you can think of, and is a very serious issue.
Those who have experienced “SOBS,” know it is no laughing matter. I’m a little hurt, to tell you the truth, that the plight of my people isn’t being taken seriously.
Frankly, I don’t mind the attention and there’s no such thing as bad press, right? Apparently, I made it onto ESPN’s ‘Around the Horn’ and joined Kings’ ATH alumnus Dustin Brown (see water bottle incident) and have also became a twitter sensation overnight (with hashtag #pennercakes). So, I’m hoping to get an endorsement from IHOP or Denny’s.
The main thing here though is that we were able to bring attention to a serious issue like “SOBS” and hopefully find a treatment and unmask the mystery of it all.
In closing, for those who know how to laugh and find humor in life I hope they’ve enjoyed this as much as I did.
In an effort to end the entire experience on a high note, I’m partnering with MayorsManor to sponsor a ‘Pancakes with Penner’ breakfast. In the weeks to come we’ll be setting up a special raffle. Fans will be able to purchase tickets for $1.00 for a chance to have a pancake breakfast with me. All the money raised will go to charity…while we enjoy some delicious pancakes!
In a similar way in which the opposing party responds to the State of the Union… The Official Royal Half Speechwriter, Brian, has prepared an in-depth rebuttal to Dustin Penner’s statement. I present it, unedited, below.
Dear Mr. Penner,
While we enjoyed reading your post and appreciated your alleged candor about Pancakegate, we at the Royal Half believe your convoluted story and jibber-jabber is nothing but a smokescreen to get the non-mainstream media off your spasmy back.
First off, you describe what your incredibly hot wife made as “vegetarian pancakes.” Your wife may be smokin’, we’re not sure what she’s smoking because there’s no such thing as “vegetarian pancakes.” (Unless of course, she usually chops up bacon and sausage and throws that shit in there, then in that case… she’s a keeper.) Pancakes are flour, baking powder, white sugar, milk, eggs, and butter. If your wife made “vegan” pancakes, then that is an entirely different story because those pancakes are sans butter, milk and egg. How do I know this? I live with a vegan. My wife is a vegan. Mr. Penner, you sir, are no vegan.
Secondly, your “appearance” as a topic on “Around the Horn” this week is far from boast-worthy. Your coach just made a cameo on “Saturday Night Live” and you’re psyched about a mention on “Around the Horn”?!? But besides that, let’s face the facts, Pancake Boy: “Around the Horn” is a weaker (and far less worthy) spin-off of “Pardon The Interuption,” which frankly, should be your goal to make. Having Woody Paige mock you isn’t nearly as exciting as getting 1 minute and 30 seconds of Mike and Tony’s time. (Hint: slip on a waffle, then burn your hand making French toast for the trifecta… and I guarantee you a spot on PTI.)
And finally, your case of “SOBS” may be some sort of joke, but there’s still thousands of diseases out there in need of dire attention, like Tobias Funke’s awful case of “TBA.” If you hold a pancake breakfast for anything, it’s for Mr. Funke, who is in dire need of a cure.
Mr. Penner… Pancakegate has been a boon to your profile and IHOP’s profits. Instead of scoring points with your wife and winning her heart by complimenting her pancakes, you should be scoring points for your hockey team, the LA Kings, and winning the fans’ hearts.
The Royal Half
Strong words from our own Brian. But if you know Brian, you know the motto he lives by;
Finally… guess who’s back?
Another gem from loyal reader, Tim.