Pundays: Coach Wallet


My father once said to me… “You can’t fire the players… but you can fire the coach.” My kindergarten teacher once said to me “Royal, please don’t hit so hard when you play Duck, Duck, Goose.” Put those two anecdotes from my youth together… and you have quite possibly the greatest NHL.com Pun Headline of all time. 

Seriously, how nervous would you be if it was your job to make sure the right name went with the right photo.

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

It’s rare when Head Coaches in the NHL make the news headlines but it’s even rarer when they make the Pun Headlines of the front page of NHL.com. But when former NHL stars Dale Hunter and Kirk Muller were hired, the Pun Headline Writers acted as swiftly as the GM’s in Washington and Carolina.

Somewhere in Buffalo, Long Island Montreal, St. Louis, Dallas or Denver…
Pierre Turgeon knows what it feels like to be Hunted. 

Personally, I was hoping Kirk Muller would end up in LA…
so he could do stunt work for Aaron Eckhart.

And of course, since they were known to be such incredible leaders when they were players… it’s only natural that Kirk Muller and Dale Hunter would win their first game out of the gate, right? Right? RIGHT?!?

And in Anaheim, where GM Bob Murray decided to buck the recent former player hiring trend by not going with Steve Rucchin as their new Head Coach… let’s just say the Bruce Boudreau Era has started off looking like… well… shit.

That’s the same look on Bruce Boudreau’s face when he’s told the buffet is out of duck.

Enough about the head coaching drama in the NHL. Let’s focus on what keeps us fans tuning in each game… the players. I just wish there was some way to describe the NHL players of today…

Nailed it.
These are also the same qualities that allowed Brad Richards to score his current girlfriend.

I have a feeling that someone in the NHL.com Pun Headline Newsroom wasn’t too happy with the genre of Wedding Slide Show Country Music being featured on the front page. Because us readers were then taken on a musical journey from the past…

There was Paul Simon’s African period
(this music video also happened to be the last time Chevy Chase was funny.) 

… there was Glenn Frey’s greatest hits.
(oh, sorry, that should read “greatest hit.”)

… there was some classic Motley Crue.
(how has “Motley Bru” never been a Pun Headline?)

… there was the highlight of Guns N Roses’ artistic period

… and to finish it all off… a tribute to the recently departed Heavy D.
(EDITORS NOTE: Sir-Mix-A-Lot is not dead but Heavy D is.) 

The greatest thing about the Pun Headlines at NHL.com is that they cover such a broad spectrum of NHL players.

And if it isn’t bad enough that the Buffalo Sabres are struggling this season with players running their star goalie and the complete waste of money known as Ville Leino… the Pun Headline writers have to go ahead and make fun of the one thing Buffalo is known for

While the music of Paul Simon and Sir-Mix-A-Lot was filling the main NHL.com Newsroom… it seems the folks at the Video section for NHL.com were having a Pun Headline party of their own.

Surprisingly, this is a reference to a different talk show starring a Johnny.

Derektly to English class is more like it.

It is the holiday season, so we should be honoring all the Saints.

This is not a Pun Headline…
rather, Martin Erat just has awful body odor.

10 goals since being traded to the Stars by the Wild for future considerations.
Nyce move, Chuck Fletcher.

I’m pretty sure someone just made a Jordan Eberle/Jordache Jeans Pun Headline.

This video happens to star the current 1st line of the Edmonton Oilers.

Great Pun Headline.
Awful thumbnail.

Enough with the clever commentary and the outrageous links… it’s time to give the people what they want! IT’S PLAYER-NAME-PUN-HEADLINE TIME!!! 

Ryan Getzlaf gets it done… unless that task is being a good leader.

Much like the Loch Ness Monster… there is no such thing as a Happy Toews.

Loyal TRH fans, SDQ and EQ sent me this Pun Headline for extra-credit.

This is currently the greatest Pun Headline based on a Billy Baldwin movie.
At least until “Flatliners” is used to sum up the Anaheim Ducks season. 

This is currently the greatest Pun Headline based upon a Semisonic song.
I was going to make a joke about another Semisonic song being used as a Pun Headline…
but they don’t have any other songs

It’s funny cause he has a girls name.

I hate it when NHL.com gets political.

And finally… this week’s winner of the “Best Pundays About a Player Coming Back from a Concussion that isn’t Sidney Crosby…

I mean… I get that it’s a cute play on words…
but is “Black and Blue” really the best phrase to pun after David Perron suffered this

As always, check out our Pundays Archive located just below the Royal Half banner at the top of the page.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.