Fleeced Jackets


I’m not saying that Columbus is a non-traditional hockey market… but in Ohio, they have a different definition of what constitutes a puck bunny.

It might be in the Eastern Time Zone, but Columbus will always be Midwest to me.

Does it really say “Hardcore Hockey” on the walls of a professional locker room?
I had no idea the Blue Jackets were owned by the ECW.

“Drew, this is an exciting game for me. I played college hockey just an hour or so from here.”

“Hey Alec, that’s really cool. What’s college hockey?”

Kings 4, Blue Jackets 3 (SO)

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The Kings win again and now have points in 10 straight games with an 8-0-2 record, of which 6-0-2 has been earned during the Kings “make it or break it” 10 Game Road Trip to Hell. Even though the Kings are stillout of the Western Conference playoffs in 9th place, they only trail the 5 teams in front of them by 1 point. So with the Kings prospects of making the playoffs increasing each game, I’m now looking forward to my favorite moment of the post-season.

The total exclusion of Jon Quick from any conversation about being nominated for the Veniza Trophy.

Jon Quick is 7-0-1 in his last 8 games. But instead everyone is talking about the play of some goalie who can’t even skate around the ice without falling down. This winning streak for the Kings really came into fruition when Coach Murray decided that Michal Handzus was no longer a shutdown, defensive 3rd line center, but rather the 1st Line Left Wing the Kings have been missing for about 5 years. And how do you recognize the offensive accomplishments of Michal Handzus over the last 6 days… well this is Los Angeles… you give him his own Reality Show!

Move over Forsberg, there’s a new blue-eyed beauty in town.

Alright, Peter. You can give it one more shot.

That’s right, during Wednesday’s game was the cable network debut of the Michal Handzus version of Undisputed, a new web series from the Los Angeles Kings that shows off the fact they hired a director that went to a film school and knows how to use the zoom knob on the camera. Most of the time in Undisputed, the featured players barely reveal anything new or exciting about their personal lives. But tonight, Handzus let us in on a little secret…

He was an extra in the Beastie Boys Sabotage video.

Since the Kings are firing on all cylinders right now, teams are looking for whatever advantage to slow them down. So Columbus did what any other NHL team would do… they hired a Stupid Fucking Hipster to sit behind the Kings bench and annoy them with his general apathy towards the game.

Here he is making fun of all the people in hockey jerseys while the game is scoreless.

And then he’s only mildly amused when the Kings kill off a nearly 2 minute long 5 on 3 to keep the game tied.

When Drew Doughty’s goal gives the Kings a 3-2 lead, the Hipster feigns sadness
since he doesn’t really care about hockey anyways. It’s just a game, bro.

Finally, Coach Murray gets so annoyed with the disrespectful attitude of the Hipster, 
he has Kyle Clifford do his dirty work on him.

“Of course Garon isn’t going to be able to stop the puck!!!
The light is reflecting off that stupid fucking hipsters’ glasses!!!”

With the Kings being so hot, the NHL is doing everything within its power to slow their winning ways. The Kings haven’t had the best experiences with Toronto this season and I really felt like there were a lot of officials watching the Kings tonight in an effort to prevent them from scoring.

That’s gotta be a penalty for too many refs on the ice.

This game was a real nail-biter, right up until the end. Ryan Smyth even waited until overtime to check his mani-pedi.

Captain Canada, you’ve gone so Hollywood.

In case you haven’t noticed, the Western Conference playoff race is bananas.

I haven’t seen this many 68′s since I went to that Jaromir Jagr look-a-like convention.

If the Kings win Thursday night against the New York Rangers, they could be tied for 3rd in the conference. And then the next day they’ll be 14th in the conference.

“Nice game-winning goal Jarret! You should have your pick of the hockey chick litter tonight, huh?”

“Dude, have you seen the chicks in Columbus? I’ll wait till we are in NYC. Got my boy Avery on speed dial!”

A quick check of the Kings 10 Game Road Trip Leaderboard, please!

I’m starting to believe the Kings might end this road trip with a record better than .500.

Let’s do it all over again Thursday night at Madison Square Garden. You can check out Scotty Hockey for the most Alexander Frolov hatred east of the Mississippi.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.