Pundays: Nothing Free About It

Even though there is no action on the ice for the next few months… the good folks at the NHL.com Pun Headline Writing Department isn’t going to let that stop them from doing what they do best. In fact, the truest test of a talented pun headline writer is performing your magic during the off-season. There are no rookie sensations… no goalies on hot streaks…  no teams battling it out on the ice to inspire you. Nope, all there is from June until September is the sound of cash registers dinging as NHL GM’s spend money like crazy for NHL talent. So if all I’m going to be able to see for the next 2 months are pun headlines about the crazy moves that NHL GM’s make… then I’d say that’d be a fair trade. 

Click here for the Free Agent Frenzy Edition of Pundays!!!

Of course, for me… and a couple other people who follow the NHL, the biggest story of the 2011 Free Agent Frenzy came a few days before July 1st… when the Philadelphia Flyers decided to go batshit crazy

This is the same headline NHL.com used for the Dustin Penner trade
and you saw how great that turned out

This isn’t so much a pun headline as it is Dean Lombardi’s to-do list each morning.

What was the one thing NHL experts were NOT saying about the Columbus Blue Jackets six-year, 33- million deal with notorious obscene gesturer, James Wisniewski?

Okay, so maybe a couple people thought this was a good deal.
But honestly… is there any better place for Wisniewski than the BJ’s? 

James Wisniewski wasn’t the only slightly above-average NHL defenseman to have his rights traded before the Free Agent Frenzy. 

“Isle be crazy to sign here.” Next city, please.

And now the Sabres are Stuck with that contract.

Finally, it was July 1st… and all hell broke lose. 

Really, NHL.com? I’m pretty sure it’s pronounced “var-LA-mohv.

Apparently, every single NHL GM didn’t read this the sub-headline on this one.

Capital Decision? Or only decision? YOU MAKE THE CALL!

I know I make a lot of jokes at NHL.com’s expense…
but this one is fucking genius on so many levels.

The NHL also unveiled two new television shows that will be premiering this summer on the NHL Network…

“Hi and welcome to the Cash Cab. This Czech-born defenceman struggled
on the Power Play in the 2011 Stanley… oh, hey Tomas.
I didn’t see you get in the cab. Wow, this is awkward. 
Sorry, I got to kick you out.”

It’s just like Wife Swap… but with way less talent.

With a combined age of 71 how did NHL.com resist calling this one “Blue Haired Beauties.

And who needs to spend money on Free Agents when you can trade for already high-priced Free Agents that are now on their 4th team in 7 seasons?

Somehow I think this H and H Show has more fans than Dany Heatley right now.

Of course, the real story of Free Agent Frenzy 2011 was all about one player and one player only, Brad Richards. 

Because when I think of former teachers selling meth,
I want to think of the NHL’s premiere free agent.

“Brad-way Bound” wasn’t the worst headline I saw during the 2011 Free Agent Frenzy. Actually, it was this one.

As always, check out our Pundays Archive located just below the Royal Half banner at the top of the page.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.